Where Is The Voice Of God

Have you ever asked, "Where is the Voice of God?"  I have people ask me this question.  "I want to hear God but He doesn't speak to me, or I sure don't hear Him." I cringe as I ponder the pain I've often had when I 'cannot hear' the Voice of God in my life. The downfall of my soul as it fails to breath because I am alone.  

But I'm learning, oh how I have become a student of hearing the Voice of God as I crumble to gather my troubled life as an open book.  I have learned to live the denying of Christ that Peter experienced as I see my own embarrassed look of being a Christ follower.  I have learned to live the confusion of Thomas as he demands to 'see' before he will believe.  I have learned to live the plead that Paul begged the Father to remove his thorn in his flesh so comfort would be my pillow at night. 

Mistrusting, finding fault, forgetful of miracles within my own life that would shake me to believe another mighty move would ever again come my way.  I tried all the talk right, look right, moves - and I only got that... I appeared to talk right and I appeared to look right... but something was so lacking in how I really believed all that I was doing.  

Then my world crashed and I lost the jewel that held my heart on earth.  My husband suffered a traumatic brain injury as well as breaking his back and many ribs.  His Ph.D became the vocabulary of confused words in a desperate fight to make sense.  As speech began to form his heart again, regaining so much that was lost, I struggled with this new life.  Pretending I was okay just wasn't working for me any more and I wasn't seeing the healing I wanted.  

I began a search to find real and amazingly found His Voice was speaking all the time... and I do mean ALL THE TIME.  I was not honest with myself so how could I hear honest. 

Now I begin where I am and in that place, I hear His Voice so sweetly, I see His Face as His expression becomes a vision before my eyes and I respond with a language that I attempt to reveal this beautiful picture.    

In most cases, I am not coming with a beautiful song, I am coming with a heavy heart.  I just know now that it's okay...!

.............

I search my heart this morning.  My Lord, to whom I know only from the abundance of Love poured upon me with every step involved that I've taken.  My history, others history; detailed by memory, written upon documents of records here and there, visually seen as You authenticate to confirm Your Name at the beginning and end of each moment.  

Holding my breath as Your own very life, as You number them to bring me to perfect dwelling of Your Voice.  Oh to carry me to such yearning when this Sound takes my attention, be it in the middle of the night or through the day that is scattered with disinterestedness.  

The disengagement of my heart twirls to ride the excursion as Your Voice converts my thoughts to Yours.  A sway of peace takes me by surprise as the disturbance of the world begins to pass me by as if I were no longer a visible residence.  Fighting a current with humankind takes a halt as I discontinue to sojourn in its lodge.  

Peace waves its new from end to end, from first to last; all the way through my being as I listen with my lost heart.  Peace shows me a dance by the guiding of the Voice Love has now plunged to the depths of my no restraints.  

Drawing my heart to be chauffeured as the Voice of Love transports its ambitious dream to be my True Love.  It hurls me into an ocean that drowns all my iniquity that tossed me away from hearing; it throws me into a chuckle of romance.  Giggling as peace enjoys my decision to be one.  

Found, I find again more Love as Your Thoughts feed my soul with conversation that Your Life has me written in the heat of Your Passion.  My response drops with a close connection with disbelief, for such Passion is with such extreme, I find my life too filled with small gods that occupy; how can I fight to open this door?  How can I tear down the awestruck fear of such Passion?  How can I know this is the height of Your Way?  

Your Thunder Sounds, and my heart races as I continue to push for there is no other Voice that lights my fire.  A whisper of Your Voice has power beyond my greatest fight.  I lean in, I incline to ascend to the Call that remains as my questions soar.  Patience throws my heart back into the sway of His Dance.  

Waiting, His Love waits as it melts my questions with vision; I see His Hand wrapping around me as His whole body embraces me with a hug that says, “My wait has the power of substance felt and purpose to hold.”  

I sob, and sob, with tears and emotions that take me to know as I searched my heart this morning; again, my Lord confirms who He is, from the abundance of Love poured upon me, with every step involved that I take.  

I want to stay here.

My Turn

My turn, 

as I run to the rainbow of enchantment

 from this charming love, 

holding me against His cheek 

that calls me by my name, 

as I cuddle for all I can contain.  

Spraying me 

with irresistible clouds of fascination 

I am held by my awestruck entrance 

to this heart for me.  

My turn, 

as I quickly gather 

my juvenile concepts 

of His choosing my heart 

for His adoration, 

and run to this place where lightning strikes 

with force behind bold Eyes 

knowing what He wants.  

Taking up my ridiculous self 

to dare give

 my released hold of false, 

for pure sovereignty of intensity 

that expands and collapses

 weight forming the unseen and seen.   

