I Look Back at You Looking at Me

Father, we are such individuals… created so differently.  Not one strand of hair falls that you are not aware of.  Not one!  Amazing to think about as I would have absolutely no idea of such a number at any moment in time.  Not only that one piece of information about me but even all my thoughts are running through Your Amazing Span of Gathered Knowledge. Knowing me far into eternity and I do not know myself even today.  Oh God, You are so enormous that I can’t get this.  You are a lover that is the Ultimate Teacher of its Correct Acts. Your Love Touches the magnitude of a complicated pattern to bring the sun rise each day and yet works the tiny grain of sand into a clam to form a beautiful pearl.   How You have won my heart.  I want to Play where You Play.  I want You as my Best Friend.  I stand as a child so embarrassed of how You Keep Looking at me but so intriged it stops my world.  The Visual of my grandchild in this photograph is the perfect picture of my worship this morning for it reveals my own thoughts so well of a difficulty but wonderful feeling as I look back at You Looking at me.  I see Your Eyes Fixed on me but find myself reserved in knowing what to do.  It seems easy to live to myself, for myself, and have my own pleasures of my utmost focus, but when I see You there…I am stopped in my walk to wonder.  I wonder what You are going to do next; wonder what You are going to say; wonder how long You are going to stay here.  Sometimes I want to run and hide as my ways seem so ridculous for another to be a part of.  But You Remain, with Your Smile upon my life and I can’t find a place to hide.  For this sort of Love shatters the moment into unknowns.  I see with Emotions and Pleasure I was made to love You as Your Eyes Watch to Embrace my love with such Earnest Enjoyment.  Oh my, so mystifying and at times so terrifying of how this can be.  As a child with short attention spans with too often a ‘give me’ attitude to Your Kindness, I only know to say my deepest desire has become so ready to give You my heart for I look back at You Looking at me with such Pleasure.  How can I but want to turn around all my own self worship to honor You with my attention as I become more and more conscience of Your All Seeing Eyes of such Love.  Love that never stops and mine own so speratic that I wonder why You Choose me for Your Adornment of Sounds upon the earth.  It slows me down each time and I can’t help but stop and sheepishly enjoy its Warm Hug feel.  Please know that I love it.  I love so much how You Keep me close to the Safety of Your Power.  I know Your Presence Lives in me but how Amazing when I feel that Power causing my mind and soul to be aware of such Movement in this world.  Thank You for Watching me; even though it is very uncomfortable so often I love to look back at You Looking at me. 

You With Me All Day And All Night

How thrilling

this morning to meet You. 

I am so excited.  I am full

of Wonders of You

as I think about the

possibilities

of today. 

You with me all day and all night…

satisfying

the rooms of all my heart

that searches in constant

for moment by moment living.  

Seeing You

in all things,

even when I am not speaking

my heart to You specific,

but allowed to

peek

in and out of our conversation

just like I do with my

husband

as life has so many directions

for a day.  

I want to tell You

it is wonderful

knowing You

and serving You. 

Please take me Closer,

Nearer to Your Ways

so that I can give more of myself

to the Walk You are Leading me to. 

When You Lead

through the valleys,

it becomes much harder

as I give the Spirit of Kindness

a Place to Work,

but surrendering to obedience

I find such Riches all along the Journey. 

Sound Clear

Your Life Suggestions for me

as a Floatation

to Save me

from deep waters over my head. 

Sometimes

it feels like

I’m holding my breath

in an ocean

and I’m sure that Your Timing

is past my limit,

any minute I will have to let go

and in will come

rushing the water

to fill my lungs and I will die.  

Appointed heir

of Your Abilities in me,

my flesh might become very uncomfortable

with this sort of Trust;

but

always Amazed

at the Outcome

of such Beautiful Silver Lining,

Brightly Outlining

its Massive breakthrough. 

Gazing and gazing upon it,

I call friends and family

to tell

of the Moment

Your Glory was Manifested

to my heart. 

Knowing You are there

at each step

but my focus took side views

and crowded my faith

to Hear Your Love

Abundance even in the deep

for Your Faithfulness

did not fail. 

You Always Know just what to do. 

Your Soft Walls

Bump my insistence back

under the Circle of the Rainbow Promises;

like a storm

just over and the Rainbow

showing its ending. 

