Dancing with my heart, my words, my song, and my love, before my God…

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who
LOVE YOUR NAME may rejoice in you. Psalms 5:11

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Ocean Of Hate

Psalm 18:16-19; 2 Samuel 22: 17-20
But me he caught – reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide – open field; I stood there saved – surprised to be loved.

Sometimes I feel so alone in my pain and then I read something like this scripture and find that my God, The God, has duplicated His Love in so many lives.  Revealing His passion over and over in like manner to those He created.  

Saul, a chosen king, love/hates David with extremes; an Old Testament story of such fascinating past.  Like a son, King Saul gives David rule of his kingdom at one point; and then attempting to kill him the next, as trouble seeps in.  Back and forth with love/hate bleeding as history is made.  We read and forget it is recorded for our own enlightenment. To see both sides of the story is power as we go deep in the things of God's Love.

Dare I say, my life included, suffer from an ocean of hate dished out or drowning from such hate, forcing actions of pain?

Hidden with all we've got, we wish not to open these moments, moments surrounded by an ‘ocean of hate,’ so we pretend we ‘did/do fine’ or even go to that it ‘didn’t happen’ denial place of safety.  But that ‘ocean of hate’ has potential to come back to consume us, for the enemy’s carefully designed scam is to stunt any breakdown of his planned divisions. 

So what is the solution?  

First "I" have to admit I’m drowning (it matters not if giving it or receiving it) and then the most fascinating experiences begin.  Difficult to understand because there is no real formula of words or action, but strictly an offering of heart!  

The heart is so confusing for it has many avenues to attempt its own survival but NOT the answer.  

Often I must sleep on it or allow quiet time to ponder what the heck just happened.  

Then I listen 
and watch 
as this may take form 
in many behaviors.  

Recently a dream came, so I saught deep into it after painfully going through the emotions of admitting this drowning.  What was its underline theme?  

I dreamed a yellow caution line was drawn to show me a divisional territory.  I saw a smaller territory that was a playground of no worries; but then as a yellow dotted line was drawn to show a much larger territory, a caution was sounded as I woke wondering why?  

So I ask the Counselor.  The Holy Spirit that resides within to train, equip and guide me to my Father.  I have no clue but fearless to ask, for never have I found any question treated as silly.

My question..., “Huh? What did that mean?”  

As I searched and began to read His Word, this scripture kept showing up.  My first understanding - not within my own knowledge - was I might be in an ‘ocean of hate’.  I check my heart.... "oh God.. do I hold a ocean of hate against someone? I just thought I was painfully hurting or depressed."  Connecting the dream with this scripture,I could hear His sweet voice as I opened my heart …. Surprised to be loved!  Oh how I fall to this guilt.  I think that is why so often I write of such... it is of such surprise.  For I know me all too well.

I asked another question..."What is loved?"  

Usually it isn’t what I think it’s going to be.  Like a child filled with themselves, I think it means everything goes my way verses another’s.  This is so unsatisfying.  So I squirm as all my defenses go up to fight.  But the fight changes as I listen with new intentions for I feel so uneasy about the 'drowning' word.  

I am asked..."What truth and what deception wants to be added to my struggle?"  

When defeat is found and I surrender to His disciplined amazing Love, the enemy’s most general reply is the “oh, aren’t you so holy”, trying to apply His (God’s) Holiness upon me - as if I'm trying to be Holy or be God Him self.  This is when I must stay connected to the Source but not take the Source as my doing.  I simply become a vessel of His Communion, as hell breaks out to storm the gates of heavens riches within me.   Knowing the humility that even Jesus took, I must work desperately to only hear/say what the Father says.  

With successes and failures, I stay close to His Heart, as I fear the Lord with such respect who has lavished His non-countable bounty upon me.  

When opinion or thoughts take shape and I find it escaping, I want it to be known it is but my opinion, for I am a terrible judge.  A statement merely to take to the Father for reprove and/or correction; exposure of truth or false within its borders.   

I must remain 'in' Love, (not my own - for my love proves over and over to not have the substance His Love proves).  But in His Love - it flows to both me and to whom I may be hurting over.  How else can I hear Truth speak unless I am nestled deep in His pouring of Communion?   

Far too difficult is the exposure of darkness without Love’s never failing holding.  

So my heart takes in its broken state and its need, as I experience unconditional acceptance as His; separating Truth that Love exposes from the enemy’s accusations with full intentions of destruction.   

As the Hero of all, swoops me out of lies that dissolve like smoke in the air, He stands me up on a wide-open field and there I am, loved in spite of my surprise.  Accepted as His own no matter what the outcome.  Love, His Love is my guide.

Now weapons of warring prayer goes to the heavens as I declare His Love will abound and deliver us from evil.  No weapon formed against us will prevail.  The Mighty One has conquered death, hell, and was resurrected to sit with the Father to ever make intercession for us.  

Holding me, pulling me out of oceans of hate as His Pleasure and great Joy is made with Songs, I surrender to His Love so kind.  Dances are choreographed in heaven with sounds of honor to He who Delivers when and each time I am captured in Loves Domain to pull my self and others to His Wonders.   

For the ultimate cause of Love was manifested to one drowning...me.  

How amazing is His Abundance to me.  Weak and broken, He comes with the Sword of His Spirit and kills the enemy who wants my soul.  Over and over and over defeat is His Victory within me.  

Some day I will face the Almighty and before Him I will throw my crown Jesus bought for me, and know that I come to His Throne only because His Love was upon me.  

I believe ultimately … Jesus came and did two things that guide me to the Father. 

One…He revealed the un-comprehensible and unmerited Love the Father has.  

Two…He exposed the enemy in the heavens and on earth.  This He did for me so that I can live in His Riches according to His Work working the same Beautiful Works within me.   

If you have ever asked to see the Lord’s Beauty, look at your life and experience the surprise of being loved.

Failure Causes Me To Go Deeper

love seems to explode in my world.  

Caught by a song
or floating notion,
in a snap,
what had been traveling through,
capturing my attention
to be of utmost importance,

love has now decorated itself
boldly so all has new color. 

Shaken for motivations of all kinds,
I begin the pondering
of what love might speak;
for although known to be mine,
each occasion
is fresh like a needed meal
for hunger’s call. 

Holding on with utmost approach,
I stretch the moment
by repeating over and over
loves impression
with this entrance cry
– “Shine, oh shine on me,
love that walks in impromptu. 

Spread Your sentiment about
so the fragrance of Your delicate aroma
raises notice
some One has arrived! 

Leap, my heart,
as I embrace the Hug
I know is coming my way.”

Joy covered in tears accompany
for I am so loved
not a thought enters
of my own appearance;
how unlovely I might be at the moment. 

Entered so many, many times before
assures me this entrance is to love,
just as I am. 

No worries;
no obligations;
and yet I struggle to trap love to stay. 

For the Song that entered
brings with each encounter
new clothes to cloth me,
new eyes to see differently;
enriching me with strength
to replace such weaknesses. 

If only, oh, if only
I could share back
such tremendous affection! 

Failure causes me to go deeper
into the wonder
of such love given me. 

Delight surrounds me
with capacity as I hunger
of this mighty love.

I seek to splurge
with emotions
as feverishly I gather
to fill my belly with His zeal
so lavishly poured upon me.  

I ask with plea’s….
“What can I do to love You back?
I am so empty and frail.” 

His Voice sounds as thunder
about to bring the soaking
of pure drenching soft rain…

”Let me come in and live with you.”