Where I Touch Another Experience

Father, I see You sweetly turn to me 

like I just created a new song for You 

and I simply called for You.  

I want to bless You 

but I get so caught up in Your heart 

that tunes me in so close.  

I don’t have a real good reason for coming today, 

just that I want to talk,

 listen; 

and well, just get a glimpse 

of what I have learned 

to be so plentiful when coming.  

Breathing hangs up on a thought 

and I hold it 

as tears push their demand to shows sensation.   

I want to examine this place 

like it was a scientific fact 

that needs a written documented certification.  

For Your pledge is to come 

and I await 

as Your sounds carry the unveiling of beyond, 

further and further; 

sinking into the Son who 

came, went, and returns.  

Leaving us with life to learn, 

life to experience as He did with You, 

before the eternal existence 

within heaven’s unexplained open walls 

of boundless love.  

Oh please, my heart cries, 

may I have another look.  

May I touch another appearance 

where the understanding of Your love 

is so powerful, 

it walks upright as if a person like I.  

Falling, I know I will find myself, 

but gently You will raise me back up 

to grow deeper 

than its startling entrance showed me.  

I will give it a special place 

in my diary of Love appearances 

from the most High’s angelic messages to my soul.  

A diamond of the purest cut, 

a house built for a queen, 

outfitted in this earth finest clothing for all times; 

nothing seems to seize my heart 

like a thought of a moment 

with Your power.  

Power that saturates 

and numbs all my earthly senses 

as all my thoughts are mixed up, 

turned over, 

confused like I know nothing.  

Power that swiftly takes me 

into a holy fear as I ponder…. 

Oh, it’s just a matter of time,

 this will be my new song.  

I hang on to the thread 

that everything will be okay 

and when that snaps, 

You have summoned

 the army of heaven’s warriors 

to kill everything in my path 

that hinders my heart to Yours.  

The enemy is slaughtered 

and I am rescued 

to tell of such love 

as satan and his forces 

crawl back to their unfulfilled 

existence without You.

Oh bless the Lord, oh my soul.

For in Your dreams for me

are everlasting Joys,

Where I will touch 

another appearance. 

Where the understanding of Your love 

is so powerful, 

it walks upright 

as if a person like I.   

Temporary Insanity's Love Call

What richness, pondering the many stories of the bible.  Tremendously identifying me as human, following Christ and seeing the Father through the heart Jesus had for Him; now my Father also. The good, bad, and even the ugly of those after God's heart. So overwhelming I often feel I have only tapped into a minor portion of its power to understand and mature as His child. But what about our own daily story?  How does it reveal Father, Son and how His Spirit dwells to speak into our lives.  Did the 'bible' stop with Revelations?  Are we not also being written as our life has a beginning and end upon earth and then travels to this amazing place He has prepared for me?  Is my life small and insignificant as I fight to lean into His Glory, or is it one that shows weakness but Power unrelated to my own abilities, trials and blessings that show His Face.

I saw a bible story the other day in my son's life.  It was most beautiful.  I want to share it.

One of my son's was in his company vehicle that displayed his phone number on the side.  Twice someone called to report his aggressive driving. He received a text but continued to be as careful yet determine to get to a destiny called as soon as his vehicle would take him.  Love had exploded in his heart and absolutely nothing appeared to have power to stop this moving train.

He received a very disturbing call from the school his 12 year old daughter attended while she stood trembling from a near assault by darkness.  I was on my way home from work when I felt I was supposed to call him.  He was on his way to the school.  Hardly able to find words to talk to me, he attempted to tell what he knew so far, as his foot demanded speed from his vehicle.  Locker room, roughed up, threats, attach, chase to capture...words trying to make sense.  Racing in his heart was this 'temporary insanity (he calls it) to hold in his arms a treasure from heaven's gifts to comfort and experience this trauma with her, not after the fact. Every motion in his body ran at top speak to fight for, fight against, fight as love carried her heart back to safety in his arms.  No obstacle was too big, in his mind, that would keep him from tenderness he had to deliver to this pain and confusion he imagined she held.

