Crushed And Traumatized Without My Walls I Lay Bare

Where do I begin, Poppa?  

Wishin’ I could say I’m coming because I've just got it so together I want to offer from my abundance.  But I am so empty I wonder if coming to You will fill the void; and everything within me says this thought is so extravagantly wrong...!    How do I get so down that I lose sight You have the answer to every search upon earth, for every right road You beckon my concept to consider.  

I wait upon You with my mind set “see, I told you, He won’t..!”  I cry for it will not disappear but grows, as I stumble while hand in hand I dance with doubt and deceit.  Knowing the picture before me has developed from the shadow I fear.  I assume rather than make my way to see what is really there.  I gasp in terror as I speak my fears as if they happened yesterday, so today I must make my move from their truth; yet all alone they scream fear of future, not fear from past.  I talk, I cry, I move with a loud verdict as I pass my judgment on each situation, convinced my mathematically evaluation summed with precision. 

Then suddenly, with a breath of wind, walls crumble that I built with steal, and there is absolutely no energy to rebuild.  

Crushed and traumatized without my walls, I lay bare. 

Love softly nudges but I hardly notice for I feel destroyed by my own trouble.  How, or what could love do, that can change the color of my sky to be anything but rain intending to drown, not water.  Strength again fails me and I can only wait while love refuses to give me over to my infectious wounds.  Belly sick, soul nauseated as I attempt to rise.  My heart feels a burn for it recalls only pain.

Where is your light?  Where are the purposes?  Where do I find my heart again?  Who am I that I should even ask. 

----

There was an explosion but I heard nothing for I was deaf.  Love fought, love battled and awakened within what was dull.  From the center of my being, loyal to my despair, I cry…”I’m sorry Lord.  I’m so sorry Lord.  I let my soul run away with deceit and loneliness.”    

Strange is this place when love is the filter rather than trickery and loneliness.  Strange is the air that with force unfelt, now brings in pure to patch and mend what was impossible to restore.  Whispers, now notes that gather to form a new song, start calling my name.  My heart broadens and trust is the acquaintance standing tall to tell me again sweetness that expands my position.  A hand reaches to lift me to view my world afresh.  Examine with a panoramic lens love gives to any defining moment.  

Amazing to see my same situation with a healthy heart instead.  Amazing to find the God of Angel Armies in full force, full armor, dressed with power, dressed with purpose.  Standing at command from the throne of love, I see eyes engulfed in the beginning of wisdom, "fear the Lord God."  Fear that never makes one run, but creates the knowing of who He is.

Whistle While You Work Poppa

Oh Poppa, I declare You are a friend of all friends.  Your ear is always listening and yet I will travel afar looking for an ear to speak to that will somehow hear my heart.  Looking for someone that will respond like You do, for my best and not for my own gratifications or to get at-a-boys.  I fail to remember this is impossible; for if I could find such, they too would be God and there is no other god but You.  I know You speak from those who know You, those who seek Your will and not their own.  I am not talking about this amazing source of Your love and energy.  No I’m speaking of wanting another to take away the fear, another to make answers work for me, another to love with total Spirit and not flesh involved.  I want another to be what I could never be until I no longer walk in this flesh but by the new body which will be made of Spirit only. 

Burdened with sights and unknowns, helplessly I fumble.  Thoughts roaring as they serge into high gear for a response now, leaving results to be worried about later.  But when I can’t find, I come running back to You knowing it is where I belong.  

Come, love me with the command that sets angels in motion, stops the raging sea, and settles the arguments within.  Call my name and I will arise.  Take my heart and I will follow.  Shut the lion’s mouth where I stand in view of their want to devour me.  Swing down to catch me away as the battle wars against itself to the doom of its prediction.  Kindness that melts the wall I placed as resistance, shower me now.  Jesus, whistle as You work me into His love exposed.  Totally focused on correcting the worldliness I added, prune and water me with the saturation love demands from me. 

No one, absolutely no one has walked my life, so I am wrapped in the pleasure of Your one-of-a-kind productions.  Sacredly developing in Your salvation, I joyfully stay in this secret place with a dance that comes from knowing and being told repeatedly of the specialty I am to Your plan, Your fulfillment as God.  My song, though it may sound like another, has tones unmarked except by my voice.  You hear my thoughts for they are rings coming from a source only designed to be me.  Even my whispers have color that fills the sky with brilliant light as Your Spirit forms perfection in me.  Floating weight is measure upon the scale when in this secret place; for the burdens of heaviness have gone.  Often I say nothing and yet my life itself creates a memory upon the wall of heaven as its praise declares only One God I am united with.  My soul rest as my heart is mended with the stings of angels sewing their work assigned. 

