Selfish Leftovers

God, I'm heavy with desire for love to be sent, not trampled by my enemy.  

God, I want the takings of Your sweet mercy wrap me with a grip I cannot untie.  

So confused...I feel love, I think love, I even convince myself I speak love, and yet it comes back to me declared a retched wound to whom I send it.  The scream floats before my eyes day and night; weeping they cry, saying I give out only darkness and I have pierced their life with selfish leftovers not even fit to consume. 

Am I alone?  Am I lifeless with death my conversation; is death all I have to give them?  Do I stand in mud and only track dirt into a white room?  Only Your power can clean my feet and love mend and sing us into the softness of joy.  

Take away my cover, take my hiding place where I go to feed on lies, and replace it with whispers that heal letdowns while it strengthens my courage to walk in repentance.  Lead me not into temptation but gather my wayward heart and provide me with instructions to set me preserved for pure love talk only.

Do not let me be deceived and then convinced I am not.  Save me from my own self justified blindness giving me a road to continue into thicker and thicker chains and traps that cripple.  Watch over me before even a sound comes from my lips, to bring it to the fire of Your Spirit, cleansing my motives and my safety net I build for myself, and my selfish rights to find blame.

With Holy Anger, shave off the enemy's division built to separate children in Your kingdom.  Send Holy Fire that frees all captives from the punishment evil meant for destruction.  May I see the light of this Fire and walk in its center without knowing, just trusting.

Unscramble words that twist in the hands of our enemy; and cause the life it is intended to be the power that sets the earth as the bridge we are on, only for the journey of raising the awareness of Your love.

Take me deeper and deeper into real love that sacrifices; and laughs at ten percent gifts in order to keep 90 percent for self consumption.  I want one-hundred percent giving to the call You fill me with and constantly pour in abundance more than I need, to make the gift radically spontaneously frivolous.  

Let me see Your Face, that I send love, first hand, not leftovers. 

He Is My Father

Abba Father, oh how I cry out to You.  Father, all my soul, mind, heart reaches toward You.  Oh how I just want to lay in thought of just who You are, Poppa, my God, the perfect Father, the only One true Father.  To encounter You, to be before You as Your child, You my Poppa.  To take that first glance and see that You are watching.  To see You have had Your eyes upon me as I came.  The tickle Your slight smile reveals as You wait for my first words as I walk up to this thought ... me Yours, You mine.  Knowing You have millions of children and yet it does not keep You from knowing my name, nor keep You from making my life greatly cherished by You.  Knowing Your heart is mushy over me.  Sharing my story, taking picture moments and keeping them as special times. I want to hear this sound, this move, this touch that brings Father and daughter together. I want to find out how it wraps so beautifully around my heart and carries me to desire only to be with my Father.  I want to hear footsteps that my Father makes as You are there before me.  To feel the wind moving as You travel around me, in me, through me.  I reach, with knowledge I am Yours.  I reach as I call Your Name and I dream with earnestness to hear my name called.  Nothing is sweeter than to hear happy when pulled tight to be together.  Can You feel my love pushing, shoving, moving as fast as I can to bring You my thoughts, my heart all consumed with You.  See my eyes slowing moving to see all of You.  To watch Your Hand move toward me. I have been won over and adopted into Your Name sake and I dance with joy.  

With all my soul, mind, heart, I say "Father", as one that receives enormous pleasure in knowing who I am. Yours, chosen with passion to come be Your child. Abba Father, oh how I love You.

Riches Unpacked Except By Praise

Find me today, 

Lord who has the waters 

and land set in place.  

Find me in this place 

waiting for You 

as the sound of alarm bells 

chime in my head 

telling me the slip of my feet 

are reaching the edge 

of a great fall.  

Searching with my arms 

swinging wildly into thin air 

as my mind swears 

nothing is wrong, 

causing the cloud of confusion 

to be my garment.  

Louder becomes the wind 

as I feel the ground vibrating 

as the whistle wants to prove 

its strength will destroy me.  

Fighting with my cry, 

“takeeeee meeee awayyyyyy,” 

as these words 

sing into eternity’s bounce.  

For alone with my self-talk 

I will fall by its heavy weights of pain.  

