In Surrender Of My Pain

With tears so enormous, Poppa God, I know You have Watched and Carried my pain; for I know I cannot carry the weight that Jesus took for me.  

In surrender of my pain, You have Showered me with Your Presence.  Your Eyes of Compassion invade my sorrow and You place Your Hope as I realize I am of no match for the attack of another’s pain.   

With words I attempt to make open my heart as I dig deep, past the mind, past the soul, past the thoughts of even my brothers and sisters; but within where Your Truth keeps me Safe.  Keeps me in knowledge of Your constant Love and Directions for my next step.  I give You ownership of my heart and find a Song swells as I connect to Heaven upon earth.  The struggles and bites of the enemy Heal as the Worthy One Saves me once again and again and again.  

I can rest in knowing Your Kingdom is expanding within me as I count it Joy to not know but just Trust that the Worth of His Keeping me takes me, delivers me, from harm the enemy intended.   

You are the Worthy One, not me.  

You are the Passionate One, not me.  

You are the Only One; 

I just snuggle up to Your Love and my heart begins to beat faster.  My excitement begins to thrill my countenance in unspeakable notions.  

I would pay millions and millions for such Love but I have none and none is required.  

I do not understand.  

Within me, deep, deep, deep, where lies and deceit have no place, I wonder about in freedom to Play while who You are Dancing in the Rhythm of Music Created by the Radiance coming from Your Existence in me.   Like a child not knowing why she is loved but just playing in her love, I dance with You.  Giggling in Your Safety while outside the storm rages unaware to me.  What a Mystery to search.  

What a Palace You Create for me.  The Jewels upon my heart’s life are surrounding me.  Those who play in this Kingdom, Your Kingdom Working unspeakable Love within them.  Your Shine circles the earth as Your Glory Sings in our hearts among millions.  

Why would not anyone surrender their pain to Your Keeping.  

I understand so little but Listen to You with great Joy.  All You do is for my growth to understand the unknowns of such Love.  

I dance with You joyfully.  

Feelings To Experience The Outline Of Your Face

Creator, the One that Formed us with such Love in Thought, Encircle us today, we Your bride who awake this a.m. with purpose to encounter You for the changing of our present entanglements to Your Mysterious Wind that Carry’s us through.  We let go of our grip to the rails that keep us from moving and say, “Lift us High, lift us to the Place of Heights with You and we will not be afraid.”  

Your Way is the Song our soul sings as You Meet us in our longing.  When our eyes meet Yours, the attention of all other - stops; as questions soar, adjustments of our stand takes us to a different position, our eyes widen as a study begins a focus, muscles in our face take a different form as the yearning increases to Know.  My soul pulls at every other part of my going to make This a Stop, a Pleasure of Life as on a journey to another land with Points of Interest to Delight my Path.  A New Tower to explore as this Wind Picks me up to a Motion of Gaze into Your Beauty.  We Hear Your Love Thoughts as this Wind Sings to us with Highs and Lows of its Melodies, Carrying us to be Near You.  Your Light, Your Countenance be ours as this strong Wind Blows. 

Shine, my Love, Shine with who You are within my life.  Take this place in my heart and make it Your Dwelling, Your Place of Rest as I continue to Encounter the Rise and Fall of open air Soaring.  I extend all my feelings to experience the Outline of Your Face as one blind knowing someone is near; longing to see with their touch so a pattern is formed in their heart of this one before them.  I want to experience the Warmth of this Shine.  I want to experience the Movement of the ground as You Walk Near.  I want to experience the Breeze that Stirs as Your Gaze Beholds and Encircles me with Delight.  I Want to feel what this Love does as You Hold my shoulders and Move them in Your Grip.  What does it feel like to be Lifted upon Your Lap as You Speak and Laugh with me as I know there is only One and this One has Eyes for me.  

