Dancing with my heart, my words, my song, and my love, before my God…

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who
LOVE YOUR NAME may rejoice in you. Psalms 5:11

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I Fell Too

Working with a husband with PhD in psychology, who fell and suffered a TBI in January of this year, I realize more than ever that I too fell with him.  His vocabulary went from me not understanding his speech to me not being able to understand his speech.  Using words that made me race to the dictionary to words that not at all identified what he is trying to say.  We fell from a very high position of what we once enjoyed as ‘above normal’ love and acceptance to again what is written and documented of what is ‘normal’ love and acceptance after a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury).   His first instinct was to read the Word day and night, even before he could gather a sentence together and comprehend. He would read and re-read and re-read.  But still, so much confusion and misunderstandings between us as a couple!  Oh how hard the soul can fight to be in its constant state of okay-ness, just let me be as I am person!  I knew immediately that I was broken but with his obvious broken (several brain injuries, broken back, 6 ribs, & shoulder blade) my broken sure seemed on the low scale of his broken.  So on I marched to a new road never traveled.  I have been blessed with so many friends and family that have been supportive but when I lay down at night to rest, nothing mends the broken heart except the One who Created it.  It has been 9 months and a couple of weeks now and with what I hope was bottom, I’m climbing back upward which is causing me to see just how far I fell and what amazing Mercy God has showed us.  The funny thing about falling, it’s sort of like a second chance.  You know how you say… ‘Gosh, if I had it all to do over again I would …. differently.”  My list is LONG but one thing that stays solid, God was with me and is with me as tomorrow is still uncertain.  I would do many things differently and even now it seems I have that chance, but God has proven to me to be the SAME YESTERDAY, TODAY, and FOREVER.  I MUST give thanks on this Thankful Thursday for His Ever Staying Love that never failed, never changed, and never turned me away.  I will continue this new walk while I’m in this process of getting up with new determination that I WILL CHANGE, TBI or not, for the examples I saw of God’s Amazing Love has captured and excited me to do so.   I don’t take anything I am, was or will be for granite anymore…. It can change in a second.  What I do hold on to is the Staying Power of His Love.  I can question, I can plead, I can even bark of a ‘road’ I’m traveling but I can never not change as God is the ONLY One with this ability of Constance to stay the SAME YESTERDAY, TODAY, and FOREVER…!  Thank You for this Holy Character that watches over all my doings…!  Change me to be like You, Holy God, and show us who You are..!!!

1 Corinthians 2:3-5 (The Message)
I was unsure of how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate—I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it—and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But the Message came through anywayGod's Spirit and God's power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God's power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else.