High over my head is the

Colors

left to Reveal a

Chemistry of Work

that Marks Your Eyes

have ever been Watching. 

Safety has Wrapped itself

around my drowning fear

and

Calmed the anxiety

of being alone. 

Your there! 

In the valley,

in the storm,

in the sinking of my heart so in despair. 

Strong enough

to carry my pain,

my anger,

my troubled emotions;

Strong enough

to Hold me Tight. 

Watching all my days,

I am particularly excited about today…!

You with me all day and all night…

Service of Love

Weeping this morning I ponder how many tears will I shed in the knowledge of His Love.  In my world of so many distractions and self gratifications I am so caught up in a Love Connection that lays my own self findings as such minuet, puny pleasures. 

How Precious the Thoughts His Love Keep Giving to catch my attention; Delivering me from all hindrances that keep me from Him.  Watching me, I can’t seem to turn my eyes from His for they Reveal so much I want.  They Gather all my pain and accept them with such a Service of Love I can’t believe my heart.  Inside my soul is tearful knowledge causing my breathing to show deep sobs as I hear His Voice Hug me in so many Movements of Caring.  Arms so Wide, able to Handle all my cries and pains; Sifting through my confusions to find Him.

And then His Hug of Love slowly Pulling me so Close I can hear His Heart Beat for me.  Rocking me in Rhythm of His Song of Love He Sings over me; Rocking me as a Dance of Love between lovers.  I can only follow for all He wants is for me to stretch my arms and return Love Given back to Him. 

So I enclose my arms around His Love and we Dance.  Looking up I see He has Locked me into His Steps for Love has conquered the distraction of other idols.  Mercy is Extended as His Word allows me space to follow His Sweet Holy Spirit’s Gentle Wind through all my steps.  Guiding me with Eyes so Beautiful, where all the Emotions of His Love Pierce the insides of my being, to Talk me through our Dance, with Silent Sounds Love Reveals from such Loving Eyes. 

Kindness has Smiling Giggles as mistakenly I step on His Toes.  Kindness continues to Sweep me across the Floor of His Glory.  He knew I was coming so He Prepared the Dance Floor with plenty of room to learn His Dance.  Gazing into the Love Eyes of Passion I find a Way of Ever Lasting Waltzing with Gentleness.  

Whispering while we Dance, Trusting His Kindness I Open all the secrets of pains and confusions. He begins to cry as His Service of Love Shows me Much in Store for those He Loves.  A Place in eternity as Love Plays out its need to be. 

I begin to whither in Knowledge of Love so unworthy of; discerning my crippled ability to make a life crimeless, I watch as His Hands begin to bleed.  I can hardly allow my heart to look upon this Service of Love while Kindness Bleeds for my inabilities.  He Pleads for me to remain Dancing with Him.  Oh no, oh no… why?  Why, How can One do such?  I argue for I am crippled and need the stoning of one guilty. 

I fall for I cannot watch and I cannot dance!  I am unable to even watch my stumbling feet continue in what only moments away were the giggles of a laughing heart. 

But Arms are Open Wide as He Catches the fall of my heart’s eyes.  Closer now than ever, He Takes me into His Place where I find the Father and His Holiness Surrounding the entirety of my existence and the Dance now takes New Form.  I am United in the Renewed Place where sins fall away as the Spirit of this Ancient One Awakens Oneness of Capacity and I am Returned to Glory’s Floor. 

I try to look up as I share again my inability to do good but He who Held my hand, The Son of Man, Assures me I Belong; for His Service of Love was all that was required.  I cry with tears He Collects as I look again at His Eyes of Love over me. 

I find I am Standing and I know not how it happened.  My gown has changed colors to match the Glow of He who Holds me.  I bow with honor to He, my Strength. 

I Dance again...

 as I am Carried by His Service of Love with Eyes of Passion.

