I am so broken this morning as I wonder around in such Pure Love of my Poppa’s. Not discouraged to give up but in an overwhelmed knowledge of no-knowledge ..:0) I realize I am learning this Pure Love by the Drops of His Understanding upon my weak heart, trying to remain standing while it Pierces my every thought. For how can a child understand the details of building a house that will stand all the winds and storms of life to come except as time allows - the child is taken into these detailed steps - one nail by nail until the completion of a house. As builders of a dwelling from childhood, we try to accomplish something we have no sense in knowing our ignorance, but we build and build and build. Too often upon broken or rotten wood that will not hold but a moment… but we build. For we must survive. Love has been in abundance in our life and yet when truly shaken and opportunity to Love Purely as I Corinthians 13 speaks, we are clueless to produce. I have seen a Love that has Taken my heart as a Fire Set and it cannot be calmed. I am so Ravished by its Abundance that it causes me to fall on my face and weep. How can it be? How can it be…!!!! I see my ‘love’ and find my knees trembling as it dissolves as black smoke so easily vanishing with even the look of a disapproval from whom I give it. I weep as I take another look at True Love that picks me up from my failures. I feel like I have slipped into a Romance unheard of, unknown, unpredictable as it Carries such emotions and purposes for its Love Given. I am Safe and yet I am so broken. No match for its Eyes of Passion. I know I am about to be Consumed and yet it is exactly what I keep seeking. I realize that God is Throwing my husband and I both into the most uncomfortable position we could have ever realized to understand that what we have called love is mere flesh. What He wants for us is Love that is Heavenly and Eternal. I can’t help but want to get into this Fire with both feet and yet I’m Burning up and exhausted. Last night was a powerful night for us. Everything around us is breaking so that the Real Son can Shine. I’m scared and yet never been more excited. I’m in so much flesh pain and yet I have never known such Love in Abundance. I want to escape Him but yet I cry He never lets me…!!!!! Oh God, I cry….. take it AWAY….!!!! And with every breath He Lays the Sweetness of His Want to be with me. His Passion over me that Drives Him to View all my dreams as Ours. I am so lost. I am so Loved that it hurts to not return it. It is so hard to look upon Pure and stand. I wonder…. Oh God…I wonder… as I am Drawn to This Throne, how can I stand in the Wind of such Force. Jesus, Lover of my soul…. All Consuming Fire…. BURN from inside out the world that has taken me captive. Send This Romance into all the corner of my existence. Teach me with the Spirit that Lives and Moves me. Fix my attention to the Fierce Fire of His Passion.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Father, how can we know
how Extreme Your Love is until we see how frail ours is?
Can I know by simply being told? How can I know what You have gone through to Redeem me unless I realize what I have been Redeemed from?
And yet to look upon my sins and failures
is heart splitting moments where all that is within me
wants to run to the island of paradise somewhere in my fantasy,
with its soul’s contentment where all things serve me.
Can I stand under this pressure? Can I remain in this degree of Fire? Have I got what it takes to hear such Love from the Mountain of Your Holiness and live?
Is my weak heart going to take such Abundance without fainting?
I am miserable, ultimately miserable when I look upon this Love so Pure that Continues to never die, all the while my flesh becomes the rotten image of what is inside.
I have huge scares and remnants of broken lies that become screams of attention. They pierce my ears as I search to quiet the fears they produced for so long.
I lie in sickness of soul as the Reality of Pure Love Waits upon me to Come and find a Place it has for me.
Must I travel this road?
Must I Open my eyes to see the nails I hammer?
Oh God, within my body runs the Blood of Your Son
and I join the Union of this Triune
as death of my flesh takes in the Extreme of Your Love.
I cry out for More as I wither in pain of dying to self gratifications.
For how can I ever really know how Extreme Your Love is unless I realize how frail I am?