Hanging Over a Cliff With Threads Holding My Safety

December 6, 2011

Things get worse?  Looking at life on earth it doesn’t appear that it will get better.  I’m just asking. Can I not stay in one place?  I am so rattled and find myself thinking, 'This is a God thing?'  I can’t hold myself together… this was already proven and Jesus was sent. 

Father, I am Your child.  I sleep tonight with that tied to my heart where NO MAN can go.  It is my Name, my Seal of eternity now and then.  I feel like I’m hanging over a cliff with threads holding my safety.  This sort of makes me know I must be secured with the largest of cables… I don’t know.  Looking back I can always see more than my screams wanted, I got victory because You Life had thousands of angels fighting for me.  I am weak of body but I am not even bent with unsure trust.  I just know that my mind is pleading for understanding and assurance. 

December 7, 2011

I woke this morning so puzzled.  The Peace in my heart was actually puzzling…!  I had slept all night without a single stir.  I wasn’t sure even how to respond to it but then I read my thoughts last night before I went to bed and find His Love was Fighting… angry for me… sending His Host to pull off the racket that troubles my soul.  I reread…I sleep tonight with that tied to my heart where NO MAN can go.  This is tremendously an Anchor to my heart.  I only know to sigh WOW. 

I am encouraged now to truly search my heart and allow God, who is Big Enough, handle the troubling mind that took place… I will continue with boldness of KNOWING His Love is BIG ENOUGH.

Father, please take joy and not sorrow in what I am about to say.  That is my heart… not to cause You sorrow and yet if I trap myself to that sort of thought, I am a slave to ignorance.  My weakness trips me from knowing how to pick myself up.  Something inside cries that it is easier to stay on the floor; stay down where I can’t be thrown down for I am already there.  Who I think I am often keeps me in denial and in true blindness.  I’m always asking the wrong questions.  I want to awake and ask the questions that will cause my eyes and heart to see clearly Your Review.  When my eyes are truly opened, I will not even be recognizable by others.  That is okay, I am ready to rid myself of the picture I try to show.  Rejection from my Gift is so confusing.  If a Gift is Given, I guess I thought it would be mine to grow with.  Did I treat the Gift wrong?  Did I not serve my Gift?  I have not understood.  I have read in John… ‘If you are really blind, you would be blameless.’  I’m I blind that I am not really blind?  Did a sheep stealer steal my Gift?  Was I not looking?  Did money draw my Gift away?   Are rocks being thrown at me for Trusting You?  I am Yours, Your daughter.  The same… You with me, You in me, You my Completeness.  But death knocked on Gift’s door and it cried it was done, finished with being my Gift.  Is this for Your Glory.  Are You allowing death to be in Gift’s heart for time to Show the Magnificence of Your Glory?  Should I take a nap, Rest while I wait?  Death has begun to stink and I want to attack Your Choice to allow stink to move in.  I Trust You and I’m running… running,… running… running!!!  I have my eyes Fixed upon You as I have seen Your Work so vividly Wondrous.  I’m removing the stone that hides my pain.  Do what is needed to cause me to Believe with Higher Amazements.  Bring Life back to Gift so a whole nation can be gathered under You in this Life.  Questions are asked because Answer is needed.  Fragrance will be sacrificed as souls see the Kingdom.  Children, men and women will place hearts before Your Steps because of eye witness account of seeing the seed buried to reproduce Your Life.  Recklessly Service will be displayed as the Voice of Your Glory is Lifted up.  Forever Light will be lifted up as this Light Dwells within.  Heal the blindness.  I am not afraid to be kicked out.  I want Your Acceptance, not the acceptance of man.  I do NOT refuse to take in You.  I Command the Father’s Heart as Truth so I will be a part of what Father is doing.  Your Pattern of Service is mine.  I wash the feet of Gift.  I receive who I am, to Reveal Your Glory.  Forgive me for asking WHERE ARE YOU GOING as if I don’t have Trust.  I’ve been with You and Your Words are in me.  My Work is to take others to the Father as Your Glory is Shown.  ALWAYS Truth is staying with me.  Alive is my Reward for keeping Your Commandments.  Friend, Remind me, those things that bring Conformation.  Remind me again that the enemy that steals has no hold on me because of Your Truth.  I am inseparable because I am Home in Your Love.  Your Joy is my Joy.  My life is on the line for Gift.  You have Chosen me as a Fruit Bearer.  I don’t want to be loved by the world, I want Your Love.  God Signs are such a delight of my eyes.  Confirmation of all This is explicit.   Friend is here, within me, exposing the error of sin.  Righteousness comes from Above.  Trial and Conviction is our Salvation.  Guiding me to all Truths to make sense about all that happens.  It will Honor Father with Great Joy like a river overflowing.  It is sad when the world throws a party, but Joy that cannot be robbed is from the Asking of Father His Truth.  God, oh God, I fall Deeply in Peace for You have Conquered the world and it’s anger towards me.  To every DETAIL… EVERY DETAIL of Your Work, COMPLETE in me.  The Message is Your Life on Display in me.   Your Watch over me is without fault.  I join Your Word and the enemy has no hold.  I believe in You so that I become one in mind with You, to Show Father that You and I are exactly as Spoken.  I drink The Cup Given me and follow Your Love.  Your Teachings is Above.  I am one of Your disciples.  I died according to Your Rule so that I Live in Your Kingdom.  You are not guilty of any crime, ever!  You are my King.  I am Your Garden that Your Love was buried in to.  I hold all that Your Death was about and also the Resurrection of that Death which Conquered all sorrow and pain.  Death and Resurrection Ascended to Father so that my spirit has Life Eternal and Life Abundant here upon the earth!  I received Friend within my Garden to Guide my eyes and heart to all Your Truths.  I throw my nets overboard to pull in more Truths then I can contain.  Then I eat and count my Blessings with great Joy.  Alive, I see You Alive in me.  I love You and carry Your Word and Work.   To my own earthly death, I follow You.  Writing down so much Love, like a Honeymoon never written.  I wear Your Love as my story…! 