Tears refuse to hold their emotions as he breaks down from the strain, while love for such a gift as a daughter gives voice to one he knew would understand, the grandmother. Five hours away I am unable to make a physical touch to such pain my arms now needy to hold them both.  As he later gives report of the incident, the police, the teachers responses; as my granddaughter held tight to her daddy, safety in a dark moment. Awakening all through the night, I marveled at how rested I would feel as each time my eyes would look to see the clock.  I would say a prayer for love was totally focused on what might be ahead as charges were made and other school children witnessed her run for life.  But my heart could not be swayed away from such love that pierced his heart.  Unspeakable, unbreakable drive to get from where he was to where she was.  Temporary insanity as he tries to describe this emotion that swelled by the second.

Not until he had her in his arms was he satisfied.

This story, this bible moment shows me also that I'm Father's daughter and no love is deeper than His.  No love is like His, for He gave His Son for me.  Not until he has me in His arms is He satisfied...!  He paid the total price for all my misconduct, my love/hate for others, my self centered world that I claim as mine.  Great bolts of lightening flash as He looks about me when I call upon His Name (kingdom) to save me.  Assignments are made, heavenly weapons are put to flight.  A party was thrown when I said 'yes' to His Life as mine and He reaches at the speed of lightening to rescue and hold me when I am scared and troubled.  Holding me tight as I tremble and tell my story.  Holding me with purpose as I speak my fears so real that I ran and ran and ran.  He holds me and I cry.

This world holds much darkness, and the enemy wants it to destroy our trust to call upon One so Holy.  Someday we will not have this to deal with but growing in His Love, I am discovering that there is always a call I can make, and it shows me I want to forever be in His care. Does this mean I do not have circumstances I face before darkness and run.  I do not think so; for I have experienced much darkness slamming into my world but I have learned that the rescue of Father is great, aggressive in His pursue, but His arms are reaching me with abundance.

Like my granddaughter in distress... I just call and love comes running...!

Holy, Not A Word Born From Boredom

Holy 

Name that shapes 

the fragmented walks of all;

 fitting our steps in time 

to cause the devotion created 

that brings the rays of truth 

a path to purify all hearts 

for the gift of Father.  

Holy 

Name spoken 

and power-driven electrifying order 

stampedes a visual of love,

 that transforms

 speech and sounds to silence fear, 

so eyes are directed 

to the ultimate fountain. 

Holy, 

not a word 

born from boredom,

 but a nature

 of a blessed environment 

where existence of heart changing 

has the sensitivity of being close, 

closer, 

oh so much closer.

 Holy, 

a never ending song 

where its definition continues

 to flourish as it paints 

what we are looking for. 

Holy, 

Holy, 

Holy 

cries the creatures of heaven

 and we echo. 

Holy, 

how it lifts the yearning 

to move deeper, 

for who can stand 

or turn back 

once ears hear 

loyalty to this extreme.

 I am caught in its sound 

and I circle

 in its dance of love around me. 

Holy, 

Crumbling to accept each sip 

from a fountain breathing explanations 

of Holy 

like the heartbeat of impression, 

a glare is made 

to look upon His Face,

 following the ambiance it sets.  

Devotion does not move 

nor sway 

as Holy announces its decree

 of I Am.  

Where Is The Voice Of God

Have you ever asked, "Where is the Voice of God?"  I have people ask me this question.  "I want to hear God but He doesn't speak to me, or I sure don't hear Him." I cringe as I ponder the pain I've often had when I 'cannot hear' the Voice of God in my life. The downfall of my soul as it fails to breath because I am alone.  

But I'm learning, oh how I have become a student of hearing the Voice of God as I crumble to gather my troubled life as an open book.  I have learned to live the denying of Christ that Peter experienced as I see my own embarrassed look of being a Christ follower.  I have learned to live the confusion of Thomas as he demands to 'see' before he will believe.  I have learned to live the plead that Paul begged the Father to remove his thorn in his flesh so comfort would be my pillow at night. 

Mistrusting, finding fault, forgetful of miracles within my own life that would shake me to believe another mighty move would ever again come my way.  I tried all the talk right, look right, moves - and I only got that... I appeared to talk right and I appeared to look right... but something was so lacking in how I really believed all that I was doing.  

