Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Amazing how these guys, the New Testament disciples (Matthew the Tax Collector in particular) gave up 'what' they did to follow this Stranger who they amazingly found intriguing, which totally captivated them with something of a smitten heart. It turned their life into chaos but complete satisfaction and search for no other. No longer did they follow their 'own' cause but became SOLD OUT to the Walk of Christ rather than, again, their own… even to death..Wow..! Oh how I can relate to their hunger to see and the curiosity of heart to keep looking on. I have found something that does not involve my vision but 'His'. It has given me a Song I have NEVER sang before. I don't know how to describe it... for when I try it changes its Melody and becomes a New Song once again. Oh how it Softens my weary heart. I am so captivated by its Sound and Appearance... I look at it with a heart that can Not turn away, but just wait…. wait for even a Crumb… even a Drip from His Substance takes me to another Dimension. I know what these men found... oh my God... I know what they found! Understanding of themselves seems so less-than needed for the only thing that matters is what will This Man say next. How is He doing this? Where did He get His voice? Please, Holy One... take me there. Take me to all You Say. I KNOW what happened to Matthew... I LOVE where Jesus said "Follow Me" and his invitation was irresistible … Jesus has made this same appearance and invitation to me and it has been irresistible. I can NOT understand it… for I am of no value… I am of no good. Yet, He daily appears to me and says 'Follow Me'. I don't understand. WHY??? WHY???? Oh GOD WHY??? What have I done to deserve this? Suddenly the Storehouse of Heaven has been dumped in my lap and I know not why. The Songs of His messengers sing with me as worship belongs only to Him and we fill the sky with the Colors of Praise. I have read a hundred times about His Love passing our understanding but I NEVER thought it would be like this. There is NOOOOO understanding… it is NOT coming..‼‼! I have thought of this scripture in the past as just a way to let me know it is more than enough… or more than I will need… but TRULY MORE than I could understand… ?? I guess I must of thought I had some sort of understanding of 'not' understanding… but it is absolutely out of the mind. And to accept that I will NEVER understand His Love only causes an explosion of gratitude for what else can I say? What do you do with non-understanding...? His Love is so magnetic that every breath I take I'm hoping it will be His Air. Who am I now??? I don't know… nor I suppose have I ever really known but WHO HE IS has captivated my thoughts until the search seems like I had an invitation… it said 'Follow Me' and I am there…under its Love. I followed and I know not what to do but continue to follow. The world may crumble but I have been smitten and His Love has Saturated me in the Sweet Aroma of His New Wine. I must trust that the steps to His Palace leads the multitude…. Like Matthew… I only know to bid others who are tax collectors and evil minded as myself to come and join this Walk. You will not understand but you will give up your life and be completely satisfied. I am MOST UNLIKELY to be His beloved but He Called me. I don't understand…?