Be Angry ... ?

“Be angry, and do not sin” Eph 4:26 (MSG)

Anger is a very difficult emotion that makes yourself, as well as, others often uncomfortable.  Coming home from my parent’s home the other day I had a very interesting conversation with the unquestionable Love of my life so Real within my heart.  So intriguing was the conversation I decided to write it out.  Pondering this act so disturbing, I hardly had the thought before me when a Strong inner Response came Clearly, “Anger is a CLOSE Step towards Me.”  This really threw me, and without understanding I just wrote it down.   The Statement hardly formed a correct sentence to me, let alone making sense.  Then, as I saw the Statement before me, I could see Anger almost like it was a person or substance and it was walking towards God.  Very interesting, I thought.  Then I heard Teacher say “True Anger is your weapon against satan.  Without it you are nothing.  Ohhh, now this began to make more sense as I thought of much Anger towards the devil and how necessary it is to speak against wrong (the enemy’s way).  Teacher says, “Never smile at the enemy, NEVER EVER.”  The Statement seemed so hoarse, yet I could hear Teacher’s matter-of-fact stern Word accompanying the Warmth of His Breath, but with such a no-wavering directive.  I could feel the breaking of my own thoughts beginning to catch sight of anger in a New Concept as I struggled to evaluate Anger as a positive, and not the negative taught so strongly.  Experiencing rejection to a critical position, Anger said to be my fall, I am most curious to hear more. 

I reflected on how Anger has taken me to an edge that gave Might to weakness, Courage to fear, Surrender to what is Right rather than what is wrong.  I began to be inspired… without Anger, how could change be made?  As life hands you wrong, do we get angry?  Do I “BE ANGRY”…?  Frightfully, I began to consider what I had lost because of Anger… have I lost it forever?  I was rejected, abandoned for standing and becoming ‘Angry’ to something destroying two lives. Do I bow under and say it was wrong to be angry about that?

I began to have more questions as I thought of the scripture that reads…

Matthew 5:44 (MSG)
But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.

I argued the point in my thinking… doesn’t this mean to NOT be Angry… just love, pray, etc your enemy. 

But then the Beauty of His Loving Heart comes to Give…. Teacher says, “NEVER mistake a soul from the enemy whose complete purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy you.”  From this I could see again like a division of a person.  Like each person was two… their soul which God puts a Great Mighty Price upon and Loves, and the enemy that speaks to this soul.  I could see the soul of man as God’s Treasure, but the enemy of that soul was indeed the enemy to all and you should NEVER smile at the enemy. 

Teacher says, “Anger is not what some think.”  I wrote this down and then waited for I did not know what was going to be told, only what I had thought in the past.  I waited to hear New.  Teacher says, “A better way to think of Anger is disagreement.  Jesus/God/Holy Spirit are always 100% in DIS-agreement with the devil.  Even when he speaks my Truth, his intensions are in disagreement with My Heart.”  I really liked the simple understanding of disagreement as an Anger explanation.  I wondered then about the scripture…

Eph 4:26 (MSG)

“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

I pondered the thought… doesn’t that scripture read ‘BE ANGRY’…. Hummmm ‘BE ANGRY’..!!! ???  Wanted to look it up to make sure.  Then I wondered… so then how do you NOT SIN????  What does that mean? 