He who dwells in the secret place shall abide under the shadow of the most High God (Ps 91).  

Why would I ever go outside?  Why would I ever tremble?  Only when my eyes fail me; only when I have forgotten the Maker’s plan will I make stress my conversation.

My inheritance is Your gift to me and it fills me with wonders.  My strength holds acceptance of Your timing, Your choosing of days and what fills them.  My attention embraces help with new vision.  Who is the servant, who is being served has no level as His kingdom is painted for His Son, Jesus Christ.  Love plunders the fake stands and builds upon the Rock, His church, in which the gates of hell cannot prevail against.  I love what God loves and I hate what God hates.  His love transforms me to know the difference and hunger to cultivate pure.  My heart pants for life, not life for flesh but life for movement within - of the living God.

The secret place, dwelling in this place I abide under His shadow.  A place of His blessings that keep me from being lost.  Found, kept safe, walking and talking and living (dwelling) in the secret place (Your Love). 

Who Is God?

Who is God?

Every living being on earth has an answer but I want to travel across the bridge, across the safe landing, away from the mind that boasts it can answer anything.  I want to travel to unfamiliar places where words are feelings; words are emotions that design the answer with heart.  Words that move so quickly, at times they get away and the chase is on to catch this Wind.  A game begins to happen and colors speak and letters are silent.  As I would blurt all kinds of history to prove who I am, I want more for my answer to who God is.  History is my congregation, always there ready to applaud or boo as they expose my life.   But I yearn with desires of my heart, who is God.  Jesus came and He knew who God was, He was Father and Jesus was son.  I am so intrigued with Jesus the Christ, the way to Father.  The Voice that holds demands that I crave with fear; I am caught by its lure.  Clinging to the way it moves me, the pull to the eternity of its song.  How obtainable ‘more’ feels - right, not wrong.  Looking with a run that has a slow-motion pleasure to it.  Secrets so intimate that experience is the only voice it has.  Eternal hunger with pure pleasure its drink that satisfies.  God, eternal noise of Joy, eternal feast promised to my yearnings, eternal awakenings, eternal more to be had. 

-Who is God-

Broken into segments of preparations, God has my attention, my heart, my eyes.  For who He is, He is creator of the air I have not yet breathed, He is the creator of the feelings not yet experienced, He is and always will be tomorrow and all that is needed with abundance in the making while His love stirs my todays with His Wind to play.  He is the lead that wars my battles to victory in a higher calling than the finale I would settle for.  He is ultimate beauty and crowns me with light that wears me as His decor.  His Name entitles the royalty of all existence and with this honor He points to me and says, “I want her to love.”  I am clueless which delights the Teacher to have a vessel to fill.  God is a place, put in simple form, like my family who was designed by generation of Ford’s and Burger’s.  God is and who He is, is within me to expand and multiply His love and work for my pleasure in Him.  My place is His place, His place is my place.

Who is God?   

He is secrets  so intimate, 

experience is the only voice it has...!

Peace - A Beautiful Fall

In comes His Peace, 

and everything 

within feels like a beautiful fall. 

It’s as if my body 

found a trust 

that has me lifted 

above the shaky ground 

I was standing.  

I stop to breathe it in 

and allow it 

to wave about 

my heart and soul.  

I continue to fall 

as sweetness 

feeds my mind 

and I wonder why 

and how 

did I get so tight.  

Unwinding the tangles 

I made, 

I just give in 

to this trust.  

Love, 

His love, 

whispers as it swells 

to be a cloud 

of friendship about me.  

Telling me 

I am loved, 

telling me I have purpose 

and encouraging me to rest 

in my fall.  

My face drains 

its stiff hold 

and my eyes 

find a pleasure in closing.  

A smile rises 

just enough 

that it changes my countenance 

but not enough 

to give notice 

from those around, 

for this smile 

is from the inside 

coming out.  

It's the heart 

that has begun to smile 

as the fall 

pumps lightness 

to the steps.  

Fear dissolves 

as I feel it 

breaking from me 

piece by piece.  

What was limiting me 

is beginning to merge 

into the substance 

lies are made of, 

nothingness.  

I am left with a dance 

trust choreographs.   

Happy tears escape 

as a sign 

worry is leaving 

for it has no place here.  

Peace, 

the wonders of His love 

painting the life given 

to those 

falling into His Arms.

Spirit With Light That Blinds My Day

Like a wave, 

here comes Spirit 

with light that blinds my day 

to a place that has rich 

as its walls 

and honey as its taste.  

