Prayer Room Door Of My Mom

“Oh God”, (sniff, sniff) “save Charlotte.”  “God, save her soul”, my mother would cry and plead behind doors I was forbidden to pass unless there was an emergency. 

With this memory, I can hear her voice so clear I could almost tell you every pitch of her groans, every rise and drop of its sound; every tone of agony it seemed to give her.  Even as this mystery is recalled and the eyes of my past speak, I can hear her voice break and crack like I’m listening for the first time again. 

 For it seems only moments ago I was there; I travel so easily to these events sealed safe as tightly saved treasures, so rare there is no price tag to its power that lives today.  Only moments ago, between being a child running free, to an adult with great grandchildren myself, I passed by this prayer room door on my way to my own playground of pleasures and this sound broke though my world like an explosion of fear difficult to explain. 

The weeping of a heart has a sound like no other, piercing the hardest of souls. My emotions would take all control and my curiosity was my new leader as my name, “Charlotte” was spoken. 

Sometimes in an attempt to hear my mom clearer, I would desperately work at pressing my ear hard against the small keyhole below the door knob as I circled and searched to place the center of my ear at the best possible location for sound from the forbidden room. 

Or, if it became obvious I was not going to hear, I would peer through the key hole so that I might catch a glimpse of how one appears while in such agony. 

 If these attempts still left me unable to fulfill my curiosity, I might lie on the floor trying to maneuver my sight under the door sill for this possible visual. 

But whatever mission I had previously been on, it was just no longer of any meaning to explore until I had exhausted all tries to hear and make more sense of mom’s cry.  

I just couldn’t pull away from why all the torture I seemed to be putting her in.  

What love spoken through the cry of a mother...!

If I recall my mother's prayers with such vividness, and I do... how much more has the heavenly Father heard and remembered our prayer cries for those we love.

Amazing..! 

My Name

What could be one of

THE.  MOST.  AWESOME.  THINGS.

you can think of? 

Think about this with me.

Last weekend I realized something that has given me a new appreciation of worship I could offer to Father, Son and Spirit. 
Something of myself that would honor this Trinity with what I find so treasured. 
Here is how it happened.

I was called ‘Nana’..!

Pretty simple huh…!

But here is the depth of something so awesome. 

Each grandchild that called me this common name, used all over the world, never had a single thought that possibly I was not Nana; Nana was my name and position and I was treasured.  They spoke it with confidence and almost with no thought processing going on at all, ‘Nana…!’ 

Ahhhh, here is the reality...this name sounds much more like a song to me
than just a title. 

It catches my attention and all my affections are redirected - from what I was doing to their heart. It didn’t matter what the next few words were going to be, I was totally captured by their desire to speak to me.

I was also called,

mom by my sons,

'mom' she says...a special jewel my daughter in law,

and even a precious ex-daughter in law - ;i love you momma'. 

Oh my… my title, who I am, spoken without processing. 

I was so overwhelmed with JOY

this ‘song’

they put behind their voice,

to catch me eye to eye.

THEN

My mom calls me 'baby'

I was kissed by both my mom and dad.  Hugged by sisters and brothers who spoke from the heart, ‘I love you sissy!’ 

 All the titles of who I am to them - without doubt I am. 

My names…
yes,love that melts division,
directed to me with complete confidence of place.
Spoken to catch attention of a busy mind
to ‘theirs’. 

 

---

So I have a new passion, a new worship I offer Father, my Heavenly Father. I speak His Name in reference of conversation to Him, under His Amazing Name, He who is in my life without doubt, without processing. 
With love I give my voice this same song to Him,
His Name so Sweet I call.

Exactly who He is! 

How He hears my voice

as Song

when I simply say His Name I love. 

Gift To Me From God No $$ Can Buy

A Gift To Me From God No $$ Can Buy

Delivered Through My Sister, Roberta

My heart is singing today for you!  I am seeing someone who is mighty in the land and yet doesn't know it yet!  Oh how I love you, Sister!!  Yes, I am crying WITH you.  My heart is breaking WITH you.  I feel like the burden you carry is partly on my shoulders.  I'm not complaining though, because it is God's love that pours in me, to pour out of me. 

