Do You Really Want To Waste Your Love On Me

How grateful to know my own love could NEVER exceed God’s love and yet ridiculously how many times I measure God’s love according to how I love another.  For surely God ‘would do’ this or He ‘wouldn't work' this way - completely operating from my own conclusions.

I must remind myself; for I fail desperately in loving those assigned to walk in my path; creation He loves..!

And I do not speak such foolishness to work into some sort of condemning place for mankind but to ponder the wondrous love that reaches so far past my own love or what I have seen and analyzed as love. With great desire I plead to understand more of His ravishing love and allow it to pour upon me, for only then can I give freely.  Each portion of His love that imparts within my heart is potential for abundance to change me and those I wish to love. 

Oh to lift up my soul and experience what it does inside and all around me. 

To humbly cry.  Cry for whatever it takes to wait as love develops, even through my impurities, the cracking crumbling of my hardened heart for His hand to mend. 

Be still oh my soul.  Peace reach to the fallen heart that whines for unhealthy love of mankind and  turn me inside out so that I am open for real love.  With the greatest stretch I look for Hope.  Seeking Hope’s face to hold my arms too often weary. 

Hope, take away the voice inside that wants divine love wrapped up in pretty man made smiles, please; as I scream out of control…don’t forget to mention all I have faithfully called ‘good’. 

But miraculously, even on this edge of insanity, His heart of spotless pure motives, sweep in with precious love rules of unmerited, undeserved grace to cover all my missing marks, with His assortment of perfect discipline.

Deeper and deeper insight walks to pick me up, shows me how ‘I’ am singled out with the dynamics of every cell in my body, this love that proves it will not remove its eyes from me.

Captured by tender thoughts, 

yet while I am being carried 

I caution God, 

“Do you really 

want to waste 

Your love on me?”  

Again I measure my worth according to how I might love even my deepest loves.  Easily I have concluded how one could get along without me. 

It’s as if then I see 

His tears begin to form 

for the loss He feels.  

Now, I've done it…!  But I dare to take a second look, He remains in a stance of waiting.  Somehow I feel He will wait day and night for me. Really, I think? 

Oh God, REALLY, day and night? 

I begin to  see a new picture.  A picture of His son Jesus, there on the cross waiting to die.  Hanging in pain with hope for me.  That "Hope"  I keep looking for, was taken to extreme so I could carry its power in every situation I would cross.  Hope for now, hope for my future, hope for my children, hope for the eternity spoken of for me.  

Hope, precious hope that enters a bride in waiting, as her eyes frantically watch all details to be its best within her creative heart and mind.  

The joy of hope begins to swell as love plants itself within the soil of my heart; maturity to being born again into His kingdom. 

My prayer changes…!  Come, oh Holy One, come and show me more about steps to the arms who longed for me before I was born.  It isn't about me any more, it is about His love.  This heart stopping pain where I cannot believe His love so deep, disappears.  His most precious gift was sent and hope stirs all my senses to hear each plea made for me to be lead to His lap that He might cuddle me in riches and rejoice in His creation of me.  

Hear me sing to the dance of such love, I am Yours…!  This hope is Your Hope in me!