Dancing with my heart, my words, my song, and my love, before my God…

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who
LOVE YOUR NAME may rejoice in you. Psalms 5:11

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Loved - Not Feeling It

Have you ever felt ‘not loved’? 

I think we have all experienced this challenging moment and was forced to pull through to overcome its shock to our system.  I’m not sure why we conclude that we are beyond someone’s wrath or anger and should be accepted in spite of all the many ways we fail them, abuse them, and see first and foremost to our own selfishness.  

Peering through a window of our own life and satisfactions we make a judgment call that ‘you do not love me correctly’ and so I’m going to make you suffer for that.  Confusion then enters to stir its mix of truths with edgy lies, decorating its base for strength to apply against the target.   A contract begins to fill its pages with cries and woes that determine your theory for wins and loses.   Chapters take their titles; and not until stones are thrown to mark history of each destruction, we stand our guiltless position.  Pain becomes a garment so closely woven to our skin, we erase from our mind any notion it can be removed. 

It now becomes all about me and no longer about another’s failing attempt to breath in this locked penitentiary.  Waiting, just waiting we say… for proved visits that will take our heart to the heavenly expectations it feels it deserves.  Tighter and tighter the rope becomes and yet deeper and deeper the inspiration sinks to your soul that you have extreme rights to this philosophy of standard.  

Slowly we die, waiting for life.

A secret I've found while in my pit of selfish yearnings: a new vision develops (as my falling soul loses its battle) to find the One True Love within myself.  

A Light that shines keeps getting my attention more often as my tears find my own life failing me.  A higher Joy begins to be experienced and leave me dancing a different dance of thoughts.  A greater desire starts building from mere seconds of touching into this invasion of a different love.  

At first I hardly notice its entrance but its fragrance is left behind and I search for its name.  All that love is, begins its simple song singing within my heart as I find nothing else now compares to what I tasted.  I cannot see this aroma but it seems to touch every part of my emotions and turns my nature upside down.  It draws me to a new thought that this uncommon Love is not about how much 'I' can give or take but simply created to awaken my devotion away from myself and to a heaven made Oneness.  

My eyes can’t look at things the same, nor can my affection remain upon what earth had me bound to.  Love, Pure Love has taken my hand and has refused to drop me in spite of my unclean face.  It surrounds my heart with something so fresh, it melts upon my existence.  

An expansion of something I do not understand accelerates past my want to slow it down.  Time leaves and only the name of One Love remains step after step towards tomorrow.  I find my failure to love or receive love was based on my consumption of earth’s pleasures rather than Pure Love based on heavenly treasures.  

Now compelled by a Voice of Change, yearning to bring me to a ‘better Way’ I float upon earth rather than walk for I am not a resident, just a visitor created by Pure Love, and beckoned to its lap of luxury. 

Have I ever felt ‘not loved’?  

I still do at times.  But I am learning who it is that really does not love me and that is the enemy, the devil who was jolted from his position in heaven and hates the Lover of my soul.  

I am an offspring of Father’s Love whom He sent on earth to rescue me from the hate created by this creature called the devil.  Absolute Love that has no self-exalting god want-to-be motives within me, has found there is but One God, and my surrender to His Love is a freedom to find Love of those I have gifts of friendships, family, spouse, and even for myself

Friday, September 21, 2012

Steps Beautifully Choreographed

Heavenly languages, songs that the angels sing. Heavenly languages, songs that the angels sing. 
I just can't stop singing! 

Playing on the keyboard early this morning, this is what came from my voice. 
On and on about the scattering of the fiery messengers on earth preforming the assignments given by our Lord. 

Listening... oh yeah listening came from my heart! 

Heavenly languages, songs that the angels sing. 

He stands on Mount Olive, the Teacher is sounding His Word. 

We surround ourselves 
with Your Promises 
as we call You 
Lord of our lives.  

Watching about us 
and even before we go, 
You have caused our steps 
to be ordered 
for the gathering 
of our heart to Yours.  

In the busy of our thoughts, 
You crowd out confusion 
so we hear 
the purity of love’s sound 
ringing its musical rhythm 
for steps beautifully choreographed.  

For even in our sleep 
we awake from this morning, 
You tickled our emotions 
for this very meeting 
where we can dance together 
Your love songs.  

Lifting our voices 
as it dances across the air; 
lifting our eyes 
in a dance that waltzes 
its color to match Yours.  