For the cares of life fall to my side; 

and I seem to never find them again.  

For where Your heart is fixed, 

like anointed oil - 

these times drip heaven’s floor.  

Riding the waves of glory 

has the anticipation 

of the best ride each time.  

Knowing that deeper into the ocean of pardon 

has gotten me to its hold 

and I never want to come to shore.  

To grab this connection that I am Yours, 

seems to be easier and easier to hear.  

But

 to hear You are mine, 

I need more and more of this current 

to take me out further and further 

to be sold this entrance of Holy.  

Spirit calls 

and I find jumping in 

is like walking in the rain of summer, 

coming from so far up 

that the eye cannot understand how it falls 

with such softness 

to give life in potions of tiny drops.  

Oh how the beat of such waves 

cries together forever, 

together forever, together forever.  

My soul runs like it has no knowledge 

of leaving anything behind… 

only eyes for ahead.  

Can you hear, 

oh can you hear my love 

taking me to the picnic of the most fantastic spread.  

In the sky, not the land, 

I soar.  

Holding peace around me 

as it shows me feast after feast to choose from.  

And there my soul plays 

for this moment, 

there is nothing of matter, 

only love speaking.   

Heart That Has The Power To Explode The Heavens

Oh with watchful heart I cry, oh Lord, for Your love has burst through and caused floods to overcome the mountains that were so dry.  Oh the glory of such majestic swirling within my soul to be a substance that moves me from where I am to a realm I can only know by its life that changes me.  

In this temple where the pleasure of a love develop and make their extravagant deeds come to surface without a sound from the might of the mouth.  The heart has the power to explode the heavens with such abundant sounds, the clouds move and the ladder of my heart reaches to the wonders of Holy.  

Oh how, oh where does this take the voice I hear and how does it stay?  How can I match any other moment to this moment?  Where touch upon touch is built so the eyes of my thoughts make a pounding that breaks the gaze of heaven and I see a new thing.  

Moves make a different purpose than before.  Sounds highlight and I gather them to create my love and establish my song.  What was of little or no importance now becomes the next view, the next explanation of my life surrendered to a Way that is perfect.  

Stuck on motion that appears to say one thing but its radiance forms its beginning and travels eternal.  And then it stops.  I breathe and focus changes, but my heart has enlarged and changed to many elements of One’s love.  

Jesus Blushes With Me Over Poppa's Love

Hearing a voice sound in the afar off … hearing a thought from a distance…catching my attention and all things drop as I run to its sweetness. More beautiful than I can take completely in, for beauty I've seen, but each glimpse appears to me like new.  And none like its sound piercing straight to the refreshing of a mind. 

There it is, caught up in a wind and floating as the breeze carry’s it place to place.  Landing is the furthest from its dream for the weightlessness works wonders to the resting of body and spirit.  I join its drift as I lift my soul to fly with the sights and enthusiasm of love’s call.  Looking not backwards, but just as I am, rising to sojourn with my Lord, His Name, Jesus, who blushes with me over Poppa’s love and generous heart to extravagant gifts.  “Jesus”, I say, and I giggle like I am being tickled with a blowing kiss of sensational affection. 

Taking me to a faster heartbeat, the wind rocks me to its fascinating strikes.  I laugh with delight as it covers me with His observation.  Giving up my time, my own hungers, my wondering, seems as if it were my choice; and yet His love was so charming, my mind only switched to see His face , hear His sound, and I was overcome with gracious beauty.  Now I wonder but in a new kingdom, with same need for time and hungers but the choices for my appetite streams from heaven’s rain.   Difference in kingdoms is that one kingdom is for what it offers now and then dissolves, but His kingdom offers the astonishment of now - to live eternal.  I have tasted the love of my Lord and I set into the eternal.

Hear the sound, oh I hear the sound and it draws me to never return to the kingdom of now.  How painful are the pleasures that fade.  How precious the kingdom of eternal.

Gathering from His Sound that drips love with every step.  Like a sound released to never find end is love exchanged in the kingdom of eternal.  Like a wanderer in search of east from west, never finding the wall.  His Sound, His love breaks the enemy my soul entertains that I am not enough, I am not of worth.  It melts the steel wall built to withstand shame and kisses away guilt.  His Name Jesus explodes freedom to never stop until eternal reigns to shout Poppa’s love above all things.  Swelling upon, within, around the vessels of his creation; accomplishing His perfect will done with zealous pleasure.  “Jesus”, the Name sings known and unknown knowledge to man.  “Jesus”, the Name moves known and unknown joys to wreck the enemy that was sent to put down the glory of such sound.