Teacher says, “When your disagreement (anger) becomes lined up and in the same intension as the devil – then you’ve slipped over into sin while being angry / disapprove.”  Wow..!  I thought, when my intension are to ‘show them a thing or two’ or ‘get revenge’ or ‘cause harm-not good’, etc… that is SIN.  But Anger itself was a must. I was so amazed as I thought of so many times being Angry against wrong, against another’s wants or souls desire, but NOT sinning… just so Angry at wrong and making that stand.  I knew this would be a great changing in my heart and Strength to better understand Anger.  Not to allow wrong intrude and say it has rights to my heart.

Teacher continues to say, “Real anger will cause a soul to want changes and push for it.  That is My anger, it pushes for Right. That is why the scripture  - child against parent, etc., disapprovement (anger) will cause a heart to run to me.  I Am the Truth.”

I remembered only slightly this scripture and looked it up when I got home.  I’ve written out this amazing scripture…

Matthew 10:34-39 (MSG)

Christ Brings Division

  
“Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

I could see how anger/disagreement comes between family members and/or friends and this could cause friction but if open to receive the True Discipline of God, each could watch for the enemy’s tricks to deceive and bring death FOR each other, not against each other.  “Anger is a CLOSE Step towards Me.” 

I Could Run At Times Like This

Poppa, I could run at times like this –

times when the heart shatters,

replaced by items of many earthly trinkets,

lost and tossed aside for its abundance. 

But Poppa, where would I run? 

Your Sweetness just follows

extra close for adjustments

to create within my mind

my need. 

Like a hunger pain

that sounds

for my best interest to react. 

Needs…

my needs

that lift my eyes

to Your Face of Passion;

taking my life to Beautiful

as You Show me

I am of more importance

than what pushed my heart

into crashing. 

I am here in the Waiting,

not running,

but in this moment

where I See Your Ways are Wise. 

Your Arms Reach to my heart

to Assure I am worth

more than a million treasures,

and never could a mass be high enough

to cause You to look aside my heart. 

Though tears form

and I don’t understand Your Ways,

You Hold all my pieces

and I am confident

the Assembly of New

is my reward

at the end of each day. 

I stand still,

I watch ,

I smile as Pure Love

Gave up the Center of it all for me.    

Victorious Over the Enemy's Scheme to be Praised

NJesusN
 if all the kingdoms of this world were handed to You,

Ohhh… but it was,

yet You refused to bow and worship

to accept the world from the hands of the enemy.

idididid

 

Jesus, it was Yours
before You came (?)

but You wanted more...
You wanted it to be mine    n

So tempted (tested and tried),

You were led into the wilderness
 to reveal God’s Heart for me. 

Jesus,

the enemy had amazing kingdoms;

he showed You their splendor, yet you turned them ALL down

to Save me

To bring me to a Place with Father

for eternal Life. 

You gave everything! 

You were weakened by hunger and thirst,

not tending to Your own needs but only where Spirit would lead;

knowing You were the Son of God

yet refusing to test God as if God could be tested by man. 

this AMAZES me

Moving hour after hour, minute by minute,

to speak only the Words that would show me Father’s Heart

for my soul to keep. 

Victorious
over the enemy’s scheme

to be praised by the Son of God...! 
 

I, now child of the Most High God, speak with this Victory You Provided

I will NOT praise the enemy

nor accept any kingdom or game he has to offer;

but rejoice in all things that are God’s Promises to me,

For I am Wrapped in Your Glory,
I wear the title of His daughter.
His Kisses are upon my forehead,
His Heart Holds my heart with Gladness.

I joyfully follow Spirit’s Lead  

and Sing among the worshippers

assigned to Color the Air that make up His Kingdom. 
My eyes are only for Him
for what a great Price of Love. 

I give complete abandonment of heart

not after my own needs

but to this Name
Spoken
and Given

for Protection and Life in eternity for me,

Your Name,

Jesus (((((HUGS))))). 

Yes, Your Name,

Your Gift of I Am over me. 

I worship You only, for You are my Lord to the end. 

You have Set Your Love upon me.

Matthew 4:8-11 (The Message)

    ⁸Again, the devil took Him up on a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and the glory (the splendor, magnificence, preeminence, and excellence) of them.

    ⁹And he said to Him, These things, all taken together, I will give You, if You will prostrate Yourself before me and do homage and worship me.

    ¹⁰Then Jesus said to him, Begone, Satan! For it has been written, You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him alone shall you serve.

    ¹¹Then the devil departed from Him, and behold, angels came and ministered to Him.

