Why and How

I am loved and love creates so many questions 

Why the tears when You walk in?  Why is it that emotions take up this surround sound and all I hear is compassion as hugs rush in to hold me up?  Where was I before I knew You were there?  Is love hiding behind my fear; or is love leading me because I was created to fall forward towards this magnificence?  Without understanding of why choosing is the drink of pure joy, I wander about in the capture of Your Kingdom, as its walls seem to be the Arms of the Father.  Is this love so great a tiny piece or is it the gigantic it feels like to me?  How could I ever measure what feels like the roots of the largest tree, the fire of a sun, the freedom of the richest child?  Which tear speaks to You most... the first or the finish of my sentence?  When did my eyes really open, when I came from my mother or during Your first visit to woo me toward You?  Is the swing of my moods a tickle to You as I squirm free of bondage?  Why does the song of one word drown an ocean of worry. Is being born again something I will ever understand or is it much like being born the first time, without memory or understanding of why?  You say You picked me, why?  As the angels rejoice and I wonder what they say and how they respond, are they pondering the life of me?  When You split the ocean of worry apart so I can walk through, why is it such an amazing picture?  

Mark 12:30 (AMP)

And you shall love the Lord your God out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul (your life) and out of and with all your mind (with your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength. This is the first and principal commandment.

Memory of Nothing

There is only One that can fill the void within, all else has been said not to be eternal - it will dissolve as if it never was.

When I think about this, the 10th day of my birth comes to mind.... no wait; it doesn't, for I have no recall of that day. Absolutely nothing, even into years of the beginning of my life.  I know it happened because I am still on earth but it is as if memory was not with me during that time.  I can only rely upon another who might carry memory of me, or possibly a picture taken where I could take a look without voices to recall the details I see.

What would it be like to lose a year like this later on in life?  Time came and went but memory was left to be treasured, or not treasured, by someone else. What if a relationship is continued and/or built upon this vacancy of voices/time?  This sort of void of memory is not so uncommon but... what if this block of time took with it your intellect, your job, your health and then gave back only a small portion.  You awake slowly to reality as you learn, to your surprise, you used to respond differently than you do now.  To tackle a day feels like you were trying to tackle a year.  My husband took a fall that crushed at least a year from his hands, right out of his hands.  I lost with him for I can show him a picture or tell him a story, but it falls back to that 10th day of my life.... only knowing it happened but empty of detail.

WAIT, what about things eternal?  What about the days we cried together.  What about those who came to serve us?  What about thousands of conversations that I had with him of what happened while I held his hand.  What about those who traveled to see us?  What about things I don't know to even pull back with memory? 

The difficulty of life demands decisions to be made throughout every day.  I gather, without realizing it, my past along with the imagination of my future, and off I go to make my choice.  Sometimes singing, sometimes crying, but I cannot escape the fact that whether memory is eternal or temporarily just for now, I cross the line into a decision. It is called time.

What can we gain from facts that stack up into 'here I am' but crumble with 'how did I get here'?  What if I open my eyes and know that at this very moment a decision can be made to look for eternal where this is no longer 'time', where Word said moth cannot destroy.  I believe One calls it treasures in heaven. 

Eternal is such a mystery but it is.  A promise we can hold on to whether we remember or not; and if we are alive on earth...we can build. 

God's got a memory and He is the treasure giver.  The beauty of now is, again...

we can build.

Uncontrolled Fit Of A Raged One

Tickled by the music in my soul, 

I giddily wander about 

in an expansion of unseen walls 

and yet the security 

love roars its safety. 

Waiting 

while movement 

and electricity of power 

bounces about with me. 

Roads of passion 

direct me 

to find the aches 

desire gives freely, 

as satisfaction pours in 

to take me deeper 

to its consuming dance.  

Opening not only my eyes 

but my heart 

to see with a new thought 

in constant exchange 

for dead-ness 

to life promised for eternal. 

Shaking me 

to appear on the outside 

as an uncontrolled 

fit of a raged one; 

but on the inside - 

the dance 

of Divine's perfect picture, 

surrender.  

Abiding in this Place, 

a Name sent 

as the Kingdom of Heaven 

for my gift, 

Jesus abounds in my heart. 

This Protection 

gives my life 

the uncommon fearless walk 

to know nothing 

can reach in 

and take away such love. 

Listening For The Sound

Listening for the Sound!

For this Sound opens 

more than my mind can keep closed 

by trying to explain. 

Glory has the power 

to embrace us as children 

and raise the windows 

to remove dust, 

and give the heart 

a fresh morning knowledge 

that the whole day is ahead. 

Singling out and taking over 

duties for priorities to surface. 

Oh Sound, 

walk loudly; 

move with power 

as I watch in awe. 

I know only to reach 

with all my senses 

and my heart of desire, 

come and Sound. 

Sound bends 

the steel bars I build, 

melts the armor 

I take on 

as false protection, 

closes the holes 

that the moth has eaten 

in my soul. 

Sound, 

break all barriers 

and shake illness 

from my thinking. 

