Dancing with my heart, my words, my song, and my love, before my God…

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who
LOVE YOUR NAME may rejoice in you. Psalms 5:11

Thursday, October 28, 2010


Amazing Grace, I’ve been set free.  It rolls over and over and over in my head.  It amazes me how I can be so caught in drama and pain that I will allow it to suffocate the Grace that Pours within my spirit to Revive and Move me to the Mountain of God’s Grace.   When I find His Grace something inside begins to make a fresh Melody and this Substance hits dead center in my heart and seeps its Power to every pour of my body.  My eyes begin to open and my feet begin to take me.  Take me where He is and there I find once again the Intimacy I left to follow my own love.  As I open the door of my heart once again I wonder why I left.  What took me away from His Embrace?  I shake as I tremble in His Arms.  I call out that I will never leave again, never in ten million, million years.  His Eyes catch my tear and He Gives me a Smile that Melts all thoughts of my own ability to stay.  I know not what to say next so I just lay in this Presence for I find Safety Wrapped all around me.  I hear His Voice and I must weep again for over and over He Shares with His Warmth that His Love has followed my steps and watched as I painfully fell from sensing His Love.  I look into His Being for I do not understand this sort of Love.  Why watch me fall, oh why Lord, do You Watch a fall.  He Lifts me Closer so I can hear Him Whisper.  ‘Child, falling is but a lie received; you were never out of sight.’  I again realize I don’t understand so I just cover up with His Blanket of Love and snuggle in this Place.  I just want to talk for awhile.  I open my heart and take a breath to share.  My Lord, I have felt so lost as I listened to that which enticed me.  Why would I follow it?  What would I even think it would bring?  I took it to sleep with me and I listened as it devoured my joy.  I was awakened with its voice screeching its claws in to my heart.  And then before I knew it, I was lost in its grip.  I searched for a door and could not find it for once it had me outside it vanished to leave me alone.  I could not escape.  Where were You?  Were You screaming at me yet my ears failed to hear?  Was You Holding me while I ran?  Again, He Gently takes His Hands and Cups my face, Lifts my chin, and now I see a Tear in His Eyes.  I do not understand, my Lord, why are You Crying?  I see His Forehead rise as He tilts His Head as if He Knows what He wants to say but wonders if I will hear.  I ask again… why, my Lord, are You Crying?  He leans forward and gives me a Kiss on my forehead and then He Speaks.  ‘My child, before you were born I Painted the sky for you.  Before you were born, I Designed a Room to Exist in Time for your walk with Me.  I put Detail in your form that would Show you I Am.  I Cover your life with Protection and Safety with no void or failure.  I Raise heavens Song over each breath you take as your importance to me runs delightfully beautiful.  I Am for you.  I Am with Constance.  I Am with Eternity for you.’  I am speechless and I reach to take the Tear from His Eye. As I feel its Dampness on my finger I remain wondering… wondering… how can I understand this Love? 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I Need Help God...!

Suddenly I have found my self swimming in unknown and it feels like the only thing in the water is me and some hungry sharks.  I'm wondering how in the heck I got in the water in the first place.  But this morning I woke singing… yeah, singing.  I thought wow, I’ve got so much going on and I’m singing?  I loved it and after I took just a moment to ponder that I was singing, and wondering how I could be doing so, I continued as I thought, enjoy the moment.  I was right for as the day wore on I began to feel heavier and heavier with the weight of life’s issues pounding at my door.  I couldn’t wait to find this scripture as I knew it would hold the Life that I needed and as expected, it came to my rescue. 

James 1:2-8, Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. ….  

5-8If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. (The Message)

Gosh, today… I DO NOT know what I’m doing…!  That’s an understatement.  Reading the Word through the day I found this scripture which gives me even more hope.