With space created 
for growth and new treasures, 
we climb the mountain 
of Your Word 
to find each new dance 
that awaits.  

Arm in arm, 
Hand in hand, 
Heart to heart, 
You guide and we follow.  

Stepping towards the finale 
of Face to face

Thursday, September 20, 2012

You've Brought Nothing, Piercing Words

Words spoken to me, “I have…..!  What have you brought……?  You’ve brought nothing.”

What words have been sent to pierce your side?  Our life is full of complications that we can accept or reject.  Are they true but we do not want to face them?  Are they false and we can’t climb over them?  Are they intended to cripple as the enemy comes in to take advantage of a weakness we hold?  Why are words being spoken?  What are the words you are fighting? 

Father, because we stumble, we come often.  Oh God, Your love searches me at every down fall, all times, every time.  Because I fall my heart bleeds for Your mercy.  I want to think I have a miraculous heart that springs from kindness and releases a magical aroma that is treasured by my reputation among women and men of earth; but I lay aside crowns given by man and seek what comes to pass through Your wonders that keep me from destruction. 

Hosanna, You come, You save, You are the song that my heart cries for.  You are the simple that I want to understand but my heart complicates.  Oh I want to hear the path that has my name pronounced and declared as Your angels make clear the assignments given upon it.  All other gods I have touched have deceived me and I become sick with their false faces.  Oh, Son of Jesse, God of Abraham, King of all kings, Messiah who has Sheppard me time and time as the lost sheep, I struggle in the bush, I crumble as pain throws me its curve and I sink. 

I cannot forget Your passion, Your faithfulness, Your salvation that has thrown away all stops and runs swiftly to my broken heart ripped with words that crush; and yet have only the strength I give them.  Why do I rage against false mountains?  What lies within my heart that causes the struggle against this spoken utterance of untruth?  Truth blows hard, like a hurricane, to remove that which is not fixed to the tower of Your Word.  I reach for the Hand that holds me in these storms.  Am I shocked that I am so weak?  Am I so full of pride that untrue accusations can tumble the kingdom I built for myself?  Do I fall asleep at the wheel as if I do not realize how weary I am to know I must stop and allow Rest (Word) fight against my state of extreme hunger in whatever form it applies to me?  Am I not listening but just arguing? 

Father, I take the lie of no worth for this moment and apply Your Word that says back to the enemy of my soul who waits for its chance to cripple my days.  I speak Your affection and Your evaluation of my position of this day.  Your Love speaks to me… “Sought with the most extreme price, I saw you a far and sent redemption to pay for the entrance of your life to engage with Me, given you the ability to see my Glory as it passes through the Name of my Son, Jesus.  Leaving my Spirit to dwell in existence through your walk as I break the snare the enemy sets.  I Am, the eternal preservation of your soul.  I place my worth upon you and I am on your (my people) side, my Word will not return void unto me.” 

Thank You Jesus for showing You fought against what the devil would say by speaking Your Father’s life within You that was given.  Full of His Life and Words from His Passion for You and those He sent You to save.  Listening to Father as He burns with the Fire of His Spirit within me, I seek, I knock, I ask to be consumed with His Passion.  The strength of man is a falling allusion of power; but the Strength of Your Wind that blows with You Spirit’s Flame is the torch that reveals the beginning and end of times.  You have set Your Love upon Your chosen and Your fight for them is fierce.  I can feel its burn and I run to its consumption.      

Matthew 4 (AMP)
1-3 Next Jesus was taken into the wild by the Spirit for the Test. The Devil was ready to give it. Jesus prepared for the Test by fasting forty days and forty nights. That left him, of course, in a state of extreme hunger, which the Devil took advantage of in the first test: “Since you are God’s Son, speak the word that will turn these stones into loaves of bread.”
Jesus answered by quoting Deuteronomy: “It takes more than bread to stay alive. It takes a steady stream of words from God’s mouth.”
5-6 For the second test the Devil took him to the Holy City. He sat him on top of the Temple and said, “Since you are God’s Son, jump.” The Devil goaded him by quoting Psalm 91: “He has placed you in the care of angels. They will catch you so that you won’t so much as stub your toe on a stone.”
Jesus countered with another citation from Deuteronomy: “Don’t you dare test the Lord your God.”
8-9 For the third test, the Devil took him to the peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth’s kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, “They’re yours—lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on your knees and worship me, and they’re yours.”
10 Jesus’ refusal was curt: “Beat it, Satan!” He backed his rebuke with a third quotation from Deuteronomy: “Worship the Lord your God, and only him. Serve him with absolute single-heartedness.”
11 The Test was over. The Devil left. And in his place, angels! Angels came and took care of Jesus’ needs.