Silence Even Has Sound

God I’ve wondered into something today.  Oh I’ve wondered into Your Song and it is Speaking with Love’s Silence.  I hear it Rising over my life and it takes Melody into the Ahh’s of unheard Words, Unknown but beckoning me to Listen with the whole of my heart’s ability to Know, dare to listen.  The Yea’s of Your Promises keep Taking Hold of my way and I am Awaken into Beautiful.  How fast can I run?  How fast can I consume these Tendencies of Mercy’s Song is all I can think.  Your Silence even has Sound as it Rides the Air of Your Breath over me.  Waving in and out as a heart beat of Life in a dead stone.  Ohhhh’s, ahhhhhhh’s Sings the Melody that Forms Pictures of Excellence from a Throne that Drips its Glory upon my world.  Laaa laaaa laaaaaaaaa Comes another Wave that Lifts and Rises to Your Heights among the angels as it Washes me with Blood Shed for the dominion of my entire life.  Ohhhhh, ahhhhhh goes the Melody that Forms Pictures of Excellence to Proclaim Wonders as Silence even has Sound.  Oh Morning Star, I am Here to shut the Door and allow the Intimacy of Secrets to Sing to me as You Find me wanting; Wisdom that Speaks His Name, Cloth me in Righteousness!  Honor be the Quality He finds as Alone I run to His Love.  There, with You, I will whisper my search of want.  Oh of much want.  Here, ready, finding Your Shadow I have only eyes to see His Love.  Finding a possible Sound of Your Voice, I run to see, I find Silence!  Finding a Movement about the corners of my heart, I run to see, I find Silence.  I look under every thought to find You and there again Unknown Silence!  Desperately I run for I know within, You are Here as Silence now Screams.  With all strength I hold, I seek to see You as I surrender to the Silence that makes all noise go away.  Oh I am Taken Away with its Glory.  I am Ravished by its Calmness of all anxiety.  Oh it is Lovely and I am overcome by its Width and Length and Depth as it is as far as I can see.  Kisses of Your Love are its Passion as it keeps me singing.  A Glimpse; a Treasured Moment that Holds my hand to this New Day.  I am Lifted up for I faint to all other loves.  Clinging to This Song is now my Purpose after Tasteing Love’s Name.  For I can trust as I hear His Love's Powerful Silence upon my soul; my Jesus, my Ruler, I am committed to Your Beauty, for in You Silence even has Sound.  I have but one heart and surrendered to Love’s Name is my pleasure, to He who Gave to me first His all, His Kingdom, His Song to Carry me Safely into His Palace.  He who stopped at nothing to Win my heart to His Love; Serving me with His Life so that I walk on Gold and wear His Glory Crowned with Splendor.  I listen and hold Silence as I run to this Water that Drenches me in Freshness. 

Listen, oh listen with me, hear His Name…. He is King, this Jesus who Thunders Love upon us.  Oh listen for I hear it Singing and catch the Melody.  It begins… and it ends of no point, it just is.  Rising in the darkness of our needs...! Jesus… oh Jesus Sings His Love and we listen.  Again and again Rising in the darkness of our needs, Jesus … Silence of Peace is so loud that all else is drowning.  Jesus is Sounded and the Ripples of its Power continue through eternity.  Jesus, I am Your Garden. Plant within me Your Name as I stay in Your Love and sing Your Song that Taps into the center of my being for

Silence even has Sound

that Carries Your Name.