II Corinthians 4:2  Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God. (The Message)

I have learned and continue to learn to put everything out in the open.  Test and challenges do not feel like a gift when you open that door and it’s your guest, but I am realizing more all the time that it is exactly what opens heaven’s doors for me.  Challenges are easier if all is in the open.  So I am stumped, I am puzzled, I am troubled, I am confused, I am facing a big challenge and I only know to do as I read this morning …. 8If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. (The Message)

Father, I feel like a child today with a dirty face and I don’t know how I got dirty.  I am frightened, an unknown, afraid to come to the Sink for Cleansing as I may find more than I can handle.  I was in the Yard, playing with the Joys of Your Goodness and suddenly someone announces I’m all dirty.  With a scream I hear my name being shouted to all the others who put me in this spotlight and the stares have frightened me into a shy state of puzzled guilt while I remain paralyzed of accusations that are confusing.  I don’t understand nor can I see.  I feel like a coward or one from a slum, for I do not understand where the light switch is to turn away the darkness and bring in the Light as I am declared shameful.  I look into all the corners I can think of and still come short of knowing what happened?  I hear a sound declaring but I do not find its truth.  I hear a cry shouting but I do not find the pains source.  I can accept a sheer gift of test and challenges so that I am forced into seeing true colors but without Your Help, I am lost to make steps.  I know Your Voice and it is the Heart Beat of my Life.  Without it I cannot breath.  I have heard Your Song within me and I dance around its Pleasures.  I may wonder off into a thorn bush as a child so sure of her Keeper’s Watchful Eye, but always with the confidence of Your Arms of Strength Grabbing me before destruction takes me.  I do not know what I’m doing but I am encouraged and making the only step I know at this time to remind my self that You Love to Help me.  Help me, Keeper of my soul.  Lead me to the Fresh Spring that will Wash Away and correct wrong I am accused of with Your Eyes of Passion and Your Love as the Foundation of this building.  Speak to me in the Voice I am familiar for it brings Light to my Path.  I rejoice in Your Purity and marvel at Your Right Standing.  I know that I am the Righteousness of You through Christ but walking out the transforming of my mind takes the Word of Truth and a surrendered life to Your Loving Kindness.  There is no other Way but You and so I look Up from where all Help comes and ask that You Help me find Truth.  I place my heart under the Covering of Jesus as He Takes me to Find You. Amen

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Home With Mom & Dad

If you know me… or if you meet me for even as little as ten minutes, you have probably found out that I’m an Okie.  If you don’t know it by my speech, which I get teased about quite often, you know it because I’m talking about home.  It is a place to be safe and talk just about anything you want, you just need to boldly spill and they are there to hear with such a loving heart as a parent.  The door is always open in my parents home, now 83 and 81 years old.  What a blessing this has spoken to my heart as I travel unknown roads that my heavenly Father has taken me.  When I was young, my dad always had something up his sleeve to give his kids to help enjoy home as it was often said of him, ‘Is your dad ever going to grow up?’  He was a mechanic so ‘inventing’ gadgets or modifying good deals he bought was in constant supply and many times to our advantage.  They owned 40 acres so space was also a luxury we enjoyed in our little community.  My mom loved people and her heart was focused on God and bringing ‘people’ to Him.  Many, many times I was instructed NOT to open that bedroom door as I enjoyed the freedom to play, but she was praying.  I would often hear the tears and my name.  Not to be surprising, when guest or friends came to join us, It was not uncommon at all for her to ask, ‘Do you go to church anywhere?’  Sometimes my dad would bring people home for lunch unexpected as he would break from working on their vehicle at his shop up town, and always, always… the question of church was popped at some point before they left the house.  Our family of eight did not see much money pass among us but we sure saw the arms of care reaching out.  Sundays were filled with company as we would bring friends over to ‘play’ in the adventures of the Ford Family.

Today I am reflecting on Love taught in my home as a child and if you relook at the picture I enclosed you can see it still continues today.  I can look around and see it in such small portions in some families and it breaks my heart.  I am of age now myself and realize the abundance of love available but so little shared and even challenged myself to do better.  For the selflessness sometimes Love requires is tough.
I read this morning in the Message Bible…
 17-18God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.
 19We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.
 20-21If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both.