My turn, 

as I fix my eyes not to turn away,

 that I might die

 as I pull to the edge of eternity 

so I least put my hand 

within a place authority rules.  

For I have a message, 

a "song" that was given by the Son’s win

 in giving all He had for my way.  

Entitled was He, 

for He was the Supreme’s Son 

and rights to my heart was ravished 

as His walk opened heaven’s door 

for a new world (existence) 

be permitted as it pours through me.   

My turn,
as I lift what flows through me,

 love that connects me as one 

with now and forever; 

to let my heart, mind and soul 

declare I have such generous love given 

to give back.  

Filled with so much, 

It's my turn

...

I return with  exhilaration, my song,

“me”.

Faultless Desire Enters My Soul

Poppa God, I am looking at You today with Ah as the Spirit within captures a fresh thought of how life gives me pleasures.  

My mind continues to fight the question of growing closer: the ‘how to’, the ‘what is’; the very yearning of its outcome, when touching into this kingdom that invites as you are.  

The knowledge of who I am too often forbids me to enjoy, as my love-sick heart yearns for exactly what is offered. I watch as another enters and I throw up the fight, “why did they get to go?”  Your kindness pushes me, trips me, tells me something is wrong with You; all the while running to this same acceptance for myself from Your raining streams of love.  

I find all sorts of emotions, right and wrong (?), but always this weightless love that covers me so that I am protected from falling so low You cannot get me up.  My loss has the reward of gratification and I do not seem to comprehend this principle.  

How will I ever fathom this unmerited fondness I find irresistible?  

Water of any other river has mud within its spaces; only the pure River that has touched my taste for perfect will be the vision of my passion.  

Outside I wonder without a jacket and its cold blanket leaves me in a chase to participate with my hearts inquiry.  Where are You?  What is on the menu for my day today?  

Probing into the sound of love that starts with a slight beat of a Heart I hear, as I examine with deep investigation this kingdom I surrender to.  Waves of pure River beat upon my soul with love notes as Your Heart has perfect rhythm.  

I turn my face to look.  
You stir my passion with something I have no words for, for how does one write of Pure?  

Faultless desire enters my soul.  

Your fixation that cannot be hidden from, exposes Your obsession as I see Your Eyes are looking at me.  

Do I run away?  

Do I try to explain?  

Do I give my excuses?  

I twist and turn as the very entity I was in pursuit of is now clear enough that I shrink.  

Why is my first response – “WHAT?”  Why do I lower to think You would have the same selfish reason for gratification of flesh I entertain?  

When will I understand this God of Compassion?  

Heavenly Complexion

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus… 

What a name 

that brings so many emotional thoughts. 

Used by the world,

 misunderstood by so many; 

and yet the Name (kingdom) 

we are saved under. 

Leader, One who has brought love 

of His Father 

to the hearts of creation.  

I can’t help but search 

so many wonders 

about this abundance that has assured me 

it has only my good in mind.  

What was it like, in heaven, 

as eternity before 

was making preparations.  

Existence of what I would call 

the assembly of heavenly complexion.  

The Face of heaven’s harmony…before satan’s fall.  

The harmony of worship 

without disorder; 

but fountains of beauty

 from and to the throne

 that made all to know only fulfillment.  

Music that tunes the entire existence 

into perfect synchronization.  

Air that penetrated 

to customize life for each appearance of God 

to be the structure of decisive beauty

 it was began for.  

Jesus there to dance with emotions 

all momentous non-actuality of time. 

Sharing as worship to Father 

created maintenance of continuation of essentials, 

before time - to time no more.  

Jesus, evidence of God’s love, 

strolling from one miraculous to another; 

wearing the unity of total surrender

 to each rain drop of heaven’s saturation

 lavished upon Him.  

Taking only the position His title role spoke, 

as along side Father and Spirit completed in Him.  

As sounds and movement opened 

by the Voice of Jesus, 

it became time for me.  

I was designed and wanted with great desire.  

Pleasure was had with even the thought of my day.  

War was made to fill all my heart 

with His permeating want 

to be in this same existence

 as one with what I search to understand. 

Oversupplying, 

overwhelming,

 overloading with 

a flooding of love 

that would call me 

to this same partaker of worship, 

as perfectness has its curing effect

 to all my needs created 

to draw me to the source,

 my Father.  

Giving me a moment for thought and decision

 with all its beauty as reward, 

and then celebration sounds aloud

 in the heaven’s from which Jesus began 

as eternity lifts my soul 

to enjoy the house of Father’s Love.  

Forever now to be joined 

in this assembly of heavenly complexion.  

