Thoughts:
I am broken this morning. Broken with thoughts that I want to face and not hide. Places where correction is my only hope. I am so guilty of wanting others to be ‘God’ to me. By that I
mean I have searched to be loved and even went into denial when it was not
there to prove to myself they love me like God loves me. I was so
ignorant and silly to do so. I was walking in darkness, looking for God
and all His promises to be filled but I looked to find it in others as much or
more than I looked to find it within, where He is and lives.
Without
knowing or having a spiritual understanding, I felt my worth dissolving time
and time again by my actions, their actions, my falling, their failing, my
right standing, their right standing, my successes, their successes and YES, my
failure and their failures. I am ‘worth’ or have ‘love’ according to
others on earth.
Oh my my my…! So opposite of His amazing love. I
am learning His love, finding it MUST start by knowing His Love exist and that
I was made for that to be poured upon. NOT to understand but know it by
allowing this bazaar truth work in me. We are His Passion and His great
work. He sat back on the seventh day and said “IT IS GOOD.” When
God repented of making mankind, I do not understand it but that statement is
all about HIM…. NOT ME..!!!!! He declared something I don’t understand about HIS
WORK…! Wow…!
But He went another direction, I somehow believe so
that in and by eternity we will be forever knowing His love BY HIS WORK IN
US. For He loves His work and thought of me before He went to action to
separate the dark from the light or water from land… on and on. Designing
his role and the plan to bring ALL things into order as He continues to oversee
His eternity. Without understanding I say in folly as a child, I am loved
in extreme for this a child believes and cries from the beginning to be
loved. He created that and said… ‘Don’t lose that..! unless you
remain as a child, you’ll not see my kingdom’ My thoughts….I will walk in
His love and discipline but I will never know it unless I’m a child. I will
slip right through my life without knowing I am so loved He sent His Son to
insure my place with Trinity, unless I remain as His child.
To see His
kingdom is to live like a child under the magnificent Poppa of Three.
Saying and being ugly at times and I cry and weep I’m sorry. Get up and
find forgiveness by God, not always by others… this I must just show and give
what I’ve received. To be silly and adventurous at times, going too far
until I am cautioned back. On and on the ways of a child knowing they
have a momma and daddy that loves, spanks from love, guides by love..etc etc…
to be named after Their Name and live in that kingdom (Place – His Name).
Oh my, I easily see others as His pride and joy for I am the
same. When I discover that my worth is beyond my own debt to pay, I MUST
live with that. I can’t pay it. Ouch. But this is what He set
as His creation and even warned me to know that He set governments upon
nations… this is HIS creation. I love the story in Daniel 3, I believe (I
need to look it up) opps, it’s Daniel 5… MSG BIBLE
18-21 “Listen, O king! The High God
gave your father Nebuchadnezzar a great kingdom and a glorious reputation.
Because God made him so famous, people from everywhere, whatever their race,
color, and creed, were totally intimidated by him. He killed or spared people
on whim. He promoted or humiliated people capriciously. He developed a big head
and a hard spirit. Then God knocked him off his high horse and stripped him of
his fame. He was thrown out of human company, lost his mind, and lived like a
wild animal. He ate grass like an ox and was soaked by heaven’s dew until
he learned his lesson: that the High God rules human kingdoms and puts anyone
he wants in charge.
22-23 “You are his son and have
known all this, yet you’re as arrogant as he ever was. Look at you, setting
yourself up in competition against the Master of heaven! You had the sacred
chalices from his Temple brought into your drunken party so that you and your
nobles, your wives and your concubines, could drink from them. You used the
sacred chalices to toast your gods of silver and gold, bronze and iron, wood
and stone—blind, deaf, and imbecile gods. But you treat with contempt the
living God who holds your entire life from birth to death in his hand.
Wow, God is so good..!!!! until he learned his lesson. I
am His and treasured by His love in such desperate ways, I cannot
comprehend. He holds my life and I want to never take my life back again
to find ‘I’ am something of my own. No, I am His work and His affection
is mine to enjoy. Trusting His work, leaning to His answer for all
things…!
I believe this is my ‘lesson’ right now…. Don’t desire others to
be God to you…. The God is the only God. He loves unconditionally and is working His work in His creation. Do not measure yourself among yourselves, do not
judge nor set sentences upon His work (Spirit’s love). No one, me
included, can be God – we are His subject of affection and He loves His
work.
Sure sometimes I wish I were the hand rather than the butt…
:0) but I repent and say… to You Poppa, I give my butt…!!!! And He loves
me as a butt…!!!
Thoughts.... fascinating!