This scripture seems obvious but many people can honestly say they had no example or did not experience this as their hearts and life were maturing as children. This is where the Gift of Christ takes on such a beautiful meaning.  As faithful and loving as my parents were, they could still not ‘save’ me from my own life of destruction.  If I would have had the most perfect model parents that were ever birthed, I would still have a lost soul outside of the redeeming Blood that Jesus shed for me.  I surrender (He is my Parent) and I confess my need (talk to Him about my problems) that Jesus is my Lord (I no longer want to be in control) and find Perfect Love (the example and Gift of Love) so I can be a part of His family.  If I were the best of people or the worst, I must go to the same Cross for my Drink of Salvation.  I am overwhelmed with the Love that the Father has provider for He has made it known and available to all walks, all nationalities, all situations, all styles of people.  No one is left out.  Jesus loved us FIRST, so now we know Love.  I want to walk in that Love and learn of it every day for I am still a child of 57, maturing in the things of God as I wonder about playing, while Jesus Prays for me.  Calling my name, Shedding tears for my sake, Watching my steps and Teaching me today how to pass on His Love.  The best part of this walk… His Promise that we are First Loved and then required to love; but FIRST we are LOVED.  I am so thankful for being Loved.  It is the Greatest of all Gifts and its mine and ALL that call upon His Name…!  He is so Amazing..!!!!


Thursday, October 14, 2010

What Is God Saying About Me?

I Love Thankful Thursdays...!  On This Thankful Thursday I want to rejoice in a treasure I received almost 16 years ago now.  A warm smile that took me into a new realm of laughter after I had crumbled from the disaster of divorce.  I met Michael a couple of years before my divorce in fleeting moments of time
and no thought that he would be a part of my future.  Years later, needing some paperwork he had I made a call to his office.  Michael, a great Christian psychologist, had given one of my son’s renewed reasons for life after a troubling time in his life and I needed this documented account.  I was so frightened to start life over.  He asked me to dinner, I shrank in fear.  He suggested we get to know each other by phone.  Ahhh, feeling safe I said okay.  His mother from out of state, came to visit and he took her to the church I attended.  As I worshipped in a dance team with all my might, he whispered into his mother’s ears that Sunday morning, “That is who God told me I was going to marry.”  I did not know this until after we married a year later for at that time he spoke to her we had barely seen each other.  I remember like yesterday the first time our hands touched and we walked along a river as we talked and hung on each other’s every word.  And then it began… we TALKED about each other…. to EVERYONE. 
Today I am thinking, what else and to whom has God been talking of me about?  Is it okay to say and think, He is?  I think it is!  I love talking about God and all the wonders He gives and shares with me such as the romance of my Romeo.  I am so in love with the Love He Gives me.  I find it absolutely everywhere.  Here is a thought to ponder… long, long ago… before I was born… He Knew me.. He pondered me and then He placed me in a moment of time that would best work to my good and His Glory.  I was born in the exact year He Purposed for me.  Carefully He Created me with such detail and the most amazing to me is that He keeps account of all my days…even how many hairs on my head.  I know so little about myself compared to what He knows about me…!  SO LITTLE… I could almost say I know nothing of myself in comparison of what He knows about me.  So why would He know all this about me and not Talk about it?  Why would anyone Love like this and not talk about it?  I have no idea and I am convinced that I have no way of ever knowing this fact… yet every day, all day, any day… He knows that hair count to the absolute.   Why?  Why would He keep such a record if He did not also have a multitude of other information about me?  Love swelled to extreme…!  Well, of course His Love is past my understanding but somehow I dare to believe that Him knowing that exact detail is such a small part of His knowledge about me.  So that brings me to stretch my imagination…I just wonder what else and to whom has God been talking of me about?  Have you ever wondered this? 
Hugs to you all,
Charlotte, Lover of His Name
Pray and Love with Michael and I's Recovery Process from TBI