Then my world crashed and I lost the jewel that held my heart on earth.  My husband suffered a traumatic brain injury as well as breaking his back and many ribs.  His Ph.D became the vocabulary of confused words in a desperate fight to make sense.  As speech began to form his heart again, regaining so much that was lost, I struggled with this new life.  Pretending I was okay just wasn't working for me any more and I wasn't seeing the healing I wanted.  

I began a search to find real and amazingly found His Voice was speaking all the time... and I do mean ALL THE TIME.  I was not honest with myself so how could I hear honest. 

Now I begin where I am and in that place, I hear His Voice so sweetly, I see His Face as His expression becomes a vision before my eyes and I respond with a language that I attempt to reveal this beautiful picture.    

In most cases, I am not coming with a beautiful song, I am coming with a heavy heart.  I just know now that it's okay...!

.............

I search my heart this morning.  My Lord, to whom I know only from the abundance of Love poured upon me with every step involved that I've taken.  My history, others history; detailed by memory, written upon documents of records here and there, visually seen as You authenticate to confirm Your Name at the beginning and end of each moment.  

Holding my breath as Your own very life, as You number them to bring me to perfect dwelling of Your Voice.  Oh to carry me to such yearning when this Sound takes my attention, be it in the middle of the night or through the day that is scattered with disinterestedness.  

The disengagement of my heart twirls to ride the excursion as Your Voice converts my thoughts to Yours.  A sway of peace takes me by surprise as the disturbance of the world begins to pass me by as if I were no longer a visible residence.  Fighting a current with humankind takes a halt as I discontinue to sojourn in its lodge.  

Peace waves its new from end to end, from first to last; all the way through my being as I listen with my lost heart.  Peace shows me a dance by the guiding of the Voice Love has now plunged to the depths of my no restraints.  

Drawing my heart to be chauffeured as the Voice of Love transports its ambitious dream to be my True Love.  It hurls me into an ocean that drowns all my iniquity that tossed me away from hearing; it throws me into a chuckle of romance.  Giggling as peace enjoys my decision to be one.  

Found, I find again more Love as Your Thoughts feed my soul with conversation that Your Life has me written in the heat of Your Passion.  My response drops with a close connection with disbelief, for such Passion is with such extreme, I find my life too filled with small gods that occupy; how can I fight to open this door?  How can I tear down the awestruck fear of such Passion?  How can I know this is the height of Your Way?  

Your Thunder Sounds, and my heart races as I continue to push for there is no other Voice that lights my fire.  A whisper of Your Voice has power beyond my greatest fight.  I lean in, I incline to ascend to the Call that remains as my questions soar.  Patience throws my heart back into the sway of His Dance.  

Waiting, His Love waits as it melts my questions with vision; I see His Hand wrapping around me as His whole body embraces me with a hug that says, “My wait has the power of substance felt and purpose to hold.”  

I sob, and sob, with tears and emotions that take me to know as I searched my heart this morning; again, my Lord confirms who He is, from the abundance of Love poured upon me, with every step involved that I take.  

I want to stay here.

My Turn

My turn, 

as I run to the rainbow of enchantment

 from this charming love, 

holding me against His cheek 

that calls me by my name, 

as I cuddle for all I can contain.  

Spraying me 

with irresistible clouds of fascination 

I am held by my awestruck entrance 

to this heart for me.  

My turn, 

as I quickly gather 

my juvenile concepts 

of His choosing my heart 

for His adoration, 

and run to this place where lightning strikes 

with force behind bold Eyes 

knowing what He wants.  

Taking up my ridiculous self 

to dare give

 my released hold of false, 

for pure sovereignty of intensity 

that expands and collapses

 weight forming the unseen and seen.   

My turn, 

as I fix my eyes not to turn away,

 that I might die

 as I pull to the edge of eternity 

so I least put my hand 

within a place authority rules.  

For I have a message, 

a "song" that was given by the Son’s win

 in giving all He had for my way.  

Entitled was He, 

for He was the Supreme’s Son 

and rights to my heart was ravished 

as His walk opened heaven’s door 

for a new world (existence) 

be permitted as it pours through me.   

