What happens when there is a pressure that takes a bite of your heart and seems to be a dead grip without the option of loosening? It’s as if it is a screaming monster that refuses to calm. Taking every opportunity to trigger and trip up each moment another breath is taken.
Learning to walk with these accusations can be a journey with the sight of great light ahead, yet nothing but bumps and holes to trip and struggle through to get there.
I wonder… when in this situation… am I at my best while in the hole, tripping over the bump, or when I’ve arrived at the great light? Something seems to want to tell me it is more when the struggle is there. What am I doing? How am I responding? What is coming from my heart during these impossible strikes?
Time happens as the journey gives unexpected! As I ponder these questions, I find those piercing accusations against my heart, those screaming monsters, falling off as heaven seems to come to earth!
Why is that? While in the middle of an honest debate, the pouring of my soul… His Love meets this dilemma as I empty myself of pity (built from wrong thinking) as He prepares my heart to be ready to know Truth - of how the Living God feeds and cloths His universe within me. I find my soul refreshed and my hope stirring with energy to run the race for myself, while picking up others also. It's a blissful moment.
And then it’s gone… just like that? I’ve feasted in a river of pleasure, solid peace that has only the Silence of extreme as its Sound. Giving like a fountain as I play in its pour. Singing from somewhere within, songs that are all about the ‘me’ I didn’t know. And then it’s gone.
Again, I fell, stumbled with distraction, and lost that Voice that is Silent with extreme as its Sound.
I try blocking the distraction with earthly tools, exchanging a distraction for a distraction. Now, lost and running for a shelter, I knock on doors – any door – for I tasted something I can no longer live without. Panic rises as I anticipate being lost forever. Hungry and longing to be united again, with ‘wait’ as my friend now, I stop the chase.
I stop. The unexpected....again. Flowers seem to blossom around me as I wait with want of love I tasted and fiercely crave.
I stay in confused observant eyes as I sense a new picture story about me. A completely new and deeper taste of this same love, I am still.
How could this be? I had perfect love. How does perfect get more perfect? How can love grow richer in taste for my soul? And yet, slowly, springtime gives more and I am becoming soaked in delight as I was never alone, but growing.
He delights in the growth of love's pouring, and creating a likeness of its glory in us. As it covers the earth, the Universe of His Love in us spills in abundance.