The Face of heaven’s harmony.

Loved - Not Feeling It

Have you ever felt ‘not loved’? 

I think we have all experienced this challenging moment and was forced to pull through to overcome its shock to our system.  I’m not sure why we conclude that we are beyond someone’s wrath or anger and should be accepted in spite of all the many ways we fail them, abuse them, and see first and foremost to our own selfishness.  

Peering through a window of our own life and satisfactions we make a judgment call that ‘you do not love me correctly’ and so I’m going to make you suffer for that.  Confusion then enters to stir its mix of truths with edgy lies, decorating its base for strength to apply against the target.   A contract begins to fill its pages with cries and woes that determine your theory for wins and loses.   Chapters take their titles; and not until stones are thrown to mark history of each destruction, we stand our guiltless position.  Pain becomes a garment so closely woven to our skin, we erase from our mind any notion it can be removed. 

It now becomes all about me and no longer about another’s failing attempt to breath in this locked penitentiary.  Waiting, just waiting we say… for proved visits that will take our heart to the heavenly expectations it feels it deserves.  Tighter and tighter the rope becomes and yet deeper and deeper the inspiration sinks to your soul that you have extreme rights to this philosophy of standard.  

Slowly we die, waiting for life.

A secret I've found while in my pit of selfish yearnings: a new vision develops (as my falling soul loses its battle) to find the One True Love within myself.  

A Light that shines keeps getting my attention more often as my tears find my own life failing me.  A higher Joy begins to be experienced and leave me dancing a different dance of thoughts.  A greater desire starts building from mere seconds of touching into this invasion of a different love.  

At first I hardly notice its entrance but its fragrance is left behind and I search for its name.  All that love is, begins its simple song singing within my heart as I find nothing else now compares to what I tasted.  I cannot see this aroma but it seems to touch every part of my emotions and turns my nature upside down.  It draws me to a new thought that this uncommon Love is not about how much 'I' can give or take but simply created to awaken my devotion away from myself and to a heaven made Oneness.  

My eyes can’t look at things the same, nor can my affection remain upon what earth had me bound to.  Love, Pure Love has taken my hand and has refused to drop me in spite of my unclean face.  It surrounds my heart with something so fresh, it melts upon my existence.  

An expansion of something I do not understand accelerates past my want to slow it down.  Time leaves and only the name of One Love remains step after step towards tomorrow.  I find my failure to love or receive love was based on my consumption of earth’s pleasures rather than Pure Love based on heavenly treasures.  

Now compelled by a Voice of Change, yearning to bring me to a ‘better Way’ I float upon earth rather than walk for I am not a resident, just a visitor created by Pure Love, and beckoned to its lap of luxury. 

Have I ever felt ‘not loved’?  

I still do at times.  But I am learning who it is that really does not love me and that is the enemy, the devil who was jolted from his position in heaven and hates the Lover of my soul.  

I am an offspring of Father’s Love whom He sent on earth to rescue me from the hate created by this creature called the devil.  Absolute Love that has no self-exalting god want-to-be motives within me, has found there is but One God, and my surrender to His Love is a freedom to find Love of those I have gifts of friendships, family, spouse, and even for myself. 

Steps Beautifully Choreographed

Heavenly languages, songs that the angels sing. Heavenly languages, songs that the angels sing. 

I just can't stop singing! 

Playing on the keyboard early this morning, this is what came from my voice. 

On and on about the scattering of the fiery messengers on earth preforming the assignments given by our Lord. 

Listening... oh yeah listening came from my heart! 

Heavenly languages, songs that the angels sing. 

He stands on Mount Olive, the Teacher is sounding His Word. 

EXCITED...!!!

We surround ourselves 

today 

with Your Promises 

as we call You 

Lord of our lives.  

Watching about us 

and even before we go, 

You have caused our steps 

to be ordered 

for the gathering 

of our heart to Yours.  

In the busy of our thoughts, 

You crowd out confusion 

so we hear 

the purity of love’s sound 

ringing its musical rhythm 

for steps beautifully choreographed.  

For even in our sleep 

we awake from this morning, 

You tickled our emotions 

for this very meeting 

where we can dance together 

Your love songs.  

Lifting our voices 

as it dances across the air; 

lifting our eyes 

in a dance that waltzes 

its color to match Yours.  

With space created 

for growth and new treasures, 

we climb the mountain 

of Your Word 

to find each new dance 

that awaits.  

Arm in arm, 

Hand in hand, 

Heart to heart, 

You guide and we follow.  

Stepping towards the finale 

of Face to face. 

You've Brought Nothing, Piercing Words

Words spoken to me, “I have…..!  What have you brought……?  You’ve brought nothing.”