Prayer Room Door Of My Mom

“Oh God”, (sniff, sniff) “save Charlotte.”  “God, save her soul”, my mother would cry and plead behind doors I was forbidden to pass unless there was an emergency. 

With this memory, I can hear her voice so clear I could almost tell you every pitch of her groans, every rise and drop of its sound; every tone of agony it seemed to give her.  Even as this mystery is recalled and the eyes of my past speak, I can hear her voice break and crack like I’m listening for the first time again. 

 For it seems only moments ago I was there; I travel so easily to these events sealed safe as tightly saved treasures, so rare there is no price tag to its power that lives today.  Only moments ago, between being a child running free, to an adult with great grandchildren myself, I passed by this prayer room door on my way to my own playground of pleasures and this sound broke though my world like an explosion of fear difficult to explain. 

The weeping of a heart has a sound like no other, piercing the hardest of souls. My emotions would take all control and my curiosity was my new leader as my name, “Charlotte” was spoken. 

Sometimes in an attempt to hear my mom clearer, I would desperately work at pressing my ear hard against the small keyhole below the door knob as I circled and searched to place the center of my ear at the best possible location for sound from the forbidden room. 

Or, if it became obvious I was not going to hear, I would peer through the key hole so that I might catch a glimpse of how one appears while in such agony. 

 If these attempts still left me unable to fulfill my curiosity, I might lie on the floor trying to maneuver my sight under the door sill for this possible visual. 

But whatever mission I had previously been on, it was just no longer of any meaning to explore until I had exhausted all tries to hear and make more sense of mom’s cry.  

I just couldn’t pull away from why all the torture I seemed to be putting her in.  

What love spoken through the cry of a mother...!

If I recall my mother's prayers with such vividness, and I do... how much more has the heavenly Father heard and remembered our prayer cries for those we love.

Amazing..! 

My Name

What could be one of

THE.  MOST.  AWESOME.  THINGS.

you can think of? 

Think about this with me.

Last weekend I realized something that has given me a new appreciation of worship I could offer to Father, Son and Spirit. 
Something of myself that would honor this Trinity with what I find so treasured. 
Here is how it happened.

I was called ‘Nana’..!

Pretty simple huh…!

But here is the depth of something so awesome. 

Each grandchild that called me this common name, used all over the world, never had a single thought that possibly I was not Nana; Nana was my name and position and I was treasured.  They spoke it with confidence and almost with no thought processing going on at all, ‘Nana…!’ 

Ahhhh, here is the reality...this name sounds much more like a song to me
than just a title. 

It catches my attention and all my affections are redirected - from what I was doing to their heart. It didn’t matter what the next few words were going to be, I was totally captured by their desire to speak to me.

I was also called,

mom by my sons,

'mom' she says...a special jewel my daughter in law,

and even a precious ex-daughter in law - ;i love you momma'. 

Oh my… my title, who I am, spoken without processing. 

I was so overwhelmed with JOY

this ‘song’

they put behind their voice,

to catch me eye to eye.

THEN

My mom calls me 'baby'

I was kissed by both my mom and dad.  Hugged by sisters and brothers who spoke from the heart, ‘I love you sissy!’ 

 All the titles of who I am to them - without doubt I am. 

My names…
yes,love that melts division,
directed to me with complete confidence of place.
Spoken to catch attention of a busy mind
to ‘theirs’. 

 

---

So I have a new passion, a new worship I offer Father, my Heavenly Father. I speak His Name in reference of conversation to Him, under His Amazing Name, He who is in my life without doubt, without processing. 
With love I give my voice this same song to Him,
His Name so Sweet I call.

Exactly who He is! 

How He hears my voice

as Song

when I simply say His Name I love. 

Gift To Me From God No $$ Can Buy

A Gift To Me From God No $$ Can Buy

Delivered Through My Sister, Roberta

My heart is singing today for you!  I am seeing someone who is mighty in the land and yet doesn't know it yet!  Oh how I love you, Sister!!  Yes, I am crying WITH you.  My heart is breaking WITH you.  I feel like the burden you carry is partly on my shoulders.  I'm not complaining though, because it is God's love that pours in me, to pour out of me. 