Psalm 18 (AMP)I love You fervently and devotedly, O Lord, my Strength.
50 Great deliverances and triumphs gives He to His king; and He shows mercy and steadfast love to His anointed, to David and his offspring forever.

The Lord is my Rock, my Fortress, and my Deliverer; my God, my keen and firm Strength in Whom I will trust and take refuge, my Shield, and the Horn of my salvation, my High Tower.
I will call upon the Lord, Who is to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies.
The cords or bands of death surrounded me, and the streams of ungodliness and the torrents of ruin terrified me.
The cords of Sheol (the place of the dead) surrounded me; the snares of death confronted and came upon me.
In my distress [when seemingly closed in] I called upon the Lord and cried to my God; He heard my voice out of His temple (heavenly dwelling place), and my cry came before Him, into His [very] ears.
Then the earth quaked and rocked, the foundations also of the mountains trembled; they moved and were shaken because He was indignant and angry.
There went up smoke from His nostrils; and lightning out of His mouth devoured; coals were kindled by it.
He bowed the heavens also and came down; and thick darkness was under His feet.
10 And He rode upon a cherub [a storm] and flew [swiftly]; yes, He sped on with the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness His secret hiding place; as His pavilion (His canopy) round about Him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
12 Out of the brightness before Him there broke forth through His thick clouds hailstones and coals of fire.
13 The Lord also thundered from the heavens, and the Most High uttered His voice, amid hailstones and coals of fire.
14 And He sent out His arrows and scattered them; and He flashed forth lightnings and put them to rout.
15 Then the beds of the sea appeared and the foundations of the world were laid bare at Your rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of the breath of Your nostrils.
16 He reached from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters.
17 He delivered me from my strong enemy and from those who hated and abhorred me, for they were too strong for me.
18 They confronted and came upon me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my stay and support.
19 He brought me forth also into a large place; He was delivering me because He was pleased with me and delighted in me.
20 The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness (my conscious integrity and sincerity with Him); according to the cleanness of my hands has He recompensed me.
21 For I have kept the ways of the Lord and have not wickedly departed from my God.
22 For all His ordinances were before me, and I put not away His statutes from me.
23 I was upright before Him and blameless with Him, ever [on guard] to keep myself free from my sin and guilt.
24 Therefore has the Lord recompensed me according to my righteousness (my uprightness and right standing with Him), according to the cleanness of my hands in His sight.
25 With the kind and merciful You will show Yourself kind and merciful, with an upright man You will show Yourself upright,
26 With the pure You will show Yourself pure, and with the perverse You will show Yourself contrary.
27 For You deliver an afflicted and humble people but will bring down those with haughty looks.
28 For You cause my lamp to be lighted and to shine; the Lord my God illumines my darkness.
29 For by You I can run through a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.
30 As for God, His way is perfect! The word of the Lord is tested and tried; He is a shield to all those who take refuge and put their trust in Him.
31 For who is God except the Lord? Or who is the Rock save our God,
32 The God who girds me with strength and makes my way perfect?
33 He makes my feet like hinds’ feet [able to stand firmly or make progress on the dangerous heights of testing and trouble]; He sets me securely upon my high places.
34 He teaches my hands to war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, and Your right hand has held me up; Your gentleness andcondescension have made me great.
36 You have given plenty of room for my steps under me, that my feet would not slip.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them; neither did I turn again till they were consumed.
38 I smote them so that they were not able to rise; they fell wounded under my feet.
39 For You have girded me with strength for the battle; You have subdued under me and caused to bow down those who rose up against me.
40 You have also made my enemies turn their backs to me, that I might cut off those who hate me.
41 They cried [for help], but there was none to deliver—even unto the Lord, but He answered them not.
42 Then I beat them small as the dust before the wind; I emptied them out as the dirt and mire of the streets.
43 You have delivered me from the strivings of the people; You made me the head of the nations; a people I had not known served me.
44 As soon as they heard of me, they obeyed me; foreigners submitted themselves cringingly and yielded feigned obedience to me.
45 Foreigners lost heart and came trembling out of their caves or strongholds.
46 The Lord lives! Blessed be my Rock; and let the God of my salvation be exalted,
47 The God Who avenges me and subdues peoples under me,
48 Who delivers me from my enemies; yes, You lift me up above those who rise up against me; You deliver me from the man of violence.
49 Therefore will I give thanks and extol You, O Lord, among the nations, and sing praises to Your name.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Disciplined And Loving It

