Have you ever felt ‘not loved’?
I think we have all experienced this challenging moment and was forced to pull through to overcome its shock to our system. I’m not sure why we conclude that we are beyond someone’s wrath or anger and should be accepted in spite of all the many ways we fail them, abuse them, and see first and foremost to our own selfishness.
Peering through a window of our own life and satisfactions we make a judgment call that ‘you do not love me correctly’ and so I’m going to make you suffer for that. Confusion then enters to stir its mix of truths with edgy lies, decorating its base for strength to apply against the target. A contract begins to fill its pages with cries and woes that determine your theory for wins and loses. Chapters take their titles; and not until stones are thrown to mark history of each destruction, we stand our guiltless position. Pain becomes a garment so closely woven to our skin, we erase from our mind any notion it can be removed.
It now becomes all about me and no longer about another’s failing attempt to breath in this locked penitentiary. Waiting, just waiting we say… for proved visits that will take our heart to the heavenly expectations it feels it deserves. Tighter and tighter the rope becomes and yet deeper and deeper the inspiration sinks to your soul that you have extreme rights to this philosophy of standard.
Slowly we die, waiting for life.
A secret I've found while in my pit of selfish yearnings: a new vision develops (as my falling soul loses its battle) to find the One True Love within myself.
A Light that shines keeps getting my attention more often as my tears find my own life failing me. A higher Joy begins to be experienced and leave me dancing a different dance of thoughts. A greater desire starts building from mere seconds of touching into this invasion of a different love.
At first I hardly notice its entrance but its fragrance is left behind and I search for its name. All that love is, begins its simple song singing within my heart as I find nothing else now compares to what I tasted. I cannot see this aroma but it seems to touch every part of my emotions and turns my nature upside down. It draws me to a new thought that this uncommon Love is not about how much 'I' can give or take but simply created to awaken my devotion away from myself and to a heaven made Oneness.
My eyes can’t look at things the same, nor can my affection remain upon what earth had me bound to. Love, Pure Love has taken my hand and has refused to drop me in spite of my unclean face. It surrounds my heart with something so fresh, it melts upon my existence.
An expansion of something I do not understand accelerates past my want to slow it down. Time leaves and only the name of One Love remains step after step towards tomorrow. I find my failure to love or receive love was based on my consumption of earth’s pleasures rather than Pure Love based on heavenly treasures.
Now compelled by a Voice of Change, yearning to bring me to a ‘better Way’ I float upon earth rather than walk for I am not a resident, just a visitor created by Pure Love, and beckoned to its lap of luxury.
Have I ever felt ‘not loved’?
I still do at times. But I am learning who it is that really does not love me and that is the enemy, the devil who was jolted from his position in heaven and hates the Lover of my soul.
I am an offspring of Father’s Love whom He sent on earth to rescue me from the hate created by this creature called the devil. Absolute Love that has no self-exalting god want-to-be motives within me, has found there is but One God, and my surrender to His Love is a freedom to find Love of those I have gifts of friendships, family, spouse, and even for myself.