A letter to those I hurt…!
I realize that I hold a lot of hurts in my heart because I am convinced that what brings them on is still very actively going on. So the Sweet Holy Spirit is working on me to gather Godly information instead, and practice leaning on His Truth and not my own. The last session at Loida’s brought that out very clear. I ‘feel’ and it has gotten me into working at ‘self’ gratifications rather than leaning on the Gift of Giving and Receiving. I have prayed this morning that God would give me strength to begin responding with a clear heart rather than from gathered painful events. My fear… wait, it doesn’t matter what my fear is… fear is not of the Lord, it is from the enemy. Actions show extreme difficulty but that does not mean I can attack with trash I have. I am very sorry and ask God’s forgiveness, as well as yours. I read NO WHERE in His Word that we can take these offenses when not seemingly solved and crucify another. That is leaning on my own understanding and revenge. I know I give a lot of grief but I think that the one it hurts the most is the one that takes the liberty of throwing the stone.
I may not be able to say a lot because I want to sort my thinking and words for better or more Life than death from them. I apologize for the delay in responding from this point on. I KNOW I cannot do this on my own, I KNOW that..! but I am going to seek God’s help and put as much to practice as I can. If I fall, which I know I will, I am putting this to writing so that I can again come back to it and recall my need to keep trying as His Life and Love Works in me.
What I think I need is in the extreme of worldly thinking and I can totally see why God’s Love has directed me to ‘Fix my eyes on Him’ for my eyes constantly roam to fleshly satisfactions. When I redirect my attention to His Kingdom, I find unspeakable Pleasures – and I do mean unspeakable. I’ve thought about the angels that sing Holy, Holy, Holy unto God 24/7 and how this one Word contains all the vocabulary needed to satisfy God as it Rings His Praise now and into eternity. I get distracted or full of the enemy’s lies but when I say “Holy” unto the triune God, I share a place of worship with a host of heavenly focus directed to one purpose, one meaning, one satisfaction that wins over all, His Love Connected to my heart. Taking all other loves and wonders subject to His Giving, where the Realm of His River of Life Flows to me. Suddenly all things have a different appearance, different reasons for their existence as I look not to the right or left, but straight to the Face of God and cry Holy. The Brightness of this Holiness strips the darkness of my world’s focus and I want nothing but to stay at His Place, not mine. Suddenly I have no desires other than His Face; suddenly He IS MY WORLD and I am satisfied.
So I am sorry that I have demanded rights I do not own. I release those demands and give my walk to His Plan for His Purpose to be had. I stop trying to get others to fulfill what the Father has reserved for only Him Self to fulfill. The Father has made Promises to me that I will focus on and I will pour out His Love without reserves for His Abundance is more than I could ever use up. The Father’s Love has focused on each of us and it is Supernaturally Huge…! We are His favorite as He would Love to use me as an instrument for such Love. I am surrendering to lean and learn His Love with all my heart.
“Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying, "God has lost track of me. He doesn't care what happens to me"? Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening? God doesn't come and go. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind.”
Isaiah 40: 31 (MSG)