What words have been sent to pierce your side?  Our life is full of complications that we can accept or reject.  Are they true but we do not want to face them?  Are they false and we can’t climb over them?  Are they intended to cripple as the enemy comes in to take advantage of a weakness we hold?  Why are words being spoken?  What are the words you are fighting? 

Father, because we stumble, we come often.  Oh God, Your love searches me at every down fall, all times, every time.  Because I fall my heart bleeds for Your mercy.  I want to think I have a miraculous heart that springs from kindness and releases a magical aroma that is treasured by my reputation among women and men of earth; but I lay aside crowns given by man and seek what comes to pass through Your wonders that keep me from destruction. 

Hosanna, You come, You save, You are the song that my heart cries for.  You are the simple that I want to understand but my heart complicates.  Oh I want to hear the path that has my name pronounced and declared as Your angels make clear the assignments given upon it.  All other gods I have touched have deceived me and I become sick with their false faces.  Oh, Son of Jesse, God of Abraham, King of all kings, Messiah who has Sheppard me time and time as the lost sheep, I struggle in the bush, I crumble as pain throws me its curve and I sink. 

I cannot forget Your passion, Your faithfulness, Your salvation that has thrown away all stops and runs swiftly to my broken heart ripped with words that crush; and yet have only the strength I give them.  Why do I rage against false mountains?  What lies within my heart that causes the struggle against this spoken utterance of untruth?  Truth blows hard, like a hurricane, to remove that which is not fixed to the tower of Your Word.  I reach for the Hand that holds me in these storms.  Am I shocked that I am so weak?  Am I so full of pride that untrue accusations can tumble the kingdom I built for myself?  Do I fall asleep at the wheel as if I do not realize how weary I am to know I must stop and allow Rest (Word) fight against my state of extreme hunger in whatever form it applies to me?  Am I not listening but just arguing? 

Father, I take the lie of no worth for this moment and apply Your Word that says back to the enemy of my soul who waits for its chance to cripple my days.  I speak Your affection and Your evaluation of my position of this day.  Your Love speaks to me… “Sought with the most extreme price, I saw you a far and sent redemption to pay for the entrance of your life to engage with Me, given you the ability to see my Glory as it passes through the Name of my Son, Jesus.  Leaving my Spirit to dwell in existence through your walk as I break the snare the enemy sets.  I Am, the eternal preservation of your soul.  I place my worth upon you and I am on your (my people) side, my Word will not return void unto me.” 

Thank You Jesus for showing You fought against what the devil would say by speaking Your Father’s life within You that was given.  Full of His Life and Words from His Passion for You and those He sent You to save.  Listening to Father as He burns with the Fire of His Spirit within me, I seek, I knock, I ask to be consumed with His Passion.  The strength of man is a falling allusion of power; but the Strength of Your Wind that blows with You Spirit’s Flame is the torch that reveals the beginning and end of times.  You have set Your Love upon Your chosen and Your fight for them is fierce.  I can feel its burn and I run to its consumption.      

Matthew 4 (AMP)

^1-3 Next Jesus was taken into the wild by the Spirit for the Test. The Devil was ready to give it. Jesus prepared for the Test by fasting forty days and forty nights. That left him, of course, in a state of extreme hunger, which the Devil took advantage of in the first test: “Since you are God’s Son, speak the word that will turn these stones into loaves of bread.”

⁴ Jesus answered by quoting Deuteronomy: “It takes more than bread to stay alive. It takes a steady stream of words from God’s mouth.”

^5-6 For the second test the Devil took him to the Holy City. He sat him on top of the Temple and said, “Since you are God’s Son, jump.” The Devil goaded him by quoting Psalm 91: “He has placed you in the care of angels. They will catch you so that you won’t so much as stub your toe on a stone.”

⁷ Jesus countered with another citation from Deuteronomy: “Don’t you dare test the Lord your God.”

^8-9 For the third test, the Devil took him to the peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth’s kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, “They’re yours—lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on your knees and worship me, and they’re yours.”

¹⁰ Jesus’ refusal was curt: “Beat it, Satan!” He backed his rebuke with a third quotation from Deuteronomy: “Worship the Lord your God, and only him. Serve him with absolute single-heartedness.”

¹¹ The Test was over. The Devil left. And in his place, angels! Angels came and took care of Jesus’ needs.

Psalm 18 (AMP)¹ I love You fervently and devotedly, O Lord, my Strength.
⁵⁰ Great deliverances and triumphs gives He to His king; and He shows mercy and steadfast love to His anointed, to David and his offspring forever.

