I just had to write about what happened this morning. I surrender to the possibilities of being on or off about this. I simply write from my experience and from love flowing so sweetly to myself and my mom alone in a room... or maybe not. She has dementia but she has always known the Lord as personal and the answer to all problems.
Watching my mom today and I enter a different world than my own. My world is blemished with sorrow from expected acts centered around me and for me, but mom's... well, hers has entered into a quiet wait. Waiting most of her minutes for and with only what is happening now.
Watching with a stare that creates in me such a deep desire to go to this place of content, where there is no temptation to look aside. A mighty Sound that pulls her full attention to just watch. Looking up with such a carefree escape to watch this move of space held for her viewing only.
I can't help but come closer myself. She has the look of an angel. I dare the entrance with her as I ask, "Mom, I would love to see what you see!" She continues to fix her eyes on something above. I believe I am with her, for she appears to feel safe, but I am not her focus. She has the Greater.
I watch her eyes gently make slight moves, but very slight. Only as if to catch the ride of this visual. I find contentment in just taking moments of glances her way. In my time, about 15 minutes pass and she somewhat clears her throat. Out comes, "ahh, babies!" I move from my comfort and come close to her. "Are you seeing babies, mom?" Without being distracted by me or giving me her focus she says, "Yeah!"
And so there it was; I wanted to see what she sees. My heart began to immediately think and visualize my own little baby world. So precious, so needful of a watchful eye. Wandering in an open play with each other as the exploring mind will taste and feel its surroundings with such a delight. Experiencing sour and sweet, but experiencing.
I wanted to capture what was supernatural. For to feast and renew the mind now, is the later extreme blessing Poppa God gave us, when He told us to renew the mind; for it harbors distraction of this world but He is providing a Kingdom where Heaven is on earth.
I got my camera. My focus was upon her face, so beautiful, so in that glow. Then I followed to extend where her eyes gave directions. There was a light. The same light we turn on and off daily but through this visual aid called phone camera, I saw a different glow. I immediately dismissed this phenomenon and just as quickly knew it was a spectacular look into what she might be seeing.
There were millions and millions of sparkled light specks. They sort of all blended in to form a light glow and yet I was amazed at their individuality. Some would dip slightly while others just floated in place. What was this? Where are the babies? Is this heavenly babies? I only knew to enjoy the moment.
I watched the video and was elated at what I saw. I had to show my sisters. I had to share a moment of what mom might be experiencing beyond our understanding but within a delicate image of God's Glory. I sent it through Messages. I then watched it.... oh no. It wasn't the same? What is different? Too small, too deluded. I know, I will put it on Face Book where Chris, my sister, said a prayer for miracles today. Asked that we know what mom is saying by way of miracle.
I downloaded it with excitement. Then I watched it. Again, it was different. As I began to study the video, I realized the difference, I had a spark of Moses moment where I saw the glory, it was now gone. The glow was no longer a visual.
No sparks, no floaters, no longer in that moment. But the life it brought was or can only be explained by my heart from my heart. I walked into a prayer this morning. I saw a prayer form into a substance. I entered this unknown. I truly can say I don't understand. I am free to hear the Sound of His Name, Jesus! A Sound was not heard... and yet a Sound was power on earth.
Chris' prayer from the heart of God's love in her...
I pray our day will be blessed with the presence of our Heavenly Father. We miss our dad and the conversations we all had that would make us laugh or make us think. We miss his encouragement over taking care of mom, how he showed us to be consistent in showing up and "be there" even when we are hurting.
God we need you to help mom to help us know how we can be of service to her, when she can't talk it out to us, Father God please talk for her, in our mind.
Miracles are your desire for us, we play them down, almost forgetting you are still a God of Miracles. Today, we will be bold and ask for miracles of knowledge as we walk this path we are in, guide us with strength that only comes from upon high, in Jesus name we pray!
I love you so so so much Lord. Thank You for the gift of Salvation that you have filled our life with ...