Why is my soul downcast… 

Oh, but I am asking as I pray.  

For my hope is stayed in Truth 

as it wraps my life in 

riches unpacked except by praise.  

For I set my foot 

within the house built of sand 

unless I am guided 

to the forest 

for the strong building equipment of faith. 

Come and sweep me up; 

and thrust Your love at me 

with remembrance mixed sweetly with hopes.  

I will sing sweet melodies 

because You sing within me.  

Come and tear away 

the thick wall of despair 

that tries to choke me 

with false, fabricated fluff 

to bring deception.  

Come and command as I surrender 

to the certainty of truthfulness 

that anchors my soul to Your heart.  

I am dedicated to Trinity 

with complete promise, and 

I share the desires of want with 

expectations of fire within 

keeping me panting for oneness, 

closeness that makes us 

ultimately free and loved.

Forever I am set upon knowing

the only way is to ask of You.

Forever I am set upon knowing

the only way is to cry to You.

For praise is built from

what appears disasters 

but is salvation 

for eternal LIFE..!

You have my surrender.

For my hope is stayed in Truth 

as it wraps my life in 

riches unpacked except by praise. 

Could Wilderness Be A Beautiful Place

Ever wanted to go to the ‘wilderness’. Let me share with you a new thought about this place that is working in me.  

Adam and Eve lived in a place called the Garden of Eden where they moved about with wild animals.  And the story in Genesis makes it plain that Satan dwelt there as well for from his temptation Eve then Adam caved.  But the beautiful story tells of how Adam 'walked' with God and was honored to name these beasts and call it good.  Somehow I have a hard time thinking Adam was in a tree horrified with terror at the animals before him while giving each one their name.  I see him as God’s helper, touching and being amazed at what was before him, (just a thought but can you see it?).  

When Moses was in the ‘wilderness’ they had amazing provision and miracles we often fail to notice because we honor the bad somewhat like the media does today.  Can you imagine waking to have your own agenda and not being forced to make bricks.  Playing with your children, going to see grandpa instead of being whipped for looking off from duty assigned.  Sharing stories and recalling what was just over the trees afar.

So here is what really gets me… !  In Mark 1:12 & 13 (NIV) it speaks of how Jesus was taken to the wilderness for 40 days and night (Moses had 40 years in wilderness).  Satan tempted or had conversation with Him and this I have often been taught about. 

But what I was unaware of was where each translation and paraphrase I can find speaks of how Jesus was WITH the WILD animals, AND the angels ministered or attended to Him.  Angels attending… awesome; but WILD ANIMALS as companions….hum, this sounds peaceful to me…. !  

So with the imagination and grace God gives me, I’m left with wondering… so where is and what is the ‘wilderness’ really???

Being Right Is Ugly

Learning there is no other place, my Redeemer, I come weeping.  Sobbing from twisted ankles, broken heart, weak from sickness I can’t find a cure.  Finding offenses that bury me in anger and something within that wants its screaming way to explode for it has been convinced it will solve the wrong. 

Can I stay with You, can I come in, my thoughts beg; for I am confused in offenses, so turned upside down with what side of this fence to climb? Trust speaks sweetly with confidence and then turns, and I find it is not trust at all but as if the face I saw was dark instead.  Sour, my soul becomes, so sour with its troubled words tumbling from my lips; running faster than I can keep up with, such raised heat of anger. 

And most often, what I wouldn't want for anyone happens - a wall cements itself between lives, and in marches the guards ready to lay you to sleep in forceful self-assurance

I am right 

and all others are wrong. 

Being ‘right’ is ugly, bruising, and competitive with hostility as its weapon.  

Blinding as if the sun is at its brightest, shining directly into your eyes…nothing is seen clearly.  

But love takes what is Good in the sight of You Lord and stops the train that wants destruction.  Love answers wrongs with a scale built to dissolve the storm clouds rushing in to bring destruction at every path it takes.  

Love gives way to throw a stone if one has no darkness hidden in their own secret existence.  Love divides quickly good and bad and is careful to consume the good and block only the piece that is scared with the enemy’s deception.  Love is a language full of questions, but peace to calm if chasing its provisions.