Oh how I love the Father’s Discipline.  Sound awkward? … ahhh, okay, sort of, I guess.  But oh what Love involved when Father takes me from that which is destroying me!   Accepting and even grateful for this kind of love is not something I’ve always known; I suppose I’ve grown to realize its value from its work and life within me.

But, have you ever watched a parent work with a child and thought, “If they would just discipline their child? That child would be so much happier, as well as the parent.”  You can see right through the situation as an observer. 

Discipline challenges, yes; but correction - smothered in care, and I’m saved!  It watches constantly and has full pure intention of making certain my affairs do not get out of hand.  No limit of giving up; it works strong and believe it or not, joy’s fulfillment as its end for both Father and me.  Amazing…!  

The results are for the ultimate reward; Father and I have oneness like He and His Son. 

Often I speak of my weaknesses as Discipline will reveal, but swiftly His Spirit carry’s me off to understand better His strength and how to obtain it as my own.  Oh, such love involved.  Not only do I hear His love come pouring in the salvation of Discipline, but I am carried away; just as He has promised, love as my reward from the Father who seeks my heart as His own.  Hebrews 12 is a wonderful chapter to study on this challenging subject.

Hebrews 12:5-6 (NIV)
And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

The ‘ONE’ He loves… This statement has such extreme depth to my soul that finds struggling day after day to renew my life to be the example Jesus teaches.  He Loves those He disciplines, His Word says. Over and over, every disciplined moment brings in enormous amounts of health and refreshment to my soul. 

I give my acknowledgement and sorrow - He gives me His strength and love.  I give my weakness to change - He gives me the ability to want differently.  I surrender my will in bits and pieces - He takes my heart that remains and builds His Kingdom.  I am changed from glory to glory as His love works this tower of His pureness. 

Why would I ever run from His Discipline, such love that intends to show me a better way?  I have sorrow - He has joy.  I have discomfort - He has luxury.  I have pity - He has salvation.  I have mistrust - He has Faithfulness.  I have brokenness - He has Oneness. 

I've learned to call this love for His Discipline, eyes to see weakness.  For to see our weakness and not faint must come from knowing His love covers it all.  The safety of His love will direct us to the Oneness between He and His Son and us, through His Spirit so kind.


Oh Father, I love Your Discipline that carry’s me into Your arms of life.  I weep for Your kindness that visits me often with such love.  I am so grateful that I am loved.  I return all my love to You and know it has been built upon such kindness.   Condemnation wants us to feel condemned and lost in our weakness; but Your Discipline takes each failure and offers a replacement that will act upon Your Spirit and give eternal security of love unmerited, but in abundance.  Condemned says there is no hope; but Your Discipline (eyes to see weakness) has the Wonders of heaven as the reward.  I continue to pray for such a work to be welcome within my soul that harbors such weariness in constant want for self.    Take hold of those things I hang on to so tightly, You must shake to get it lose.  I have found love for I have found Your Discipline.  I yearn in a new way this strength that has Your promises of passion for me.  Thank You for giving me ‘eyes to see weakness’ and Your Spirit and Word that wars for me.  Thank You for the life in Your Word of truth, Jesus who taught us of You.

Hebrews 12:22-24  (NIV)
But you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.  (NIV)
1. The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3. he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
4. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Save Me From The Thoughts I Have

Father, the position that You Are, 
puts me at a place 
where at times I am so uncomfortable.  

The One, 
the only One 
and I know this, 
yet often my heart tries to carry on 
as if I myself had this place.  

Forgive me 
when I do this injustice to Your position.  

This is when You are so faithful 
to show Yourself strong 
and with mercy, 
You crumble my lofty heart.  

Save me from the thoughts I have 
that exalt them self’s 
against Your Throne 
and try to dominate 
over my brothers and sisters.  