² The Lord is my Rock, my Fortress, and my Deliverer; my God, my keen and firm Strength in Whom I will trust and take refuge, my Shield, and the Horn of my salvation, my High Tower.

³ I will call upon the Lord, Who is to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies.

⁴ The cords or bands of death surrounded me, and the streams of ungodliness and the torrents of ruin terrified me.

⁵ The cords of Sheol (the place of the dead) surrounded me; the snares of death confronted and came upon me.

⁶ In my distress [when seemingly closed in] I called upon the Lord and cried to my God; He heard my voice out of His temple (heavenly dwelling place), and my cry came before Him, into His [very] ears.

⁷ Then the earth quaked and rocked, the foundations also of the mountains trembled; they moved and were shaken because He was indignant and angry.

⁸ There went up smoke from His nostrils; and lightning out of His mouth devoured; coals were kindled by it.

⁹ He bowed the heavens also and came down; and thick darkness was under His feet.

¹⁰ And He rode upon a cherub [a storm] and flew [swiftly]; yes, He sped on with the wings of the wind.

¹¹ He made darkness His secret hiding place; as His pavilion (His canopy) round about Him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.

¹² Out of the brightness before Him there broke forth through His thick clouds hailstones and coals of fire.

¹³ The Lord also thundered from the heavens, and the Most High uttered His voice, amid hailstones and coals of fire.

¹⁴ And He sent out His arrows and scattered them; and He flashed forth lightnings and put them to rout.

¹⁵ Then the beds of the sea appeared and the foundations of the world were laid bare at Your rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of the breath of Your nostrils.

¹⁶ He reached from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters.

¹⁷ He delivered me from my strong enemy and from those who hated and abhorred me, for they were too strong for me.

¹⁸ They confronted and came upon me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my stay and support.

¹⁹ He brought me forth also into a large place; He was delivering me because He was pleased with me and delighted in me.

²⁰ The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness (my conscious integrity and sincerity with Him); according to the cleanness of my hands has He recompensed me.

²¹ For I have kept the ways of the Lord and have not wickedly departed from my God.

²² For all His ordinances were before me, and I put not away His statutes from me.

²³ I was upright before Him and blameless with Him, ever [on guard] to keep myself free from my sin and guilt.

²⁴ Therefore has the Lord recompensed me according to my righteousness (my uprightness and right standing with Him), according to the cleanness of my hands in His sight.

²⁵ With the kind and merciful You will show Yourself kind and merciful, with an upright man You will show Yourself upright,

²⁶ With the pure You will show Yourself pure, and with the perverse You will show Yourself contrary.

²⁷ For You deliver an afflicted and humble people but will bring down those with haughty looks.

²⁸ For You cause my lamp to be lighted and to shine; the Lord my God illumines my darkness.

²⁹ For by You I can run through a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.

³⁰ As for God, His way is perfect! The word of the Lord is tested and tried; He is a shield to all those who take refuge and put their trust in Him.

³¹ For who is God except the Lord? Or who is the Rock save our God,

³² The God who girds me with strength and makes my way perfect?

³³ He makes my feet like hinds’ feet [able to stand firmly or make progress on the dangerous heights of testing and trouble]; He sets me securely upon my high places.

³⁴ He teaches my hands to war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

³⁵ You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, and Your right hand has held me up; Your gentleness andcondescension have made me great.

³⁶ You have given plenty of room for my steps under me, that my feet would not slip.

³⁷ I pursued my enemies and overtook them; neither did I turn again till they were consumed.

³⁸ I smote them so that they were not able to rise; they fell wounded under my feet.

³⁹ For You have girded me with strength for the battle; You have subdued under me and caused to bow down those who rose up against me.

⁴⁰ You have also made my enemies turn their backs to me, that I might cut off those who hate me.

⁴¹ They cried [for help], but there was none to deliver—even unto the Lord, but He answered them not.

⁴² Then I beat them small as the dust before the wind; I emptied them out as the dirt and mire of the streets.

⁴³ You have delivered me from the strivings of the people; You made me the head of the nations; a people I had not known served me.

⁴⁴ As soon as they heard of me, they obeyed me; foreigners submitted themselves cringingly and yielded feigned obedience to me.

⁴⁵ Foreigners lost heart and came trembling out of their caves or strongholds.

⁴⁶ The Lord lives! Blessed be my Rock; and let the God of my salvation be exalted,

⁴⁷ The God Who avenges me and subdues peoples under me,

⁴⁸ Who delivers me from my enemies; yes, You lift me up above those who rise up against me; You deliver me from the man of violence.

⁴⁹ Therefore will I give thanks and extol You, O Lord, among the nations, and sing praises to Your name.