Dancing with my heart, my words, my song, and my love, before my God…

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who
LOVE YOUR NAME may rejoice in you. Psalms 5:11

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Words Can Hurt

November 2011
Wonder if Paul ever thought…”God, do I really have to be in Prison?  Can’t I do Your work on the streets or from my home with travel?”  Distraught at times, I bet Paul spoke something of this sort in those intimate times of prayer while imprisoned.  Yet to his astonishment as the days rolled by…what Glory God was rendering as many curiously listened to each word from his heart. 

Prison is sure much broader than bars in a dungeon castle or even warm cells with three meals a day.  I see prison as a locked place where words or thoughts, not conditions, have trapped a person when no escape seems possible. Not a place created but a place another creates against you.  Prison bars made of heart breaking statements.

As a child I remember saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  Such childish thinking attempting a barrier to ward off intrusions.  As an adult, ouch, words have power!  Words are much sharper than sticks and stones.  They cut into places you can’t see and up comes the bars built as they do their dirty work.  Fluff is accusations against your charactersuch as “you are an idiot” but words of position one stands against you is of far more piercing.  “I don’t want you ...., I will .....”  “I am ....”  “I would rather ...”  Words repeated over and over…so many times you find yourself rearranging your own statement to merit somehow they will change to something of the opposite.  Fighting to hear confirming words that do not continue to say I want to divide myself from you.  Words building bars of imprisonment to divide hearts.

Easy to handle if not attached.  Calmly walk the opposite if the heart was not sealed.  But what if love is involved and passion extreme!  What if… what if there didn’t seem to be any answer but submission to yield all to love’s measure. 

Jesus was taken all the way to death by a multitude that was finished with Him because of God’s Complete Love Story of Freedom.  Paul followed Jesus’ Example. Paul’s body was literally in prison, rejected because he would not perform laws of man; but with a flamed untamable heart full of Love Shown by Jesus, Paul set his speech as high witness of Freedom in spite of those “finished with him”. 

Paul leaned upon Jesus who Knew what it was like to be ‘finished with’ and continued to trust.

Matthew 27:35 (MSG)
After they had finished nailing him to the cross and were waiting for him to die…..

Father, my heart reaches to Your Sounds.  I reach to hear Sounds that will Heal brokenness of a song of irregular beats, a heart that can’t understand.  Thrown into courts screaming its claim night and day, in place with society, but its owner saying it is just a passing, not of value.  You stay there, I’ll stay here.  Is it really just a shadow and if so, a shadow of what? Your Perfect Beauty Sounds a Single Note that will Carry all worries into nonexistence.  Play my thoughts around Your Hearing as a train of love from my heart, for I am yearning that my noises form my song to Delight Your Ears.  Staying Here where fear is driven from its process to consume.  Hear my silent but earnest search that swiftly seeks all places for Your Sounds of Comfort.  Waiting in this moment with no other need but to find Life that is more than the struggles of rejection.  Steady my gaze, fix my eyes oh Mighty Wind.  Blow Around my heart with Your Stir as it Develops a dance from my soul.  Forgetting the enemy’s rejection placed against me by one that declares he is finished.  Mold me into Love, Your Love that Sings above these.  Often I have rejected You and You continued to be Fixed upon winning my soul.  Staying, always Staying when I struggled with Your Words.  I will stay, my Lord, I will stay and hold strong by not counting man’s rejection as reason to be of no worth.  I will lay down my life and love those that reject me with that which is Bigger than my pain.  Inside is the Song that has Resurrection Power, Your Love.  Simple Love that Follows Your Path as the Perfect Love.  Wisdom and Strength the Guiding star for depth and width of this Violent Trail Unknown.  Demonstrate Your Love as I declare war against rejection.

Jesus was taken all the way to death by a multitude that was “finished with Him” because of God’s Complete Love Story for Freedom.  Paul followed this Love Story of Freedom and was literally in prison, rejected because he would not perform laws of man.  But with a flamed untamable heart full of Love Shown by Jesus, Paul set his speech as high witness of Freedom in spite of those “finished with him”.

