Dancing with my heart, my words, my song, and my love, before my God…

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who
LOVE YOUR NAME may rejoice in you. Psalms 5:11

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Questions - God I Have A Million Of Them

Questions - thoughts turned for learning.  When God says my name, "Charlotte", what is He thinking?  Does He smile, laugh, cry, or shower mercy according to His kindness.  And if all of the above - when, how, why?  

I have learned to be fearless in questioning for it places me in a beautiful position to learn.  I was reading a private message posted to me this morning and wanted to share a heart as anonymous that warms my heart every time I see him or hear from him.  We conversed for some time but I can't find the beginning of our conversation. 

Anonymous: I had to move this to here so we can talk more lol anyways, should a piece of clay worship us because we "created" it into something? Although that in itself is contradictory to your beliefs in that everything was created by God. I also still don't understand when you say we will never understand His love because we are only human, then why devote your life to it?

Charlotte: cool..! Okay. Your first question is devoted out of selfishness and I understand selfishness all too well. :0( but with Love... not the love we actually understand... but pure Love... yes.. it will be natural or designed in the original creation.. or so our hearts seem to seek after. all 'humans' are built in to 'love'... it is just because we are in constant learning of it and have fallen so far from it, we fall to find .. well, that didn't work! Only until total surrender applies do we seem to find pure Love and an inner peace that runs its training through us. Because I am 'created' in His likeness, WHATEVER that is?.. then I am finding that surrender to love 'unselfishly' has become the 'thing' that is growing inside me. I do not understand because I am still in such a baby stage of growing. Something or this pure Love that seems to be growing inside me, assures me that I have eternity to learn and be loved. How in the heck is that understood? I devote my life to it because I STILL have selfishness so dominate in my life. I still  want to think I am responsible or 'good enough' for this crazy extravagant love... but I cannot prove myself to be. I fall short or miss that mark by leaps and bounds. I devote my life to this because it is in me to do so. I am overwhelmed with what it brings... that I LOVE.. what I do not like is the sacrifice it takes to get to that... BUT like all things that are amazingly 'worth' the fight... I fight to get there. It is a Place.. an inner 'mansion' that seems to be prepared for just me. Explain your greatest moment. Yea, can't can you. Explain your most joyous feeling. Bet cha it might sound like someone else's and they will not even 'love' it like you do. This is what goes on in the heart surrendered to God's Love. It is up and down because we, like a child, are learning to walk in it. But wow.. the excitement of a step or two. What next... wooohoooo...!

Anonymous: That expectation or hopefulness of living for eternity in a mansion and having whatever you want after serving in life, just seems to me to be a part of the "religion" that is corrupt as you refer to it. It seems, like Muslims believe they get 40 virgins or whatever, that it is just a ploy to gain followers based off of fear of an afterlife full of pain for not following. I feel as if there were a God that is perfect in every way, he would not have the human emotion such as envy or greed. He is an entity, not inside a human body but just an energy, a soul if you will, that is all knowing and all powerful, too wise to want praise.

Charlotte: a mansion could very well be a 'state of being'. We are extremely challenged with our vocabulary in making an explanation of a time, event, place, and/or feeling. I say 'i love you' and can mean so many different emotional depths that it would almost be impossible for you to know what all i am saying. Praise, is a love note. I praise my mom and dad for love they have given me. It is a wonderful expression but little is said if my actions do not back that up. I am but a voice speaking a loud noise. BUT to praise my God, who created me so He could Love me... just crazy... absolutely crazy and i want to know this more and more in its depth. Not my words or understanding but His. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING...??? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? WHAT DO I HAVE TO OFFER YOU? This is something that is within me that drives me to know more about love... tell me, tell me more. What I’ve seen is hurtful and painful many times. What i try to mimic is dreadfully short of what something inside tells me is real. God is so soooo wise to know praise is what love is based on. Soooooo learn to praise and you show love. This is something to do with how he sees me. He loved or 'praised' me enough that He sent a man/God to the earth and that man/God raised from the dead. To show me how deep this Love was. Muslims, oh my... if they want to give you 40 virgins... well, sounds like a tremendous joyful time for a moment... but I’m not sure it will fulfill the longing for intimacy that cries for REAL and genuine that we all seem to scream for. Fear of the afterlife is sad... i mean that anyone would use that to manipulate another for their own puny understandings or to be exalted to some level of self-worth. Goodness... what a sad thing to do. It will only cause more fear. Fear does not bring love or contentment.... only self-centeredness to preserve one self. God is an energy... well put... my thoughts anyway. Wow... what an energy but with a purpose and that is to Love. To love me.

Charlotte: I sure enjoyed the conversation and that jab to make me think. More than anything, it causes me to just hear what is in my own heart. What and where am I coming from? Interesting! I was re-reading some this morning and caught your question about God verses envy or greed. Makes me think of how 'jealous' God is. I read from others who have walked seeking God (bible) that He is extremely jealous.... NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME..!!!! That means He is pretty jealous or possibly greedy to want me and for me not to wonder off to others. I wish i could say I have not done so but with my soul in want so much, I have wondered to lift up other 'things' or emotions, and even people above my desire to know God. What it has caused is a shocking unfulfilled heart; this (I wonder if the only way to know this is to experience it??) means I came to find it NOT feeding me AND I LOVE TO BE FED. :0).  We are born hungry souls and so if I’m born hungry then I will continue to feed. God, on the other hand, each time I come to Him I find fulfillment. Some may say He lets them down... I say... you have Him pegged wrong or according to your 'own' selfishness; somehow, pulling from a 'taught' expectation but not from a true full blown 'experience' with Him. His Life causes my life to be satisfied as I continue to seek and find food for my soul. I find in all my running but seeking... He remains with me. I know of NO ONE or NOTHING that has done that sort of thing for me. If you asked, why is God envious or have greed... your explanation is or must be under the assumption it is for 'His' good and not yours... but it is the other way around (like a mother or dad's watch upon a child for safety)...just like He has placed in us when having children. His greed for you is to Love and protect you from our wondering starving souls. Totally to 'save' us as the perfect example of a father or mother!
Have a super day ... i LOVE your search. You've been found my sweet child. He is chasing you with His Love. Fun to watch His Love chase those He creates..!

My thoughts about my opening question... When I seek my God's thoughts, I must take all and who I am to Him.  I can't stop to clean up.  I can't wait till I have my question in some form of 'pretty' state. I must go immediately - as I am.  What does God think when He calls my name.  Well, the Word was God and the Word was with God but laid down His life and came to show me the Father's love. The Word (Jesus) died so that there was no wall between me and Him.  I hear the Father say my name, Charlotte, and with every letter of its sound, He speaks it to pull me into His arms.  For He speaks it with such Love, it moves every created substance to catch my eyes and affection toward Him.  He is endless and my name is etched into this fact.