Dancing with my heart, my words, my song, and my love, before my God…

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who
LOVE YOUR NAME may rejoice in you. Psalms 5:11

Thursday, January 5, 2012

It Is Odd To Not Feel Your Own Wants

I love it when it works for me to take special time in the morning to search my heart.  Lay it out before the Lord.  Often I am so unaware of what is going on in this busy mind of mine.  

I began to play on my keyboard and sing
(Singing my prayers seem easier… maybe it is because it’s accepted to repeat words in a song.) 

Such an interesting time with God.  Exposing my issues, good and bad, I could feel as my insides make changes, sort of like cleaned out, as I called out for His Life to Work in me, I admit I am unable to continue as is. 

And then another Miraculous happened.  I was so caught in His Presence.  

I will try to explain.  

It was if a FACE was in this apartment.  Strange to feel just the FACE of God but it was like no other time.  I stopped and felt the awe of such a Majestic Place surrounding me, Taking my words like they were true explanations of who God was. 

I sang in whispers, 'Holy'.  
I sang in cries, 'Holy'. 
I lifted my voice, 'Holy'.

'Holy' is not an adjective but a Noun with a State of Existence of God.  

It was as if when I exhaled, my air was in a Solid Form as Spirit Called an Assembly, and yet it was the Intimacy of just me and the Father.   

As 'Holy' was Placed before the Father, I could sense something happening within me.  

Then Spirit told me that each time God is Declared from our heart in this Knowledge, we become more like Him.  As we say who He is, who He is Grows within us.  I found myself, of course, wanting to Find that Explanation from the fascination of its Reality and speak it over and over and over.  But in doing so, I found it was not a word  that could be repeated as if it held some sort of power I could own, oh no; but was only breathed from something deep within and from a Knowledge that was somehow Given before spoken each time.  

God is Holy or Complete Holiness; no imperfections.  I felt it was not a time to pray as in or for anything or anyone.  I was Stunned within His Presence as my fingers made the melodies across the keyboard and my voice blended in with what my heart was saying.  I knew time was again at what I call 'eternity time' for the distractions of earth have no hold or can play no games on your mind.  I was caught in Spirit Time with the Father.  

As I write and relive this Miraculous, I recall how unattached I was to my life.  It was not that my life had no value, absolutely not, but that the Value of the Father was my total focus.  

It is 'odd' to not feel your own wants or wishes.  

I found that interesting.  I remember wondering if this was how the Trinity were... of constant thought to each of the other's Work while blending their own Work to the same end.  I don't know if I can explain or how well I'm doing at trying.  How can I reach with words to share this Existence of who He is and what my experience of intimacy with the Father was like? 

And then, it changed.  I knew I was to redirect my attention. 
I placed my children before His heart and wept as I touched their soul with Him.  

God was there.  So Real that I knew it was His Strength that would cause us to make it.  Confident and FULL as if I just delighted myself to the riches of my favorite flavors.  How could I ever be the same??  


I do not understand how later in the day I again could struggled with emotions of loss, emotions of failure, and emotions of distraught like I did....!  But with excitement and knowledge of who God is...Holy, without imperfections, I reminded myself.... in His Presence is Fullness of Joy and again found Victory.  

How puzzling it is that in the depth of worship, your own life is Strengthened. 

Oh God, Teach me to Live in Your Presence...!!!