Ahhh, There is Your Sound.  I see the Dance as Jesus Prays.  

Frightened To Be Who God Created

I weep.  Oh God… I weep.  OH GOD…. you are so long suffering.   I am of ahhhh of what God is doing as His Love begins its Spread throughout the body. This morning I have been numb… I don’t know how else to describe it.  Numb somewhat from so many changes in my life.  How do I let what happen – facing myself… happen to those around me that I love so much.  It is like I was going west and God turned me east.  How do I expose this to my family, how do I share this with the hearts that are before my eyes.  I was so blind.  I was so unlearned.  

We must worship… just worship One and Sing of the hearts dance to a King.  I know this is the Foundation that will take us to this Place I can’t explain, for we are a bride being swept up to a marriage and we have been blinded to what this Party is all about.  For HE has took His Love and has PURPOSED to win me at all cost.   Not me making all the right decisions and coming to a place where I can feel some sort of accomplishments BUT HE HAS PURPOSED I will NOT BE LOST.  I am a part of His Eyes…. ‘I’ am a part of His soul…. ‘I’ am a part of His Heart and He Vows to win me by His Compassion Extreme, end of story.  His Thoughts have been Targeted to me, Charlotte, His Reward for a death of Purpose.  My plan and purpose is so selfish and self satisfying to a dead work.  

We are busy… oh so busy about other distractions… running to this and that to accomplish the heart of God and all we are doing is satisfying something within our selves that says we must or we will not be at the wedding.  Not realizing that He has ALL THE PREPARATIONS made and we are to COME…. Just COME, ONLY COME as INVITED.  I was not there physically when my Savior died on that cross.  I was not there physically when God Created a Plan that had me in mind…. BUT it is HIS PLAN… HIS PURPOSE to win me with the Love that Gave EVERYTHING HE HAD for me.  We MUST see it personally… we must join the Union of the Trinity that has Divine Power to Work in me its Love that has Given me His Language, His Visions, His Heart, His Core of Existence that I walk not according to my own understanding but by His Plan that Love Strikes against all my enemies and Locks me into His Embrace of Safe Keeping.  
We are like Paul, in desperate motions to work for God… killing each other with knives of self knowledge.  So frightened to be who God Created us to be for we may sound different, we may go to places not accepted by our peers, we may have an appearance that strikes those around us as odd or unacceptable, our language may change to not acceptable so that we reach a soul…. Why we may even have to spit in someone’s eye…   We have so many reasons to not be open and honest… keeping our sins in the dark, for we tell ourselves we are greater than our sins… we are able to overcome by the word of our mouth not realizing that because we can’t get real the heart of our heart is bleeding, dying, unfinished with the pokes and jabs of pain and despair.  

I died… oh I see now how I committed suicide with my heart and death was its only relief as I allowed my own life to slowly go under as I swallowed the messages… YOU MUST...YOU MUST… YOU MUST.. or the demons of hell will have your soul.  Oh God, I repent for saving myself and losing the soul of my heart.  Oh God, Your Love was always enough and Your Long Suffering was the ONLY THING that has Given me New Life.  I had nothing to do with my Resurrection now or EVER..!!!  

I am separated as an individual so God can Prove to me that I am ALONE in His Heart, I have been Selected and Chosen as a single cell in His bride making.  I am of such Extreme Importance that He sends multiple of thousands of angels around me for the safe keeping of His Hearts Desire.  I too can call a thousand angels to the bid of my need, oh I too can call… but to see the Finale of His Love is of most abundantly a curiosity to me and I want to say… not my will but YOURS be DONE!!!!!  Oh God, I am Yours and I want to FALL IN YOUR ARMS as I RUN WITH ALL I'VE GOT TO YOU AS I AM.  I just come… I just enter into His Love as a Treasured Value worth His death to bring me here.  Unbelievable… yeah… unbelievable but True because its what He says..!!!!! Wooo Hooo..!