Soar with the Wind of Passion 

that has only Love 

as its foundation, 

blow through me 

to make my hum 

a song of praise 

higher than ever before. 

Sound, 

my Redeemer, 

make entrance with thunder 

as I then know it is coming. 

Cause my life to know 

this Fire 

that can burn out the sun 

with just a whisper. 

Take a deep breath, 

oh Sound, 

and blow over me. 

Filling me with such praise, 

praise from pure Sound, 

praise that sees One’s Eyes 

that Sound only Love. 

Wait

My Poppa, my Father, my completeness to who I am… You are the Light that I want to focus on at all times.  At all times, when I’m under the rocks for some sort of hiding, or when I’m on that mountain that causes my face to shine; oh, to be awakened by Light and focus upon the brilliance of such power beyond my own ability.  

The call, the warmth, the invitation to just take in the knowledge of You are there…!  Breathing by stopping to recognize the atmosphere of my life in You.  Passion consuming me as if I am a spirit also…Spirit breathing through every portion of my thought then, “more than a body” but a temple of such wonders.  

Fire that has the burn of eternal, not a vapor of soon discarded nothing.  Hunger beyond feeding by earth’s substances. Wrapping me, rushing through me with Wind to abandon stress or issues unsolvable by my own attempt.  Entering into ‘no hurry’ with angelic activity stirring to be a part of His beauty on earth.  

I wait.  I wait.  I wait.  

For now there is no time, only Word and Life causing priorities to line up, filling me with His Holy as I just wait.  I will be different, I will be changed, I will be passion – His Passion as His Name, Jesus stirs and speaks in places of my heart that I hide from.  Places I am not yet ready to see but have a desire to someday.  

Allowing tears to flow as I do not understand what they are even for; just no fear, no condemnation.  I wait, I wait…. Oh to wait in this work beyond understanding.  

Eternal… I love eternal.  It is more than life…it is Jesus and joy like the first time over and over and over as each moment is just that… the First Time forever.  

Waiting.............................................

Broken Into My Life

Poppa, how I see You within my life. Can others see You so clearly in my life? Oh, I do hope so for I feel a real shine going on today. You have broken into my life with such great ideas or suggestions for me to explore, to walk out. Entrance along has been fabulous, and walking about takes my breath away to new levels of breathing. How much more? How can I take in such heavenly kingdom pleasure without exploding with gratitude. I am like a flower enjoying the rain. Knowing this moisture fills me to be Your beauty for all to behold.  Oh, what amazing color You design Your glory.  Filling the earth with Worth, Your Worth.  Causing creation to look up and declare, Jesus - You are....!  

Here, in Your Name, I give surrender to greatness.  To Holy...!  To hear beyond the ability of my minds understanding and look upon the Song that is sung when Jesus walks about. As He moves from doorways to the heart of those He died to give entrance to His Passion, now our Passion also, You Poppa God.  As I let loose of what tries to cause me distractions, and dare enter unknown to find the Hum of Heaven, I marvel at satisfaction. The stop of earth and the Life that changes my destiny, my day that was sliding by to a day that sees the color within it. Increasing love as I forsake the worries and spills of a days journey. For love has cast out all fear.  Knowing love in such extreme has the lift to take me above; reacting to love with confidence it is enough. 

The invitation is set.  Break into my life in constant arrays of diversion that I never fall into boredom. Taking me to love by the revival within that keeps this fire blaring. Removing me from any desire of another god (devoted interest). I am lost in Your love and passion...exactly where I want to stay.  Only moving about by Your Guidance.  

Reckless Changing Love

The faithfulness of One has my heart into change and I yearn for it to never stop.  Changing and being changed to the ready for change!  

Oh, with safety of peace abounding in me, I expand to record my story, changing even my looks as my countenance makes adjustments.  It’s like that body stretch that seems to cause every move from that point on give ease to its once stiff push to stay.  

Pardoning my mess, for I am in construction mode with constant change.  Not to dare disregard my now, for it is His Beauty in me and the tools for my tomorrows.  But I've crossed the line, the line where one goes too far and cannot come back; I have found joy in constant change. 

For I love with passion, graphed in from the depth of reconstruction and upgrade of His likeness, that I begin to love who I am with greater belief.  Not caring what words and thoughts make mention of me, only that I’m lost in this love that feels completely full and yet great expectations for future.  

My soul sings hums and notes that only my thoughts can form understanding; language from the mouth fail to share the race going on inside.  Letting go of endings, hanging on to more; I run with each change. For to look, to receive a moment in this aroma of embrace; its power cannot leave me the same.  See me run; see His Spirit dancing with me as I fearlessly know there is no edge to fall.  For there is no foot upon the ground, only air filling my space, with lift to take me to His Hidden Place, where His Love I am so aware of. 

For love makes one silly with unpredictable exchanges, shuffling everywhere, never alone.  Seldom looking another in the eye, my total gaze has been caught in the tangle of sold out devotion to only what is alive inside, my reckless love to One.  

The faithfulness of One has my heart into change and I yearn for it to never stop.