Disciplined And Loving It

Oh how I love the Father’s Discipline.  Sound awkward? … ahhh, okay, sort of, I guess.  But oh what Love involved when Father takes me from that which is destroying me!   Accepting and even grateful for this kind of love is not something I’ve always known; I suppose I’ve grown to realize its value from its work and life within me.

But, have you ever watched a parent work with a child and thought, “If they would just discipline their child? That child would be so much happier, as well as the parent.”  You can see right through the situation as an observer. 

Discipline challenges, yes; but correction - smothered in care, and I’m saved!  It watches constantly and has full pure intention of making certain my affairs do not get out of hand.  No limit of giving up; it works strong and believe it or not, joy’s fulfillment as its end for both Father and me.  Amazing…!  

The results are for the ultimate reward; Father and I have oneness like He and His Son. 

Often I speak of my weaknesses as Discipline will reveal, but swiftly His Spirit carry’s me off to understand better His strength and how to obtain it as my own.  Oh, such love involved.  Not only do I hear His love come pouring in the salvation of Discipline, but I am carried away; just as He has promised, love as my reward from the Father who seeks my heart as His own.  Hebrews 12 is a wonderful chapter to study on this challenging subject.

Hebrews 12:5-6 (NIV)

And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

The ‘ONE’ He loves… This statement has such extreme depth to my soul that finds struggling day after day to renew my life to be the example Jesus teaches.  He Loves those He disciplines, His Word says. Over and over, every disciplined moment brings in enormous amounts of health and refreshment to my soul. 

I give my acknowledgement and sorrow - He gives me His strength and love.  I give my weakness to change - He gives me the ability to want differently.  I surrender my will in bits and pieces - He takes my heart that remains and builds His Kingdom.  I am changed from glory to glory as His love works this tower of His pureness. 

Why would I ever run from His Discipline, such love that intends to show me a better way?  I have sorrow - He has joy.  I have discomfort - He has luxury.  I have pity - He has salvation.  I have mistrust - He has Faithfulness.  I have brokenness - He has Oneness. 

I've learned to call this love for His Discipline, eyes to see weakness.  For to see our weakness and not faint must come from knowing His love covers it all.  The safety of His love will direct us to the Oneness between He and His Son and us, through His Spirit so kind.

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Oh Father, I love Your Discipline that carry’s me into Your arms of life.  I weep for Your kindness that visits me often with such love.  I am so grateful that I am loved.  I return all my love to You and know it has been built upon such kindness.   Condemnation wants us to feel condemned and lost in our weakness; but Your Discipline takes each failure and offers a replacement that will act upon Your Spirit and give eternal security of love unmerited, but in abundance.  Condemned says there is no hope; but Your Discipline (eyes to see weakness) has the Wonders of heaven as the reward.  I continue to pray for such a work to be welcome within my soul that harbors such weariness in constant want for self.    Take hold of those things I hang on to so tightly, You must shake to get it lose.  I have found love for I have found Your Discipline.  I yearn in a new way this strength that has Your promises of passion for me.  Thank You for giving me ‘eyes to see weakness’ and Your Spirit and Word that wars for me.  Thank You for the life in Your Word of truth, Jesus who taught us of You.

Hebrews 12:22-24  (NIV)

But you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.  (NIV)

1. The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

2. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

3. he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.

4. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

6. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Save Me From The Thoughts I Have

Father, the position that You Are, 

puts me at a place 

where at times I am so uncomfortable.  

The One, 

the only One 

and I know this, 

yet often my heart tries to carry on 

as if I myself had this place.  

Forgive me 

when I do this injustice to Your position.  

This is when You are so faithful 

to show Yourself strong 

and with mercy, 

You crumble my lofty heart.  

Save me from the thoughts I have 

that exalt them self’s 

against Your Throne 

and try to dominate 

over my brothers and sisters.  

My life is but a puff of smoke; 

and yet in that, 

You have placed 

a zillion thoughts and actions 

to give me fulfillment 

which does not allow me 

to think I am insignificant.  