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Move Moments to Slow Motion

I am so over Joyed this morning for I am taken into such an awareness of God’s Love simply by ‘thinking’ of who I am since the purchase of my name, my soul, my heart.  On this Thankful Thursday I must declare what seems to be singing within my thankful heart.  Shyly I lift my eyes to speak of the abundant emotions of this Love Song and praise boiling inside me.  I taste the flavors of each days treats by knowing a husband that was given to me from His Most Holiness.  Oh how sweet as sometimes I want to just move the moments to slow motion so that I can embrace them over and over and walk in its pleasure.  Our eyes meet throughout a day and our heart speaks out a message of love.  I carry his message with me as I continue the work ahead.  Where is the gray sky, where did the valleys go?  I somehow escaped the tragedy of a soul’s departure as I swim in the ocean of Love’s Water.  Will I awake to find I’m dreaming?  Will I open my eyes to find sorrow?  Oh but I hear a Promise.  I hear a Voice Singing in my ear.  I run to its Sound and I am Taken by its Message.  For I have awaken, and I have opened my eyes and I see One Standing in a distance who has His Arms stretching to Embrace my love and I.  We have gathered to a High Mountain and behold a Son so Bright in Glory.  We are bidden to Come for we are His love song.  Oh the Noise of Praise upon the Mountain as others are gathered to Come, be dressed in white and see His Glory.  What Music and Dancing as the Party of a Wedding continues to fill the heaven’s sky.  The Father of the Bride is Dancing with His children as they await the Groom’s appearance.  Oh how the Love Song penetrates the darkness of night as it erases all pain of climbing the Mountain. We are His for we have accepted His Ring and now rejoice in our Engagement.  Oh how Beautiful the Bride…!

Revelation 21:9
[ The City of Light ] One of the Seven Angels …
spoke to me: "Come here. I'll show you the Bride, the Wife of the Lamb." He took me away in the Spirit to an enormous, high mountain and showed me Holy Jerusalem descending out of Heaven from God, resplendent in the bright glory of God. (The Message)

I rejoice in the journey God is taking me.  This life is not always easy but the rewards of following Him makes my heart sing.  This year has been a new walk my husband and I are learning as we walk it through God's Grace.  I have written much of this journey in a journal at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mikelacer.  My husband, my love, has experienced the tragedy of a TBI.  Together God is bringing us into His New Life.  Wow.... I can only say Wow, how grateful and thankful of His Love over us...! Thank you for allowing me to share.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Ultimate Romance Before the Wedding

Ahhh, I am smiling for I have a Romance going on that my heart is swimming in.  I have a fire within that burns for One so Pure.  I am in Waiting and have taken in the Countenance of Love as I give through my thoughts and ways to He who Loves me in return.  Our eyes meet and I blush with knowing I was caught…caught loving with heart felt passion.  He Saw me staring at Him and I shrank.  But then His Hand was extended and I rose with excitement, knowing somehow that what was ahead would be Pleasures in a multitude of captured emotions?  I fixed my eyes upon Him as my mind connected with my heart and spoke its vow that I will never look away for I have found Love’s Song.  And the Music began!  I stopped to listen for its Notes were Sounds unfamiliar but Lifting the weight of my soul into an unknown.  Dare to enjoy I wait as I ponder this event with its intense Fulfillment.  Captured and willing to stay in this moment I linger with enough ecstasy I'm sure I could live here forever.  Oh the Sound of Love to the ears of desire.  Oh how limp the battles of fear fall when the foot of your whole steps into this realm of Love.  But then I am Touched with the Nudge of Closeness and I surrender to go further.  The Music continues as the Romance of Intimate Glances becomes stronger and my heart beats intensely.  I am showered with His Passion as I sink into His Arms that Hold me so Close now.  I look around and find another who has come to this same Fountain that woos the heart to surrender.  How amazing and wonderful to find one with the same heart.  Together now we share while our Tunes of Love beat so deep.  We can't help but dance as we see One before us who has Reached a depth within us that makes no sense to the senses but complete satisfaction to the abandoned heart towards His Love.   A Song of Melody now develops as together we Sing to the Heights of heaven because Love has taken over all the moves of our days.  We giggle together; we play together, speaking of our Romance of Love’s Song.  We are smitten by the length of it Amazements as we continue in its Beauty.  As Melody Rises, another voice joins the Song so we reach to catch its Colors and join it to our praise.  The Color now becomes of more Brilliance than one can voice.  We can only again stare as the Love rumbles and forms its exposion to be poured out by moves and passions of Life’s Song.  In unison we shout 'Rejoice, for yet another has become a Note of His Love'.  We look out over the horizon and behold many who are of the same Sense of Love's Embrace is Singing of One that has brought them to this Fountain of the Father’s Son. The Dance of Love has overtaken the mulitude of hearts and the Romance of Beauty now is the Gown we wear.  For together the choir blends its colors and sounds and we join our worship to One who Gave His Life for us, His bride, as we leave all that holds us and abandon any fears.  Circling around us is the Halo of His Crown and on our finger is the Ring of His Compassion of never ending Acceptance.   We Dance into Bliss together as His Presence Carry's us as one heart while we walk towards His Embrace of eternal.  We stretch every thought to behold this Moment while we delight in the Romance over Him.  Captured in this awaiting moment we Drink of Love in unison of heart, soul, and mind with our Father of Creation before the awaiting Wedding the Father Arranged for the Son, His Word.  Captured in His Love and so saturated with Gifts, we open Them each one with excitement of a bride knowing she is about to be His without reserves.  Oh the oozing of words as Love Speaks its Place.  Romance takes on its Face of the multitude, His bride’s expression, as Love reveals its Truth to all.  The Son is COMING...! We are Dancing with our Father as He bids all to come.  The Wedding is Announced and we are the bride…!!!  Today we are Kissed by the Passion of His Romance as we Sing of our Royal Engagement.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Another Heart Beat Today