I speak Your Name, Jesus, from this Song of yearning so deep within my soul.  Jesus Christ forever is, was, and will be.  This Love Name Given to me as a Ring of Promise upon my finger for the Romance of now and forever.  Given to me to gaze upon as what this means Spews from Your Love each time I glace.  Wonders of Your Majesty enters my soul as I stare.  I am Engaged in Loves Name, Your Name, Jesus.  Your Wind Carry’s me and I experience Your Love forever. 

I extend all my feelings to experience the Outline of Your Face as one blind but deep in love.  Let my love touch You. 

I Live Now And Always Will For All Eternity

God, my Sweet God, You are Exact, 

an Absolute, 

the Turning of my heart Towards Your Eyes; 

oh yes, the Vision my eyes search for. 

You are the Word my soul thirsts meticulously after 

as I sleep in the Comfort of Your Knowing 

and awake in the Same.   

Staying for me, 

Staying who You are for my walk 

to be completed on earth; 

and then into a New Realm 

You are Staying for me 

as I Cross this Place of Immeasurable Beginning.  

For I cannot see Your Beginning and I cannot see Your End.  

I Live Now and always will for all eternity.  

Circled around me Your Mercy, 

as each pouring out of my own life, 

Yours is mine in return.  

As I speak Your Person 

“Holy”, 

in exchange You Push out 

entangled truths that caught my attention 

and caused confusion; 

and This Description now Gives its Greatness 

as it Flows throughout my person to Show Your Glory.  

Residence of what “Holy” is 

begins Your Work.  

Touching the stars is but a Glimpse 

of such Power my minds unknowing knowledge builds 

as I see Your Hand in Place.  

Roaming are the Eyes of Sweetness 

as You Hear me speak Your Person – “Holy”.  

Gathering to Form the Growth of my Capacity 

for Your Spirit to Dwell, 

Finding a Fit as You Hear my love oozing 

as I Soak to Find You.  

Watching with the expectations I am about to experience 

the greatest moment of my life, 

as “Holy” escapes from my lips, 

to throw within the air my celebration 

of Knowledge the Coming of Your Love over me.  

For I know You and yet I do not Know You, 

but This Place of Finding 

and Speaking with heavens host, “Holy” 

has my hands, 

my feet, 

my heart, 

my soul 

Captured to a Place of Forever’s Song about my lips.  

As it Sounds, my eyes see 

the miraculous of fireworks Bursting 

as if to Scatter with Purpose 

so Each Portion of its Substance Falls 

with my name attached 

that will expand Your Knowledge and Love in me.  

So Detailed 

for the Purpose to Bringing me to Your Arms.  

“Holy” I will sing.  

For “Holy” is my God.  

As I speak Your Person, "Holy" 

Create in me a person who loves Holy-ness 

and is forever after Your Heart

as I Live Now and

always will for all eternity.   

It Is Odd To Not Feel Your Own Wants

I love it when it works for me to take special time in the morning to search my heart.  Lay it out before the Lord.  Often I am so unaware of what is going on in this busy mind of mine.  

I began to play on my keyboard and sing

(Singing my prayers seem easier… maybe it is because it’s accepted to repeat words in a song.) 

Such an interesting time with God.  Exposing my issues, good and bad, I could feel as my insides make changes, sort of like cleaned out, as I called out for His Life to Work in me, I admit I am unable to continue as is. 

And then another Miraculous happened.  I was so caught in His Presence.  

I will try to explain.  

It was if a FACE was in this apartment.  Strange to feel just the FACE of God but it was like no other time.  I stopped and felt the awe of such a Majestic Place surrounding me, Taking my words like they were true explanations of who God was. 

I sang in whispers, 'Holy'.  

I sang in cries, 'Holy'. 

I lifted my voice, 'Holy'.

'Holy' is not an adjective but a Noun with a State of Existence of God.  

It was as if when I exhaled, my air was in a Solid Form as Spirit Called an Assembly, and yet it was the Intimacy of just me and the Father.   

As 'Holy' was Placed before the Father, I could sense something happening within me.  