My Sister's Prayer

Father, Our God who carries us through these times; Your mighty works You do are being manifested in us on a continual basis.  Those who know us and hear us cannot possibly NOT understand that it is You who lives and breathes through US!  Oh how marvelous are Your ways!!  We are humbled before You today, as we see Your handiwork among us.  Today is the day You work.  Today is the day of rejoicing.  Just because You are the Master of today!  Strength, courage, vigor, force...they are in our hand, in our footsteps, in our hearts.  Doom, gloom, despair and agony are me are the words to a song that I WILL NOT SING!!!!  For WHO holds me, none other than the Author of the stars!!!  Every single star is singing praise to You because THEY know what I don't... just who holds THEIR tomorrow!!  THEY know that if their last shine was tonight, and they fall to their place of destiny tonight, that they will be richly rewarded for their obedience to The Almighty!  Even the stars are rewarded!!! Yes Lord, You have not left one rock, one blade of grass unrewarded for their obedience to You!  Yet YOU created US in YOUR image, so that WE could sing out the songs of praise to You alone!!  So we could REFLECT an image of YOU!!!  How can we who are constantly struggling reflect One who NEVER struggles???  Yet we do just that, because in it all, the more we fall, the Higher Your Majesty appears!  Like all who fall on their faces so the Queen will be the only one standing!  Oh yes, today is Your day.  Yesterday was Your day.  Tomorrow is Your day.  And how we rejoice to know that they are not ours!!!!  We would struggle in them on our own.  But in You we rejoice in them!!!  What do YOU, the One in whom EVERYTHING points to, have for us individually JUST today???  Oh my, we can only assume to know!!!!!!!!!!!  I am anticipating the newness I will see.  I am excited to be near You.  I am saying, let me be ANYWHERE, but let it be WITH YOU!!!  Oh I count my days as one more reason to rejoice!  One more reason.  I have so many!  But You alone, ONLY YOU, are MY reason to sing!!!!  I don't sing for the relationships of this world.  They are pleasures, but in You, they pale so shallow!!  The fog between You and them is thick because You are so vivid, You are so ... faultless.  Let today be ORDERED by You.  I am Yours... order my day and DEMAND that nothing gets in the way of it's perfection!!!  Let it be as a plate of perfect pancakes from the most perfect place!  Send it back if it is not perfect as YOU expect!!  For my day is Yours.  I've given today to You, because You own it.  As I sit or stand, or kneel or walk, or run or leap or fall..... take my hand in Yours and let us dance it TOGETHER.  Seek my heart for hidden treasures today, that YOU TOO will be rejoicing in ME!!  Let me give back some of what You give to me!  Oh how I hope to please You!  My love overflows towards You!  I don't want to move from Your presence.  But today is Yours, so I move as You will it.  One foot before the other, I move, as though moving TOWARDS You!  If I see my day as moving TOWARDS You, then I will not dread my day.  I will not refuse to walk.  I will not go with my head down or my heart anything but full of the Love that You placed there for You.  Father, take my sister's hand today and as she is reminded of where she is, all the dreams and hopes that have been crushed and powdered and are only bits and fragments of what might have been had her plan worked, open up her eyes to see that NOW You, The Master architect, can perform the greatest masterpiece that You set out to make in HER!  Oh God, You are not busy giving MAN favor so that MAN can run around being praised!  You are busy giving MAN favor so that MAN will SEE YOU in the handiwork of Your fingers!  Wow, I see that clay being formed and each of us has so much to give back!  Look at the Potter's work!  Look at the Architect's work!!!  Isn't it amazing?  Isn't it awesome?  Isn't it beyond imagination??!!  Oh how much bigger it is than what our barely open eyes see!!!  Rub our eyes to enlarge them today so that as this day goes forth, we see something brand new we've never seen before... a new part of You.  Knowing in part is scary, Father.  It's a really scary place to be.  GROW us UP.  Let all our armor be in place and ready for THIS battle!  And Father, as a sister, I ask this favor of You because I know You have been very busy doing favors for me... Will You love my sister today like I can't?  Will You take ALL that You have given me to give to her, and ADD to THAT and give her what I can't?  I know that You will.  I have no doubt that You will.  I've seen You do this for me before, without my even asking!  But today, as You are especially fond of THIS one, let Your work be mighty in her and Your love be even more REVEALED.  I realize You can't love her any more than You already do.  You love her enough to die.  I don't.  But You do.  Change ME to love her that much too!!!  Remove my blinders of self-love and replace it with sacrificial love as You know so well how to do.  I know, I know, I realize that  Lord, it means I will suffer as You have suffered.  So be it.  If it will change me to see YOU better, then I am willing, even waiting!!!!  For THIS earth, as beautiful and great as it is, has such a paleness to it when I consider You.  It's colors have a film over them.  Yours are so vivid and real!  I want to pray for my sister, but I keep coming back to praising You instead!  This is how the colors of this world pale in comparison to You.  Let our day today reflect ALL it is meant to be.  And then let us be satisfied that it was.     In Jesus Holy and Precious name, Thy Son, My Brother.  Amen.

 

I am loved beyond my imagination...!

I Live In His Eye

Father, my Poppa,

I must smile,

Sweet Jesus and Teacher Spirit.

I smile with the Knowing

I am unbelievably within a Force

that must be fighting my battles. 

For I have no strength,

yet Peace keeps Crying

I am Safe.

I stand upon Your Mountain

and my smile seems to consume

my whole being,

but only because I met You this morning. 

I’m out of that boat,

the waves are extremely high and crazy,

the wind is blowing in circles,

but I’m living

Oh, I'm Living .... in Your Eyes…!

I’m living in Your Focus, YOUR EYE.  

Living in the Center

of the Eye of God

and so calm I can only marvel.  

Listening to Heaven’s Sounds and Songs,

not my own confusing wingding’s

that make nothing readable

without His Code for Interpretation,

His Mighty Spirit. 