In the span of eternity, 

‘now’ 

seems hardly noticeable; 

but You say You have a Plan for me, 

a Place 

that I will not only take with You at this moment

 - but for all eternity 

in which I cannot fathom.   

I wait for Your Voice, 

all the while 

walking in the garden of Your Presence.  

I struggle with flesh, 

all the while 

I am held tightly in Your hands.  

I wish for the unspeakable, 

all the while 

You have every need 

I could possible want laid before me.  

Love has a grip on me 

that sings before I have ears to hear it.  

Love travels like the wind 

as I pass through it without notice.  

Like the air I breathe, 

I inhale the Life You are, 

as the poison that wants my life 

escapes to be filtered 

by Your grace for my next breath.  

Amazing amazements to have Your love.   

I am so grateful for Your position; 

You are the I Am, 

the beginning and the end, 

the Holy One 

that has set eyes upon me 

for a purpose I so want to fulfill 

with the love you have showed me.  

Take my life, 

as it is, 

and continue to saturate me 

in the grace and mercy 

of such abundant love 

so that I can change 

and be this image of You.  

So that I can shine like the stars 

as I reflect Your holiness, 

not my own attempt to be.  

Shower me in Your Wonders….!

Worth Has No End

The music of creation has my attention today. 

Sounding from my thoughts; 

you know, like when you see a baby smile. 

Something happens within 

that softens your emotions 

and your attention forgets 

what you were thinking, 

what you were doing 

and has to ponder the smile 

that has entered for your pleasure. 

God's creation has that same sort of music. 

You see it 

and it’s like a song of thoughts 

come to soften and steal your heart 

to the wonders of 

'what is He smiling about?' 

Then all of a sudden you realize 

that His eyes have caught yours 

and that is what brought on the smile... 

just like the baby. 

Having no fear, 

no judgments, 

no offenses

....just looks at you and smiles. 

Yes, the music of creation (me) 

has my attention 

and I just saw God look at me and smile.

In seeing such a beautiful smile, 

I know only to continue my question of thoughts.  

Why have I caught His attention 

that He would show such pleasure?  

My first response might go to my failures 

I have judged against myself 

and so I might want to cover them 

with a quick reason why I acted as such.  

When I see that His smile has continued 

I wonder if my good has outweighed my bad; 

but something within knows 

that is never going to happen.  

Is His smile locked towards me forever, 

I wonder.  

Have I anything to fear?  

Should I try to understand?  

Should I ask, 

why is this Love stretching so low 

to reach between my zillion thoughts 

that cram into my morning, 

to catch my attention, this music of creation? 

Like a baby whom I have no acquaintance 

searches his world for eyes to fix upon, 

finds eyes everywhere 

and smiles of pleasure are expressed 

across his face.  

Satisfied to watch 

as the entertainment of life plays out; 

Poppa God takes my world 

as His responsibility 

to cover in unconditional love.  

His smile sounds of bells ringing, 

as suddenly I hear 

coming from my walk in His Garden.  

His smile is taking on a song 

that tells His Story and I listen.  

He tells of how this Love 

has no end for He has no end.  

“No end?” I ask.   

His voice, 

now a beautiful song sounding 

responds, “I Am.”   

My chin lifts 

as if I might better understand infinity 

if I look up 

but it’s as if the impossible 

surrounds my mind.  

“How?” 

escapes my thoughts.  

His response, 

“Worth has no end.”  

“Worth?” 

I ask.   

His response, 

“I have placed ‘Worth’ 

upon you 

and nothing can take away this mark.”  

“So I have ‘Worth’?” 

I ask.  

The Song responds again 

to now saturate every part of me, 

as if I have stepped into a heaven realm 

that takes away the ground beneath me, 

and it Sings to me, 

“My eyes see 

the dance of my Spirit 

day and night.  

For I created the sun, moon, 

and all the glory of breath and life.  

My Spirit dances 

within all I created 

and is centered within 

each of my children.  