Can you HEAR… can you HEAR… YOU THE CHURCH…SINGING as Love Covers you from head to toe, inside out with His Abundance…. WHY… oh WHY… so that He can GET OTHERS the same… for YOU ARE HIS BRIDE…. Think of this… B-R-I-D-E…! His Love is so Enormous He wants us to just BE… just SIT… just SING… Enjoy His Love while ‘HE’ goes for the others… oh my gosh… what a beautiful, beautiful Love... Playing in Extreme Love.

Idols Be Gone

Father, I know You have invested so much into my life to the very Gift of Your Son, Jesus, for my sake.  This Knowledge keeps me going for my own failures are so massive.  I am so grateful that I stand blameless before You right now simply because of what Jesus did.  I do not owe You one thing other than my acceptance of this Gift.  

I sometimes wish I could give a week’s wage or some sacrifice so that I could ‘pay’ for such a Gift… but just like the thought of a week’s wage so extremely far from paying for all You have done… so I am unable to reach such a sacrifice.  

This sort of Love takes me into such a longing… such a deep want to walk according to Your Love Example.  I am coming so far from it that this morning I realize I can’t even walk.  Not like I want to for You.  

I realize that even though I am so torn and worn down, You have still wanted me.  This again takes me into my want to lay down my life and pick up Your Work, Your Beauty Living through me.  

I am hating the idols I have found in my life.  Things that seem to be of such importance that I think… oh no, not that… THAT’s not an idol.  Father, my Poppa that is so Patient… for that reason alone, I know it is.  I am searching to peel away my fingers from its grip.  Shake out the scream it carries for me to keep tight hold.  I am so heavy with desire and yet find my life showing so many signs of self satisfactions rather than God Satisfactions.  I just want You to know that I determine to give them up.  

All idols, all things that keep me attached to worldly pleasures that do not honor You.  Worldly affections, worldly attitudes, worldly opinions, worldly habits I no longer want as my daily steps through a day.  Cleanse me as I come before You with my prayer.  Open my eyes so that I can identify and destroy things that do not bring me to the Best You have for me.  

You are Faithful in my unfaithfulness.  You are Pure in my impurities.  You are Righteous in my self righteousness.  You are Forever and have a Gift of Life for me.  I want to, in return, give You my whole self and all my broken dreams and idols of self satisfactions.  

Thank You for Receiving me just as I am every day of my Life.  Thank You Jesus for Bringing me to the Feet of My God as Your Pleasure.  I don’t understand but I am grateful…. So very grateful.  I love You and learning just what all that means as You Love me with you’re your Pure Outrageous Love.

Weariness I No Longer Recognize

Father, I am transcended into a whirlwind 
that seems to spin all weariness 
into something I no longer recognize.  

As if what was – was never. 

Trapped in Your locked container 
that has no entrance or exit, 
are my worries 
I know not how was captured 
and taken away from me.  

Left in my conscientiousness 
is an open freedom 
where One has subdued my enemy 
and I am wondering about 
in a kingdom that saves.  

My appearance 
gives the impression of focused Love 
smeared inside out, 
to shift my ground beneath me 
so that each move becomes careless.  

The lover of my soul 
has spoken my name and I heard.  

I was about my business 
and His kiss of affection 
found the eyes of my heart.  
The woe of His passion 
showed ownership 
and I was jubilant.  

All that remained was now.  

Carried away was the weight of time.  

Saturated in the stare of love, 
words now speak with power 
but no sound.  

Exchanged are life’s burdens 
for the cleanliness of teaching 
washing its waves of song.  

Its life 
comes as not a formed vocabulary 
but as love words 
picked from words and images, 
it holds so gentle a story to enlighten.  

Acquaint me, lover of my soul; 
acquaint me deeper 
with unheard sounds love makes.  

Instruct me 
as You navigate 
my desires discovered. 
I throw caution to the wind 
as love pampers all my falls. 

For where else 
could my soul find such rest.  

Where could I uncover 
such vivaciousness, 
such exquisite awe of connection?