And here…

here in Your Mountain,

I find a Map,

Directions that give Steps. 

Steps that Shelter

and Harness the heart

as the greatest Treasure within the Eye. 

No wonder we all want

to live in the Mountain of our God.  

I know the storm is about me,

I know the wind screams

‘be afraid’;

but Safe,

oh how Sweet Safe feels

to the soul surrendered to only Walk,

not run,

on the Water during the storms. 

Trusting,

oh Trusting with Faith

that has built to become Knowledge

Known. 

I’ve heard the stories

of the ‘eye of the storm’. 

Documentations are had

of the wonders...

feel how it felt to be there. 

And here I am…

for eternity…

Documented in the Book of Life

to Live in the Eye of God. 

What an enormous

supernatural Carriage

this is. 

The Float of my soul

that mystifies and confuses

 and blocks the storms

so the walls of hell cannot trespass. 

This must surely be what Heaven is. 

It MUST BE… it must be. 

For there is no traps,

no lies,

no death,

no worries…

For who can trap God’s Eye,

who can lie to the Eye of God,

who can empower

and kill this Place - the Eye of God?

Who can cause God to worry?  

This is amazing..!

This must be what the Kingdom of Heaven is. 

It must be..!   

Father, my Poppa,

I must smile,

Sweet Jesus and Teacher Spirit.

I Live in Your Eye...!

Love Creates Pictures

Oh how can I stop Time

as This Song Carries in my hearing? 

How can I stop the sun

so that I live in this Explosion

that has ruptured the walls I build

that keep me from His Melodies? 

Sing, Holy One... Sing as I dance

with steps I take

to play in Love's Vastness.

I love, oh I love as Love Pours.

Love Creates Pictures

as the Fountain of Love

Sings to my soul.

Stepping from one moment to the next

with much too much traffic

between my heart's union to His.

I get lost in traffic’s distractions

and

 forget the Music still remains and Sings over me. 

A Picture begins to Form.

 I have seen the stars twinkle in the darkest of nights

and imagined the stretch of such distance and beauty

to only be the beginning

of His Portrait of Enormous Love. 

So much to chase and explore behind this small window! 

Stars that shine in darkness

but cease their twinkle when the light comes out,

remaining in wait, in place,

for their moment again to talk to my eyes as I walk in darkness. 

For in darkness I dare speak inner thoughts

I hide from Light,

seeking Loves Truth,

wondering and stumbling to find my heart again. 

In darkness, mysterious Twinkles

overwhelm my senses

as my eyes

stare at this mass of Love Displayed. 

Then I Watch the Morning Hour

as they Continue in their Position

while the sun fades the knowledge of their existence;

waiting their Plan to Shine

for me again

in my darkness of traffic.

  I am intrigued with His Love within my eyes,

His Heart within my own,

His Song that Sings. 

Does He Twinkle and Shine when the darkness rolls in over my soul? 

Does His Majestic Beauty

show the Billions of His Twinkling Light

 Filling my image while in my own darkness? 

Does He show such vastness one would wonder if there was an end?   

 I won't be afriad

Day or Night...

His Twinkle, His Pure Bright Light Shining...

the Son Rising,

Staying His Place in both moments;

Shining in my darkness as well as my day.

Deepest Of Love's Wait

Here in the Wonders of God’s Love

and with such Love Abounding,

the heart Floats with His Kindness…

yet feeling the pains of worldly jabs

and words that tear at the soul,

I still praise my Lord. 

Oh yes, my soul lifts His Name,

praise of His Goodness

to the One that Pulls me out of darkness

and causes me to rise above

all the cares that want to leave me in shame

and troubles I know not what to do. 

I am going into the deepest of Love’s Wait

as I focus on where He leads me

beside the Still Waters

where I am Calmed by the Songs that He Sings

around my heart,

to Wrap it in His Sweetness.

Here in the Hands of Might I lay my tears

as I shed each one with a huge pain speaking. 

Every tear

that escapes my eyes

have His Attention.

He Hears each one

 =DROP=

He READS it

 as a report of High Importance,

ready to put Action upon the Scene. 

My heart makes melodies of so many styles called emotions. 

Sometimes dancing with giggles

and sometimes dancing in tears of pain. 

But Sitting as the Highest,

He has Open Arms,

it doesn’t seem to matter how I come,

He Smiles with Welcome

as I walk up to His Face Looking at me. 

For I have come to One Bigger than my heart,

bigger than my fears. 

One that has the answers to the rolling thunders of the sky,

has my life written upon the Palm of His Hands. 

I agree with His Love

as I witness His Eyes view me as Precious

while I surrender to His Passion over me. 

He Inhabits my praise

as I melt to all His Love Given. 

Oh yes, I Praise Him who placed His Song within me. 

I am not bound or held

to be a certain tune

before saying His Name. 

I was purchased by Blood

that came from nails piercing

to prove this Message of Love. 

 I Sing His Name just as I am. 

I fall in love with Love who has Moved me. 

Tears or dancing,

I praise the God who Holds my heart with Kindness.

For

I am going into the deepest of Love’s Wait