JESUS, Silence of Peace

Your Aroma Came for the Attention of my heart

Taking my heart to my favorite Place this morning… to You, Father, as I ask Your Sweet Holy Spirit to come and bring Alive the Knowledge of Sounds and Sights of Your Kingdom.  Where the angels join the earth with the voices of Joy from the Rescued bride who stays in constant Jubilance of what awaits as we sing and celebrate Your Love Forever.  Fearing in reverence I am so watchful of today.  I am so excited over today.  Yesterday was so Full, so Abundant with Love that Washed over the fears and Gave to me New Thoughts and Announcements of Grace for my broken paths.  The day before that, Oh, it was again the Blood of Your Holiness Applied as I speak the Powerful Name Jesus in which even a thought of its Declaration Takes Hold and Shakes and Delivers me from my fallen attitudes and Sits me up in Places I otherwise have no rights to.  I am wising up by the Continuation of Your Love over me as Your Promises are so Full of the unseen my eyes can’t even imagine; making a Way for me to begin a New Life in You each day to find everything I could ever want. Love me Father, Love me with Abundance so that I see You.  Love me Father… Love me with Passion for the day before, day before, day before, again another day… You are so Faithful to Redeem my soul from all the wayward falls I seem to find.  Hungry and thirsty for unhealthy fool’s food, You Take me out and Show me Better so that I am astonished and satisfied with only Your Life Giving Food I knew nothing of.  I want to live in Your House forever.  I want Your Hand over my soul as I fearfully come knowing I am in need as I watch death leave my previously aimless directions before Your Aroma Came for the Attention of my heart.  I saw… oh Papa I saw the Sight.  I saw and Fear has a beginning of Knowledge I am seeking.  Oh Bring to me this Beginning.  I am so far from even its Beginning.  Bring to me the Sweet Song of Beauty that I may adorn He who I love.  I find this Fear so fascinating and so unlike what I thought it would be.  Fear to ALWAYS ask for Your Love and Acceptance over my falls.  Fear to have Hunger and Thirst for Your Pardon and Eyes upon my every thought as it travels silly places.  Fear to only be Safe in Your Care and Discipline for I get to far over the edge.  Fear to Know the need I have to only breath Your Word as it unfolds my wrapping I try tightly to conceal.  Love me Deeply, Love me with such Passion I am Sunk in its Grip and Trapped in the Security of its Place.  Love me far past my expectation and known revelations of what Love is.  Show up at all my words and deeds and Give me the Task of Measure so I can know to bury the unclean.  Dwell inward and Expose Your Life from me so Your Love is Manifest on earth.  Stricken me with Kindness so that it is Oozing from the Secret Place we Meet and can be Carried to the Boarders of my walk You Design for this bride in waiting.  Stop my hiding and Find me daily.  Almighty I only want to Hide with You so that I stay under the Shadow of Your Safety.   Your Aroma I seek and I Fear to not ask to Know You More.  Your Aroma has come for the Attention of my heart and I Fear to not ask for Your Love.  I Fear to not give You my heart so broken.  I Fear to not Hide in the Secret Place so that I be Risen to the Refuge of Your Peace.  Comfort me with ALL Blessings that I may Fear Your Name and conquer all raging storms that hit.   I bring to You, You whom I Trust, my children that they Run into You like the Shelter from the storms hitting them.  Give them Supernatural Blessings that cause them to Rise and not faint.  My children are broken and buried, as I, in mud that attaches to the heart so cold.  Warm us with Passion so that we Shed the covers we tried to hide under.  False warmth that wonders about our thinking to confuse.  You… oh God… YOU are our Deliver.  Take in Your Arms my babies and I, my husband and partner in this life.   For the Life of Your Glory upon this earth… take us…!  Each day, today… I look to You TODAY..!  Jesus You are the Cover of my prayer..!  Jesus You are my Friend FOREVER…! 

ANGELS, Taken By The Thought of Its Extreme

Angels, angels, oh my, angels around Him in the Midst of His Throne and about His Sweet Presence ere it be found, Forever.  What a host of angelic activity about the unseen and on going as his Presence fills the earth to which we walk.  Angels spreading and taking His Oil of Gladness to the hearts of His Owned as we stand under the Ring of His Glory.  Angels, Oh my, I am so taken by the thought of its Extreme, of comprehension beyond my searching; Sounding so mighty the Praise of One Holy by His Glory Created in angelic servants.  Designed by His Making so much Work we can only imagine with a small portion, the Creation and servants of Duty.  Yet to see, but oh to desire to see, and be a part of this Knowledge of His Word of the Ring of Glory sitting to Make Known His Majesty, Making the Noise of Holiness around His Throne.  Worthy, so Worthy is the Lamb that was lead to a Cross for me, the Lamb of God. Noise of those who tell the News, Orchestrated to Sing the Song that brings the cry of Amazements.  For always they look upon His Work as desire has given them purpose, His Purpose.  Force has no boundary but to Fulfill.  Giving ready day and night to His Bid, His Call, His Ultimate Wish.  The host of His Army angels pouring out the Call of the Father upon the earth to prepare the bride for their Bridegroom.  I, I am His bride, and have been assigned those He has Instructed towards me.  Each carrying His Command towards my destiny in Him.  So many, so numerous it is impossible for count.  I join in the Celebration.  Dancing as I join in with the Sounds of Praise.  I join in the Musical to contribute to the Table Spread in which we, the broken and downcast have been Invited.  He has found us damaged but Given us His Glorious Best.  All the host of His Wonders Spread His Sweet Aroma as they Follow His Wind of Command which cause His bride to breath in unknown New Aromas Designed to turn their heads towards Him.  Too numerous are they, Created in Obedience as Pleasure of Pureness.  They Hold His Word in awe as Stricken Fact as they Drop each Portioned Oil Drop upon those Sealed by the Blood of the Lamb so Holy.   He Give’s but one request… Come, He Says…. Come and be a part of a Celebration that Honors the Lamb. 