My turn,
as I lift what flows through me,

 love that connects me as one 

with now and forever; 

to let my heart, mind and soul 

declare I have such generous love given 

to give back.  

Filled with so much, 

It's my turn

...

I return with  exhilaration, my song,

“me”.

Faultless Desire Enters My Soul

Poppa God, I am looking at You today with Ah as the Spirit within captures a fresh thought of how life gives me pleasures.  

My mind continues to fight the question of growing closer: the ‘how to’, the ‘what is’; the very yearning of its outcome, when touching into this kingdom that invites as you are.  

The knowledge of who I am too often forbids me to enjoy, as my love-sick heart yearns for exactly what is offered. I watch as another enters and I throw up the fight, “why did they get to go?”  Your kindness pushes me, trips me, tells me something is wrong with You; all the while running to this same acceptance for myself from Your raining streams of love.  

I find all sorts of emotions, right and wrong (?), but always this weightless love that covers me so that I am protected from falling so low You cannot get me up.  My loss has the reward of gratification and I do not seem to comprehend this principle.  

How will I ever fathom this unmerited fondness I find irresistible?  

Water of any other river has mud within its spaces; only the pure River that has touched my taste for perfect will be the vision of my passion.  

Outside I wonder without a jacket and its cold blanket leaves me in a chase to participate with my hearts inquiry.  Where are You?  What is on the menu for my day today?  

Probing into the sound of love that starts with a slight beat of a Heart I hear, as I examine with deep investigation this kingdom I surrender to.  Waves of pure River beat upon my soul with love notes as Your Heart has perfect rhythm.  

I turn my face to look.  
You stir my passion with something I have no words for, for how does one write of Pure?  

Faultless desire enters my soul.  

Your fixation that cannot be hidden from, exposes Your obsession as I see Your Eyes are looking at me.  

Do I run away?  

Do I try to explain?  

Do I give my excuses?  

I twist and turn as the very entity I was in pursuit of is now clear enough that I shrink.  

Why is my first response – “WHAT?”  Why do I lower to think You would have the same selfish reason for gratification of flesh I entertain?  

When will I understand this God of Compassion?  

Heavenly Complexion

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus… 

What a name 

that brings so many emotional thoughts. 

Used by the world,

 misunderstood by so many; 

and yet the Name (kingdom) 

we are saved under. 

Leader, One who has brought love 

of His Father 

to the hearts of creation.  

I can’t help but search 

so many wonders 

about this abundance that has assured me 

it has only my good in mind.  

What was it like, in heaven, 

as eternity before 

was making preparations.  

Existence of what I would call 

the assembly of heavenly complexion.  

The Face of heaven’s harmony…before satan’s fall.  

The harmony of worship 

without disorder; 

but fountains of beauty

 from and to the throne

 that made all to know only fulfillment.  

Music that tunes the entire existence 

into perfect synchronization.  

Air that penetrated 

to customize life for each appearance of God 

to be the structure of decisive beauty

 it was began for.  

Jesus there to dance with emotions 

all momentous non-actuality of time. 

Sharing as worship to Father 

created maintenance of continuation of essentials, 

before time - to time no more.  

Jesus, evidence of God’s love, 

strolling from one miraculous to another; 

wearing the unity of total surrender

 to each rain drop of heaven’s saturation

 lavished upon Him.  

Taking only the position His title role spoke, 

as along side Father and Spirit completed in Him.  

As sounds and movement opened 

by the Voice of Jesus, 

it became time for me.  

I was designed and wanted with great desire.  

Pleasure was had with even the thought of my day.  

War was made to fill all my heart 

with His permeating want 

to be in this same existence

 as one with what I search to understand. 

Oversupplying, 

overwhelming,

 overloading with 

a flooding of love 

that would call me 

to this same partaker of worship, 

as perfectness has its curing effect

 to all my needs created 

to draw me to the source,

 my Father.  

Giving me a moment for thought and decision

 with all its beauty as reward, 

and then celebration sounds aloud

 in the heaven’s from which Jesus began 

as eternity lifts my soul 

to enjoy the house of Father’s Love.  

Forever now to be joined 

in this assembly of heavenly complexion.  

The Face of heaven’s harmony.