Then Spirit told me that each time God is Declared from our heart in this Knowledge, we become more like Him.  As we say who He is, who He is Grows within us.  I found myself, of course, wanting to Find that Explanation from the fascination of its Reality and speak it over and over and over.  But in doing so, I found it was not a word  that could be repeated as if it held some sort of power I could own, oh no; but was only breathed from something deep within and from a Knowledge that was somehow Given before spoken each time.  

God is Holy or Complete Holiness; no imperfections.  I felt it was not a time to pray as in or for anything or anyone.  I was Stunned within His Presence as my fingers made the melodies across the keyboard and my voice blended in with what my heart was saying.  I knew time was again at what I call 'eternity time' for the distractions of earth have no hold or can play no games on your mind.  I was caught in Spirit Time with the Father.  

As I write and relive this Miraculous, I recall how unattached I was to my life.  It was not that my life had no value, absolutely not, but that the Value of the Father was my total focus.  

It is 'odd' to not feel your own wants or wishes.  

I found that interesting.  I remember wondering if this was how the Trinity were... of constant thought to each of the other's Work while blending their own Work to the same end.  I don't know if I can explain or how well I'm doing at trying.  How can I reach with words to share this Existence of who He is and what my experience of intimacy with the Father was like? 

And then, it changed.  I knew I was to redirect my attention. 

I placed my children before His heart and wept as I touched their soul with Him.  

God was there.  So Real that I knew it was His Strength that would cause us to make it.  Confident and FULL as if I just delighted myself to the riches of my favorite flavors.  How could I ever be the same??  

---

I do not understand how later in the day I again could struggled with emotions of loss, emotions of failure, and emotions of distraught like I did....!  But with excitement and knowledge of who God is...Holy, without imperfections, I reminded myself.... in His Presence is Fullness of Joy and again found Victory.  

How puzzling it is that in the depth of worship, your own life is Strengthened. 

Oh God, Teach me to Live in Your Presence...!!!

My Prayer For 2012

What is it that I want for 2012… Can anyone understand…???? I WANT TO SING “HOLY”, “HOLY”, “HOLY”, “HOLY”, “HOLY”,  “HOLY”, “HOLY”,  with worshipers around His Throne.!!!  

Once, oh God, ONCE, I felt my spirit was There unlike I have ever heard or experienced prior to the year 2011.  Before This Throne - that Sounded worship of ONE WORD - Exploding into so many Meanings.  The sky around This Place was like the thickness of a substance impassable through.  My mind closed down and earthly movement was not clear.  I lost time…. not in the sense that it passed by me without my consciousness of it… no, it was as if the time it started was no different than the time it ended… there was no time…!  From my heart came the Rumbling of His Spirit to set the eyes of my heart upon a Purpose, to live Here; to stay forever in This Place, with this One Word Proclaiming multiplied to thousands of thousands breakdown of Active Creation of Meaning.   No explanation of Satisfaction…. no, NONE!  For could I share on earth what heaven Gives?  Can man accept the Design of God?  Speaking before This Entrance has no entrance of another person with you, it is Intimacy Created.  It was not or is not a division of this piece together with that piece… oh no, it is a Place of no division, but all become one with innumerable Beauty of Activity.  One moment in This Place caused havoc with my journey on earth.  Losing importance prior holding of grip held me captive.  Earth’s riches began to hate me as no longer its riches radiated in my mind.  A New Light had Burnt me and I had only a desire for This Taste within my heart.  My speech began to change for I no longer had the mind prior to This Moment.  This Place did not have a face but Energy that Melts unknowns into Knowns my mind could not articulate.  The Ultimate, as now there is no other place.  Now there is nothing else to want except to return.

This year, 2012, I prepare with surrender to this Fascination.  For I hear the Sounds of His Rhythm and it causes me to dance with Abandonment as heaven’s Heart Beat Gives me MORE…!  I SING “HOLY” as a Description Created in heaven as the Sound of its enormous boundless Word it was Given to me to Sing…!!!!  Day and night Flowing in His Current as I sing...!  Worth, oh He is Worth all.