My gift to you, 

my Spirit, 

gives ‘you’ Worth which has no end.” 

Oh Poppa, 

I see that love 

has enlightened my thoughts 

and I rejoice.  

For in portion 

I understand 

‘Worth’ 

as I ponder my own children 

whom I adore.  

With fresh thoughts 

I carry Your Name 

with new insight.  

I am Yours, the “I Am”.  

Even In Dismay

My lover, 

my dreams in the night 

and my pillow in the daytime.  

My strength that takes me 

from one room to the next 

as I wake 

for His wonders about me.  

How can I not go 

to His whispering meadow 

that blows across my heart 

with kisses so soft 

I can carry them all.  

Silver and gold have no shine 

in comparison to the emotions 

love sweeps through my being.  

All my ability to be 

is taken 
by a want to feel each spark 

that fires beneath my heart.  

I was made to wait 

as the fire grows 

to show its blaze higher and higher 

so that it is all I see.  

Even in dismay, 

love burns the night hours away 

within my soul 

and I pour out my love in return.  

For it matters not 

if my eyes are open or shut, 

love is a fragrance within me

 and it releases its pleasure 

before His altar that consumes my offering.  

I have spilled myself out 

and gave the value of all I have, 

my heart.  

I have cashed in all my thoughts 

and summoned a vow 

to be spent as His rose, 

plucked and cherished 

as a bouquet of love songs.  

Could I ever find any thing more? 

Absolutely impossible; 

for this love is the ultimate 

that refreshes me 

as it comes to waltz in new beauty 

for me to wear.  

I have entered its gate 

that has showed me a brightness 

that combs my face with its fingerprints.  

A brightness that forms to make corners 

that turn any darkness 

to a scene of color and relationship.  

If I cry, 

it sounds an alarm that love acts 

in a fight so lovely.  

If I lean, 

a bolt of revival 

flashes so my weakness 

has new vision to move.  

A camp has been set up
 to war 

for my stay to be eternal.  

Struggle is met with orders 

from on high 

to send extra help.  

Where does such extravagance wait 

as I take my heart through its journey?  

Where is my song hanging out 

as I move in life?  

Will I ever come to the fullness 

of His Love with understanding?  

I run to the lap of satisfaction 

as my longing pulls 

with all my might to this search.  

Loves want 

for everything I am.  

Oh lover, 

my dreams in the night 

and my pillow in the daytime…

I see fire 

with my name upon its flame; 

a name You call me 

by the yearning of Your love.  

I leave nothing to keep for my self 

but reach to take every move 

my soul can make 

to this place.  

The chamber of heaven’s dew 

that draws me away 

and into a no returning.  

For a taste of heaven’s Love 

has completed the make 

of who I am now and forever,
even when my soul is in dismay.

Repentance

Father, I realize that this world holds distress and wants to consume us with its false vanity saying it will satisfy, but oh what a lie.  Stronger is the might You are than any mountain I face, even when the mountain is my own self indulgences strongly screaming for its feeding.  Fighting is the Spirit within to encourage me to hold on for the victory may look very different than how my mind wants to spell it.  For there is no failure in Your Love that wraps its constancy around me!  

I hold to that Love that never runs out on me, 

but carefully shining a path 

one step at a time so that I am not overwhelmed.  

Today has purpose and I surrender to its goodness as I stand and watch Your Love saturate me with assurance You have paid for my mistakes and will take my hand  in all areas of search.  Nothing else will take my soul to the refreshing of new life that returns the presence of Your Glory upon me.  

My mind struggles to say repentance will tumble my world into a destruction I could never escape but Your Spirit shows me repentance is the rain my soul searches for day and night.  With it comes the shedding of old to give birth to the created place I am born to know, Your Glory.  

Melt away my resistance, my Lord, my eternal source of Life so rich.  I fall at Your feet with the call of Your Love bidding my heart to be its recipient and I slowly give away my will.  

