What happens when there is a pressure that takes a bite of
your heart and seems to be a dead grip without the option of loosening? It’s as if it is a screaming monster that
refuses to calm. Taking every
opportunity to trigger and trip up each moment another breath is taken.
Learning to walk with these accusations can
be a journey with the sight of great light ahead, yet nothing but bumps and
holes to trip and struggle through to get there.
I wonder… when in this situation… am I at my best while in
the hole, tripping over the bump, or when I’ve arrived at the great light? Something seems to want to tell me it is more
when the struggle is there. What am I
doing? How am I responding? What is coming from my heart during these
impossible strikes?
Time happens as the journey gives unexpected! As I ponder these questions, I find those
piercing accusations against my heart, those screaming monsters, falling off as heaven seems to come to earth!
Why is that? While in the middle of an honest
debate, the pouring of my soul… His Love meets this dilemma as I empty myself of pity (built from wrong thinking) as He prepares my heart to be ready to
know Truth - of how the Living God feeds and cloths His universe within me. I find my soul refreshed and my hope stirring with energy to run the race for myself, while picking up others also. It's a blissful moment.
And then it’s gone… just like that? I’ve feasted in a river of pleasure, solid
peace that has only the Silence of extreme as its Sound. Giving like a fountain as I play in its
pour. Singing from somewhere within,
songs that are all about the ‘me’ I didn’t know. And then it’s gone.
Again, I fell, stumbled with distraction, and lost that
Voice that is Silent with extreme as its Sound.
I try blocking the distraction with earthly tools, exchanging a
distraction for a distraction. Now, lost
and running for a shelter, I knock on doors – any door – for I tasted something
I can no longer live without. Panic
rises as I anticipate being lost forever.
Hungry and longing to be united again, with ‘wait’ as my friend now, I
stop the chase.
I stop. The unexpected....again. Flowers seem to blossom around me as I wait with want of
love I tasted and fiercely crave.
I stay
in confused observant eyes as I sense a new picture story about me. A
completely new and deeper taste of this same love, I am still.
How could this
be? I had perfect love. How does perfect
get more perfect? How can love grow
richer in taste for my soul? And yet, slowly,
springtime gives more and I am becoming soaked in delight as I was never alone,
but growing.
He delights in the growth of love's pouring, and creating a likeness of its glory in us. As it covers the earth, the Universe of His Love in us spills in abundance.
