Have you ever felt ‘not loved’?
I think we have all experienced this
challenging moment and was forced to pull through to overcome its shock to our
system. I’m not sure why we conclude
that we are beyond someone’s wrath or anger and should be accepted in spite of
all the many ways we fail them, abuse them, and see first and foremost to our
own selfishness.
Peering through a
window of our own life and satisfactions we make a judgment call that ‘you do
not love me correctly’ and so I’m going to make you suffer for that. Confusion then enters to stir its mix of
truths with edgy lies, decorating its base for strength to apply against the
target. A contract begins to fill its
pages with cries and woes that determine your theory for wins and loses. Chapters
take their titles; and not until stones are thrown to mark history of each destruction,
we stand our guiltless position. Pain becomes
a garment so closely woven to our skin, we erase from our mind any notion it
can be removed.
It now becomes all about
me and no longer about another’s failing attempt to breath in this locked
penitentiary. Waiting, just waiting we
say… for proved visits that will take our heart to the heavenly expectations it
feels it deserves. Tighter and tighter
the rope becomes and yet deeper and deeper the inspiration sinks to your soul
that you have extreme rights to this philosophy of standard.
Slowly we die, waiting for life.
A secret I've found while in my pit
of selfish yearnings: a new vision develops (as my falling soul loses its
battle) to find the One True Love within myself.
A Light that shines keeps getting my attention more often as my tears
find my own life failing me. A higher
Joy begins to be experienced and leave me dancing a different dance of
thoughts. A greater desire starts
building from mere seconds of touching into this invasion of a different
love.
At first I hardly notice its
entrance but its fragrance is left behind and I search for its name. All that love is, begins its simple song
singing within my heart as I find nothing else now compares to what I
tasted. I cannot see this aroma but it
seems to touch every part of my emotions and turns my nature upside down. It draws me to a new thought that this
uncommon Love is not about how much 'I' can give or take but simply created to
awaken my devotion away from myself and to a heaven made Oneness.
My eyes can’t look at things the same, nor
can my affection remain upon what earth had me bound to. Love, Pure Love has taken my hand and has
refused to drop me in spite of my unclean face.
It surrounds my heart with something so fresh, it melts upon my
existence.
An expansion of something I
do not understand accelerates past my want to slow it down. Time leaves and only the name of One Love
remains step after step towards tomorrow.
I find my failure to love or receive love was based on my consumption of
earth’s pleasures rather than Pure Love based on heavenly treasures.
Now compelled by a Voice of Change, yearning
to bring me to a ‘better Way’ I float upon earth rather than walk for I am not
a resident, just a visitor created by Pure Love, and beckoned to its lap of
luxury.
Have I ever felt ‘not loved’?
I still do at times. But I am learning who it is that really does
not love me and that is the enemy, the devil who was jolted from his position
in heaven and hates the Lover of my soul.
I am an offspring of Father’s Love whom He sent on earth to rescue me
from the hate created by this creature called the devil. Absolute Love that has no self-exalting god
want-to-be motives within me, has found there is but One God, and my surrender to
His Love is a freedom to find Love of those I have gifts of friendships,
family, spouse, and even for myself.