Oh the scare that comes to haunt with its false accusations of destruction.  I call again for the battle is the visual of too much.  I must see the entrance of Your Holiness to give way for Your Love to find its resting place in me.  Even now my heart cries for this work to be a beauty I will allow. 

Over and over You show me how worth these transitions are by such Love that wipes fear from having rule as war between my flesh and soul battles.  Each piece surrendered is looked at from my view as nothing; but by Your View, You see the mountain crumbling and entrance to live abundantly in me.  

I shake and tremble but the enemy is losing and Your work is my song.  I will praise You forever…! 

Ocean Of Hate

Psalm 18:16-19; 2 Samuel 22: 17-20

But me he caught – reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide – open field; I stood there saved – surprised to be loved.

Sometimes I feel so alone in my pain and then I read something like this scripture and find that my God, The God, has duplicated His Love in so many lives.  Revealing His passion over and over in like manner to those He created.  

Saul, a chosen king, love/hates David with extremes; an Old Testament story of such fascinating past.  Like a son, King Saul gives David rule of his kingdom at one point; and then attempting to kill him the next, as trouble seeps in.  Back and forth with love/hate bleeding as history is made.  We read and forget it is recorded for our own enlightenment. To see both sides of the story is power as we go deep in the things of God's Love.

Dare I say, my life included, suffer from an ocean of hate dished out or drowning from such hate, forcing actions of pain?

Hidden with all we've got, we wish not to open these moments, moments surrounded by an ‘ocean of hate,’ so we pretend we ‘did/do fine’ or even go to that it ‘didn’t happen’ denial place of safety.  But that ‘ocean of hate’ has potential to come back to consume us, for the enemy’s carefully designed scam is to stunt any breakdown of his planned divisions. 

So what is the solution?  

First "I" have to admit I’m drowning (it matters not if giving it or receiving it) and then the most fascinating experiences begin.  Difficult to understand because there is no real formula of words or action, but strictly an offering of heart!  

The heart is so confusing for it has many avenues to attempt its own survival but NOT the answer.  

Often I must sleep on it or allow quiet time to ponder what the heck just happened.  

Then I listen 

and watch 

as this may take form 

in many behaviors.  

Recently a dream came, so I saught deep into it after painfully going through the emotions of admitting this drowning.  What was its underline theme?  

I dreamed a yellow caution line was drawn to show me a divisional territory.  I saw a smaller territory that was a playground of no worries; but then as a yellow dotted line was drawn to show a much larger territory, a caution was sounded as I woke wondering why?  

So I ask the Counselor.  The Holy Spirit that resides within to train, equip and guide me to my Father.  I have no clue but fearless to ask, for never have I found any question treated as silly.

My question..., “Huh? What did that mean?”  

As I searched and began to read His Word, this scripture kept showing up.  My first understanding - not within my own knowledge - was I might be in an ‘ocean of hate’.  I check my heart.... "oh God.. do I hold a ocean of hate against someone? I just thought I was painfully hurting or depressed."  Connecting the dream with this scripture,I could hear His sweet voice as I opened my heart …. Surprised to be loved!  Oh how I fall to this guilt.  I think that is why so often I write of such... it is of such surprise.  For I know me all too well.

I asked another question..."What is loved?"  

Usually it isn’t what I think it’s going to be.  Like a child filled with themselves, I think it means everything goes my way verses another’s.  This is so unsatisfying.  So I squirm as all my defenses go up to fight.  But the fight changes as I listen with new intentions for I feel so uneasy about the 'drowning' word.  

I am asked..."What truth and what deception wants to be added to my struggle?"  

When defeat is found and I surrender to His disciplined amazing Love, the enemy’s most general reply is the “oh, aren’t you so holy”, trying to apply His (God’s) Holiness upon me - as if I'm trying to be Holy or be God Him self.  This is when I must stay connected to the Source but not take the Source as my doing.  I simply become a vessel of His Communion, as hell breaks out to storm the gates of heavens riches within me.   Knowing the humility that even Jesus took, I must work desperately to only hear/say what the Father says.  