Next month I'm coming up on my 8 year anniversary of having a pacemaker.  One day at work I just passed out. During a visit to my doctor for a tilt table test, my heart stopped for 10 seconds and they were unable to manipulate my heart to bring me back without a device. I was told later that my 'signal' to keep my heart beating stops telling it to beat so my heart rate will just drop to zero.  The pacemaker immediately catches the drop and continues giving my heart the signal to beat until my heart begins on it's own once again. AMAZING...!  

This is a prayer as my True Heart for Him speaks...!

Father, with each breath I am so taken by how beautiful You have Given such Wonders, Your Wonders, and sometimes I weep with uncontrollable Joy in my heart as I am allowed to see another heart beat of Your Love. For at times I feel You gave me something so special when I was allowed a pacemaker. I can literally feel within me its 'taking off' and think... oh my... my heart just stopped but life was given again and again to me from Above, from One that says... No, not yet...!  You could have taken me... oh You could have taken me to sit before You and Sing my Song of Praise like I cherish and desire, but Your Plan was of another Route.  I know not how to really say thank You my Savior and King and to whom my heart beats for.  For I see the Face of Him Shining with Glory upon the earth as You Swing Your children in Your Playground You Created as we run and jump in Your Presence.  I ask...can you imagine... seeing the whole earth in such a state of bowing and raising the voice of one heart unto Him as He has given us over and over another heart beat to enjoy as we would like, our choice.  For we have not been made to worship each other or even the angels whom are His messengers but to worship Him with Spirit and Truth. Worship; giving our whole, giving our allegiance, giving us...! We look upon the life span of a parent and see it was but a breath or a vapor as it now appears gone as they lay in their aged body awaiting to return to dust; but their spirit is still alive and oh how beautiful when before our eyes you see them Longing for Him with what Life still remains, as we melt from the Father's Truth they are leaving us to Him..!  And to my own amazements of such a vapored life span for myself, I stop the moments of my day, stop the seconds that take me to this aged body and declare my love unto One that gave me yet another heart beat and I love on Him with gratefulness, not of anything I am or have done but of and for Him.  Now the heart beat -that praise, is eternal, now it is taken as an incense before Him because I gave it to Him.  One, two, three, moments of my heart's praise and on and on He is counting the wonders of my praise and He counts it as His Treasures, oh my...!  I am so overwhelmed of His Love that He can cherish my return love to Him in this manner.  He Showers and Shares Who He is with me through a dance of worry free, through a Touch of Passion of Pureness, and I again rise up with yet another heart beat that belongs to Him because I give it back. I have fallen into the Wings of His Love.  I have let go of the taste of worldly hold and given each of my next heart beats to One that Shares His Love by Promising to change me into His Life and Image as I declare my name to be bought by His.  I do not have to be the person this world tried to make of me but can be renewed and formed into His Image by this Love and seek Him with all my heart.  I am so broken with this Compassion... for understanding does not give my thoughts answers but by far it gives my heart a reason to continue.  I am His child, I am His daughter.  I am His Song and He Lifts me up with Melodies I can hear with the ears of His Making.  Oh how I love Him. I am captivated and receive each heart beat given with gratitude.  For I now surrender to be Loved with Eternity that was Bought by Blood of One Perfect and Followed He Who was Good.  This heart beat that was just given... all His..!