Come, He says..! 

The Path will be Clear, COME…! 

Be Taken by My EXTREME..!

Hebrews 12:22

²² But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, to an innumerable company of angels, ²³ to the general assembly and church of the firstborn who are registered in heaven, to God the Judge of all, to the spirits of just men made perfect, ²⁴ to Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling that speaks better things than that of Abel.

Papa, how much More can You Love me?

Papa, how much More can You Love me?  I open my eyes this morning with difficulty for they are heavy.  How and with what can I show gratefulness?  Oh God… HOW..!!!?  How do I tell You that I am so pleased and so honored that Your Love Finds me Your Subject.  I am overwhelmed with what You have done.  I am showered with Blessings that wrap me up in Beauty that is not even my own.  It is Love in exchange for anger and confusion.  It is Love in exchange for such a heavy heart.  Such Peace to cause me to be Still and find You with Your Total Thoughts Working for my good.  I am grateful as I see Your Tender and Amazing Kindness, so please, find these tears happy tears for I know that in all this You have done, You have Promised many more of Your Abundances as life continues to be mine in You.   It is hard to look at You, I am so sorry, but it is gives me such humility to receive such Wonders.  Sometimes it is hard to accept with understanding for You know everything about me, I try to hide but You always Find me and even watch me trying to hide.  I am a troubled child and I become angry and think I’m finding safety in doing so.  You Wait with Long Suffering and while You Reach for my heart You Speak….’It’s going to be alright!’  Oh my God, my Papa Father that Formed me so long ago, I know not how to say thank You.  How could I know what I was getting into when I asked Jesus to be my Lord and teach me who You are.  How could I know what I was getting into when I accepted Your Sweet Spirit to be all the Fulfillments of Your Heart for me.  You knew me when this happened.  You knew how I would walk this out.  You knew and yet You kept Speaking to me, to turn around all my falling to only see You more Clearly.  How and with what can I show gratefulness?  I am walking with just a need.  I am seeking because I have such needs.  I am reaching out because I am in need.  Papa, how much More can You Love me?  How much More can You Continue to have Eyes for me?  I cannot understand ‘always’ for I have not yet had this be my own personality so I only know to keep seeking You and let Your Work be a Demonstration of what You are, the I Am.  Your Righteousness is all I can wear for my own has holes and is stained with selfishness.  I do give You much praise, so much adoration for I do know Your Love is and has been Complete Faithfulness.  Thank you for giving me an earthly father to understand so much better how You are.  I found a note yesterday just stashed away in a receipt box; so easily it could have been accidently tossed.  I know You were behind my daddy’s love and Find such Pleasure in Flowing through us to our children.  I love my own children so much and I know that is Love from You.  It was December 16, 2003 and daddy called me but I was not home.  He left a message on my voicemail.  He sang it to me like he has done so many times as he makes up his own words.  Here is his song. 

Did you ever know

how much I love you?

Did you ever know

you are a special one?

Did you ever think

how much you make my

heart blink?

Happy birthday to you…

even though

it’s early

and not your birthday.

My birthday is in October so it was a long ways from my birthday but that is just like Your Love… way ahead of time..!

I am so grateful for Your Abundance…!  

Psalm 145: (The Message Bible)
 ⁸ God is all mercy and grace—
      not quick to anger, is rich in love.
 ⁹ God is good to one and all;
      everything he does is suffused with grace.


 ¹³ Your kingdom is a kingdom eternal;
      you never get voted out of office.

   God always does what he says,
      and is gracious in everything he does.
 ¹⁴ God gives a hand to those down on their luck,
      gives a fresh start to those ready to quit.

Papa, how much More can You Love me?