With successes and failures, I stay close to His Heart, as I fear the Lord with such respect who has lavished His non-countable bounty upon me.  

When opinion or thoughts take shape and I find it escaping, I want it to be known it is but my opinion, for I am a terrible judge.  A statement merely to take to the Father for reprove and/or correction; exposure of truth or false within its borders.   

I must remain 'in' Love, (not my own - for my love proves over and over to not have the substance His Love proves).  But in His Love - it flows to both me and to whom I may be hurting over.  How else can I hear Truth speak unless I am nestled deep in His pouring of Communion?   

Far too difficult is the exposure of darkness without Love’s never failing holding.  

So my heart takes in its broken state and its need, as I experience unconditional acceptance as His; separating Truth that Love exposes from the enemy’s accusations with full intentions of destruction.   

As the Hero of all, swoops me out of lies that dissolve like smoke in the air, He stands me up on a wide-open field and there I am, loved in spite of my surprise.  Accepted as His own no matter what the outcome.  Love, His Love is my guide.

Now weapons of warring prayer goes to the heavens as I declare His Love will abound and deliver us from evil.  No weapon formed against us will prevail.  The Mighty One has conquered death, hell, and was resurrected to sit with the Father to ever make intercession for us.  

Holding me, pulling me out of oceans of hate as His Pleasure and great Joy is made with Songs, I surrender to His Love so kind.  Dances are choreographed in heaven with sounds of honor to He who Delivers when and each time I am captured in Loves Domain to pull my self and others to His Wonders.   

For the ultimate cause of Love was manifested to one drowning...me.  

How amazing is His Abundance to me.  Weak and broken, He comes with the Sword of His Spirit and kills the enemy who wants my soul.  Over and over and over defeat is His Victory within me.  

Some day I will face the Almighty and before Him I will throw my crown Jesus bought for me, and know that I come to His Throne only because His Love was upon me.  

I believe ultimately … Jesus came and did two things that guide me to the Father. 

One…He revealed the un-comprehensible and unmerited Love the Father has.  

Two…He exposed the enemy in the heavens and on earth.  This He did for me so that I can live in His Riches according to His Work working the same Beautiful Works within me.   

If you have ever asked to see the Lord’s Beauty, look at your life and experience the surprise of being loved.

Failure Causes Me To Go Deeper

Suddenly

love seems to explode in my world.  

Caught by a song

or floating notion,

in a snap,

what had been traveling through,

capturing my attention

to be of utmost importance,

dissolves;

love has now decorated itself

boldly so all has new color. 

Shaken for motivations of all kinds,

I begin the pondering

of what love might speak;

for although known to be mine,

each occasion

is fresh like a needed meal

for hunger’s call. 

Holding on with utmost approach,

I stretch the moment

by repeating over and over

loves impression

with this entrance cry

– “Shine, oh shine on me,

love that walks in impromptu. 

Spread Your sentiment about

so the fragrance of Your delicate aroma

raises notice

some One has arrived! 

Leap, my heart,

as I embrace the Hug

I know is coming my way.”

Joy covered in tears accompany

for I am so loved

not a thought enters

of my own appearance;

how unlovely I might be at the moment. 

Entered so many, many times before

assures me this entrance is to love,

just as I am. 

No worries;

no obligations;

and yet I struggle to trap love to stay. 

For the Song that entered

brings with each encounter

new clothes to cloth me,

new eyes to see differently;

enriching me with strength

to replace such weaknesses. 

If only, oh, if only

I could share back

such tremendous affection! 

Failure causes me to go deeper

into the wonder

of such love given me. 

Delight surrounds me

with capacity as I hunger

of this mighty love.

I seek to splurge

with emotions

as feverishly I gather

to fill my belly with His zeal

so lavishly poured upon me.  

I ask with plea’s….

“What can I do to love You back?

I am so empty and frail.” 

His Voice sounds as thunder

about to bring the soaking

of pure drenching soft rain…

”Let me come in and live with you.”