My life is but a puff of smoke; 
and yet in that, 
You have placed 
a zillion thoughts and actions 
to give me fulfillment 
which does not allow me 
to think I am insignificant.  

In the span of eternity, 
seems hardly noticeable; 
but You say You have a Plan for me, 
a Place 
that I will not only take with You at this moment
 - but for all eternity 
in which I cannot fathom.   

I wait for Your Voice, 
all the while 
walking in the garden of Your Presence.  

I struggle with flesh, 
all the while 
I am held tightly in Your hands.  

I wish for the unspeakable, 
all the while 
You have every need 
I could possible want laid before me.  

Love has a grip on me 
that sings before I have ears to hear it.  

Love travels like the wind 
as I pass through it without notice.  
Like the air I breathe, 
I inhale the Life You are, 
as the poison that wants my life 
escapes to be filtered 
by Your grace for my next breath.  

Amazing amazements to have Your love.   

I am so grateful for Your position; 
You are the I Am, 
the beginning and the end, 
the Holy One 
that has set eyes upon me 
for a purpose I so want to fulfill 
with the love you have showed me.  

Take my life, 
as it is, 
and continue to saturate me 
in the grace and mercy 
of such abundant love 
so that I can change 
and be this image of You.  

So that I can shine like the stars 
as I reflect Your holiness, 
not my own attempt to be.  

Shower me in Your Wonders….!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Worth Has No End

The music of creation has my attention today. 
Sounding from my thoughts; 
you know, like when you see a baby smile. 

Something happens within 
that softens your emotions 
and your attention forgets 
what you were thinking, 
what you were doing 
and has to ponder the smile 
that has entered for your pleasure. 

God's creation has that same sort of music. 

You see it 
and it’s like a song of thoughts 
come to soften and steal your heart 
to the wonders of 
'what is He smiling about?' 

Then all of a sudden you realize 
that His eyes have caught yours 
and that is what brought on the smile... 
just like the baby. 

Having no fear, 
no judgments, 
no offenses
....just looks at you and smiles. 

Yes, the music of creation (me) 
has my attention 
and I just saw God look at me and smile.

In seeing such a beautiful smile, 
I know only to continue my question of thoughts.  

Why have I caught His attention 
that He would show such pleasure?  

My first response might go to my failures 
I have judged against myself 
and so I might want to cover them 
with a quick reason why I acted as such.  

When I see that His smile has continued 
I wonder if my good has outweighed my bad; 
but something within knows 
that is never going to happen.  

Is His smile locked towards me forever, 
I wonder.  

Have I anything to fear?  

Should I try to understand?  

Should I ask, 
why is this Love stretching so low 
to reach between my zillion thoughts 
that cram into my morning, 
to catch my attention, this music of creation? 

Like a baby whom I have no acquaintance 
searches his world for eyes to fix upon, 
finds eyes everywhere 
and smiles of pleasure are expressed 
across his face.  

Satisfied to watch 
as the entertainment of life plays out; 
Poppa God takes my world 
as His responsibility 
to cover in unconditional love.  

His smile sounds of bells ringing, 
as suddenly I hear 
coming from my walk in His Garden.  

His smile is taking on a song 
that tells His Story and I listen.  

He tells of how this Love 
has no end for He has no end.  

“No end?” I ask.   

His voice, 
now a beautiful song sounding 
responds, “I Am.”   

My chin lifts 
as if I might better understand infinity 
if I look up 
but it’s as if the impossible 
surrounds my mind.  

escapes my thoughts.  

His response, 
“Worth has no end.”  

I ask.   

His response, 
“I have placed ‘Worth’ 
upon you 
and nothing can take away this mark.”  

“So I have ‘Worth’?” 
I ask.  

The Song responds again 
to now saturate every part of me, 
as if I have stepped into a heaven realm 
that takes away the ground beneath me, 
and it Sings to me, 
“My eyes see 
the dance of my Spirit 
day and night.  
For I created the sun, moon, 
and all the glory of breath and life.  
My Spirit dances 
within all I created 
and is centered within 
each of my children.  
My gift to you, 
my Spirit, 
gives ‘you’ Worth which has no end.” 

Oh Poppa, 
I see that love 
has enlightened my thoughts 
and I rejoice.  
For in portion 
I understand 
as I ponder my own children 
whom I adore.  

With fresh thoughts 
I carry Your Name 
with new insight.  
I am Yours, the “I Am”.