Where do I begin, Poppa?
Wishin’
I could say I’m coming because I've just got it so together I want to
offer from my abundance. But I am so
empty I wonder if coming to You will fill the void; and everything within me
says this thought is so extravagantly wrong...! How do I get so down that I lose sight You have the answer to every
search upon earth, for every right road You beckon my concept to consider.
I wait upon You with my mind set “see, I told
you, He won’t..!” I cry for it will not disappear
but grows, as I stumble while hand in hand I dance with doubt and deceit. Knowing the picture before me has developed
from the shadow I fear. I assume rather than make my way to see what is
really there. I gasp in terror as I
speak my fears as if they happened yesterday, so today I must make my move from
their truth; yet all alone they scream fear of future, not fear from
past. I talk, I cry, I move with a loud
verdict as I pass my judgment on each situation, convinced my mathematically evaluation
summed with precision.
Then suddenly, with a breath of wind, walls crumble that I built with
steal, and there is absolutely no energy to rebuild.
Crushed and traumatized without my walls, I lay bare.
Love softly nudges but I hardly notice for I
feel destroyed by my own trouble. How, or
what could love do, that can change the color of my sky to be anything but rain
intending to drown, not water. Strength again
fails me and I can only wait while love refuses to give me over to my infectious
wounds. Belly sick, soul nauseated as I
attempt to rise. My heart feels a burn
for it recalls only pain.
Where is your light? Where are
the purposes? Where do I find my heart again? Who am I that I should even ask.
----
There was an explosion but I heard nothing for I was deaf. Love fought, love battled and awakened within what was dull. From the center of my
being, loyal to my despair, I cry…”I’m sorry Lord. I’m so sorry Lord. I let my soul run away with deceit and
loneliness.”
Strange is this place when love is the filter rather than trickery and
loneliness. Strange is the air that with
force unfelt, now brings in pure to patch and mend what was impossible to
restore. Whispers, now notes that gather
to form a new song, start calling my name.
My heart broadens and trust is the acquaintance standing tall to tell me
again sweetness that expands my position. A hand reaches to lift me to view my world
afresh. Examine with a panoramic lens
love gives to any defining moment.
Amazing to see my same situation with a healthy heart instead. Amazing to find the God of Angel Armies in full force, full armor, dressed with power, dressed with purpose. Standing at command from the throne of love, I see eyes engulfed in the beginning of wisdom, "fear the Lord God." Fear that never makes one run, but creates the knowing of who He is.
