Guilty Of Wanting Others To Be God To Me

Thoughts:

I am broken this morning.  Broken with thoughts that I want to face and not hide.  Places where correction is my only hope.  I am so guilty of wanting others to be ‘God’ to me.  By that I mean I have searched to be loved and even went into denial when it was not there to prove to myself they love me like God loves me.  I was so ignorant and silly to do so.  I was walking in darkness, looking for God and all His promises to be filled but I looked to find it in others as much or more than I looked to find it within, where He is and lives.  

Without knowing or having a spiritual understanding, I felt my worth dissolving time and time again by my actions, their actions, my falling, their failing, my right standing, their right standing, my successes, their successes and YES, my failure and their failures.  I am ‘worth’ or have ‘love’ according to others on earth.  

Oh my my my…! So opposite of His amazing love.  I am learning His love, finding it MUST start by knowing His Love exist and that I was made for that to be poured upon. NOT to understand but know it by allowing this bazaar truth work in me.  We are His Passion and His great work.  He sat back on the seventh day and said “IT IS GOOD.”  When God repented of making mankind, I do not understand it but that statement is all about HIM…. NOT ME..!!!!!  He declared something I don’t understand about HIS WORK…!  Wow…!  

But He went another direction, I somehow believe so that in and by eternity we will be forever knowing His love BY HIS WORK IN US.  For He loves His work and thought of me before He went to action to separate the dark from the light or water from land… on and on.  Designing his role and the plan to bring ALL things into order as He continues to oversee His eternity.  Without understanding I say in folly as a child, I am loved in extreme for this a child believes and cries from the beginning to be loved.  He created that and said… ‘Don’t lose that..!  unless you remain as a child, you’ll not see my kingdom’  My thoughts….I will walk in His love and discipline but I will never know it unless I’m a child. I will slip right through my life without knowing I am so loved He sent His Son to insure my place with Trinity, unless I remain as His child.  

To see His kingdom is to live like a child under the magnificent Poppa of Three.  Saying and being ugly at times and I cry and weep I’m sorry.  Get up and find forgiveness by God, not always by others… this I must just show and give what I’ve received.  To be silly and adventurous at times, going too far until I am cautioned back.  On and on the ways of a child knowing they have a momma and daddy that loves, spanks from love, guides by love..etc etc… to be named after Their Name and live in that kingdom (Place – His Name).

Oh my, I easily see others as His pride and joy for I am the same.  When I discover that my worth is beyond my own debt to pay, I MUST live with that.  I can’t pay it.  Ouch.  But this is what He set as His creation and even warned me to know that He set governments upon nations… this is HIS creation.  I love the story in Daniel 3, I believe (I need to look it up) opps, it’s Daniel 5… MSG BIBLE

^18-21 “Listen, O king! The High God gave your father Nebuchadnezzar a great kingdom and a glorious reputation. Because God made him so famous, people from everywhere, whatever their race, color, and creed, were totally intimidated by him. He killed or spared people on whim. He promoted or humiliated people capriciously. He developed a big head and a hard spirit. Then God knocked him off his high horse and stripped him of his fame. He was thrown out of human company, lost his mind, and lived like a wild animal. He ate grass like an ox and was soaked by heaven’s dew until he learned his lesson: that the High God rules human kingdoms and puts anyone he wants in charge.

^22-23 “You are his son and have known all this, yet you’re as arrogant as he ever was. Look at you, setting yourself up in competition against the Master of heaven! You had the sacred chalices from his Temple brought into your drunken party so that you and your nobles, your wives and your concubines, could drink from them. You used the sacred chalices to toast your gods of silver and gold, bronze and iron, wood and stone—blind, deaf, and imbecile gods. But you treat with contempt the living God who holds your entire life from birth to death in his hand.

Wow, God is so good..!!!!  until he learned his lesson. I am His and treasured by His love in such desperate ways, I cannot comprehend.  He holds my life and I want to never take my life back again to find ‘I’ am something of my own.  No, I am His work and His affection is mine to enjoy.  Trusting His work, leaning to His answer for all things…!  

I believe this is my ‘lesson’ right now…. Don’t desire others to be God to you…. The God is the only God.  He loves unconditionally and is working His work in His creation. Do not measure yourself among yourselves, do not judge nor set sentences upon His work (Spirit’s love).  No one, me included, can be God – we are His subject of affection and He loves His work.   

Sure sometimes I wish I were the hand rather than the butt… :0) but I repent and say… to You Poppa, I give my butt…!!!!  And He loves me as a butt…!!!

Thoughts.... fascinating!