My Sister's Prayer

Father, Our God who carries us through these times; Your mighty works You do are being manifested in us on a continual basis.  Those who know us and hear us cannot possibly NOT understand that it is You who lives and breathes through US!  Oh how marvelous are Your ways!!  We are humbled before You today, as we see Your handiwork among us.  Today is the day You work.  Today is the day of rejoicing.  Just because You are the Master of today!  Strength, courage, vigor, force...they are in our hand, in our footsteps, in our hearts.  Doom, gloom, despair and agony are me are the words to a song that I WILL NOT SING!!!!  For WHO holds me, none other than the Author of the stars!!!  Every single star is singing praise to You because THEY know what I don't... just who holds THEIR tomorrow!!  THEY know that if their last shine was tonight, and they fall to their place of destiny tonight, that they will be richly rewarded for their obedience to The Almighty!  Even the stars are rewarded!!! Yes Lord, You have not left one rock, one blade of grass unrewarded for their obedience to You!  Yet YOU created US in YOUR image, so that WE could sing out the songs of praise to You alone!!  So we could REFLECT an image of YOU!!!  How can we who are constantly struggling reflect One who NEVER struggles???  Yet we do just that, because in it all, the more we fall, the Higher Your Majesty appears!  Like all who fall on their faces so the Queen will be the only one standing!  Oh yes, today is Your day.  Yesterday was Your day.  Tomorrow is Your day.  And how we rejoice to know that they are not ours!!!!  We would struggle in them on our own.  But in You we rejoice in them!!!  What do YOU, the One in whom EVERYTHING points to, have for us individually JUST today???  Oh my, we can only assume to know!!!!!!!!!!!  I am anticipating the newness I will see.  I am excited to be near You.  I am saying, let me be ANYWHERE, but let it be WITH YOU!!!  Oh I count my days as one more reason to rejoice!  One more reason.  I have so many!  But You alone, ONLY YOU, are MY reason to sing!!!!  I don't sing for the relationships of this world.  They are pleasures, but in You, they pale so shallow!!  The fog between You and them is thick because You are so vivid, You are so ... faultless.  Let today be ORDERED by You.  I am Yours... order my day and DEMAND that nothing gets in the way of it's perfection!!!  Let it be as a plate of perfect pancakes from the most perfect place!  Send it back if it is not perfect as YOU expect!!  For my day is Yours.  I've given today to You, because You own it.  As I sit or stand, or kneel or walk, or run or leap or fall..... take my hand in Yours and let us dance it TOGETHER.  Seek my heart for hidden treasures today, that YOU TOO will be rejoicing in ME!!  Let me give back some of what You give to me!  Oh how I hope to please You!  My love overflows towards You!  I don't want to move from Your presence.  But today is Yours, so I move as You will it.  One foot before the other, I move, as though moving TOWARDS You!  If I see my day as moving TOWARDS You, then I will not dread my day.  I will not refuse to walk.  I will not go with my head down or my heart anything but full of the Love that You placed there for You.  Father, take my sister's hand today and as she is reminded of where she is, all the dreams and hopes that have been crushed and powdered and are only bits and fragments of what might have been had her plan worked, open up her eyes to see that NOW You, The Master architect, can perform the greatest masterpiece that You set out to make in HER!  Oh God, You are not busy giving MAN favor so that MAN can run around being praised!  You are busy giving MAN favor so that MAN will SEE YOU in the handiwork of Your fingers!  Wow, I see that clay being formed and each of us has so much to give back!  Look at the Potter's work!  Look at the Architect's work!!!  Isn't it amazing?  Isn't it awesome?  Isn't it beyond imagination??!!  Oh how much bigger it is than what our barely open eyes see!!!  Rub our eyes to enlarge them today so that as this day goes forth, we see something brand new we've never seen before... a new part of You.  Knowing in part is scary, Father.  It's a really scary place to be.  GROW us UP.  Let all our armor be in place and ready for THIS battle!  And Father, as a sister, I ask this favor of You because I know You have been very busy doing favors for me... Will You love my sister today like I can't?  Will You take ALL that You have given me to give to her, and ADD to THAT and give her what I can't?  I know that You will.  I have no doubt that You will.  I've seen You do this for me before, without my even asking!  But today, as You are especially fond of THIS one, let Your work be mighty in her and Your love be even more REVEALED.  I realize You can't love her any more than You already do.  You love her enough to die.  I don't.  But You do.  Change ME to love her that much too!!!  Remove my blinders of self-love and replace it with sacrificial love as You know so well how to do.  I know, I know, I realize that  Lord, it means I will suffer as You have suffered.  So be it.  If it will change me to see YOU better, then I am willing, even waiting!!!!  For THIS earth, as beautiful and great as it is, has such a paleness to it when I consider You.  It's colors have a film over them.  Yours are so vivid and real!  I want to pray for my sister, but I keep coming back to praising You instead!  This is how the colors of this world pale in comparison to You.  Let our day today reflect ALL it is meant to be.  And then let us be satisfied that it was.     In Jesus Holy and Precious name, Thy Son, My Brother.  Amen.

 

I am loved beyond my imagination...!