Wisdom is my cry; for waking from stress to the Word that gives life like a new day is the finale of wisdom.  Removing locks you did not realize had its hold; releasing the name given another with such fresh beauty to the soul rather than buckling over to the pain it once carried.  

A beginning untold begins; for a new story of amazement is on the lips of those who find pardon or give pardon.  

Pardon announced, dancing begins.  The Spirit has wooed hearts to unity perfectly fitting with Father, Son and Himself; now seeing a picture of Trinity’s work.  

Oh how good it is, as Jesus declared, that Spirit would come.  How rich are those who find Spirit a friend to guide and draw in His discipline.  How enormously loved are those Discipline walks and sleeps with. 

Desire Records My Every Word

To think I speak and it is heard, every word, can be so above what my mind catches.  Often it feels just the opposite; my words are not heard, I am only here to listen as others conversation holds the interest of all those around me.  

But creation has found my existence of such importance, I am recorded under such desire, I am brought to this very moment of time for pleasure.  

Pleasure being also my hope, I too find this emotion of high appeal.  Loving and accepting love as part of an exchange that keeps my life worth staying.  Pleasure that gives my day an aspiration to mark it as critical among the many I've been allotted.  Jealousy holding this fire of such passion causing words to burn forth and color the pages of my diary.

My words between my words, those floundering to create a move of thought as I focus to give a picture with my gathered speech, also recorded so the total of my character is expressed beyond the pretty forms I can come up with.  For even my thoughts take on substantial expression when the work of extreme love considered all my potentials that I find His altogether lovely place.

Dare my whole being jump into this realm so massive, where perfect gives a new city to walk.  

Where the fight has only a melted memory, for life now is forever and not measured.  Everything within dazzles all nerves created to enjoy the senses, texture, impressions, this ambiance of force of no push or pull.  

To be - is enough, to watch - is enough; to feel trust, to give a promise of yourself without uttering a word.  

Words no longer pound as they insist to be used; but it’s as if they are floating from a far, coming to delight me with the treasure of full meaning so I can connect them for a bigger picture.  Like picking the best of the apples from a beautiful tree so a delicious pie can be eaten together with others.  

Dancing with words as they form a scroll treasured and making a splash of love to strike His throne to One so illuminating with what love beats out from.  A record is made of songs I sing.  Angels are quick to sing such wonders from the heart of mankind.  Anxious to tell of how the teachings of Jesus expand to show the Father to those on earth.  Awaiting for each soul to make the creation of words cause them to enter His gates so angels can applaud in great loud thunderous music to One who sits upon the throne.  

Pride shining as this One looks about to see the sight of such worship among all creation. Words from my heart...!  He loves me.

His Spirit Is Sure Not Human

All factors or aspects of God have become my amazement.  

His Spirit, that Jesus said He would leave us when He goes, is here; but it’s sure not human as we started.  Jesus even said we would do greater things after He is gone as we are empowered by this Holy Spirit.  You mean than walking on water, multiplying lunch for thousands, raising a dead loved one?  Greater than these few examples? 

But this fire, this Spirit that is poured upon us, not made as human yet working within and around human, is available to us.  

Experiencing times I would define as if I were pierced with higher power, greater strength or enlightened to do what I couldn't a few minutes earlier, I can only say it is not controlled or manipulated; but moves at its own will as any fire does when the Wind (God) blows.  Even now I hesitate to speak of it and the total reasoning is not real clear except what if I speak wrong, what if I tell it without clarity for I am but a learner of its wonders.   

So often I feel like the blind man who was healed and knew not why or who Jesus was, but just that someone came by and healed him when he asked.  Questioned by many, he could only say “he came, told me to wash out my eyes, and now I see.”  I can so relate to this type of grace as I push in to find out who and what this story tells.  

Or I love the story of Zacchaeus, the chief tax collector, in the sycamore tree trying to see this man/God Jesus.  Who was He, what did He look like?  Which man was he among all the people?  Stopping to look up, Jesus must have smiled with such compassion as He tells him He wants to eat at his house today.  Full of my own folly, I often see myself like this small structured man of stand off curiosity; hungering so deeply to find Him among the crowd, in creation, following this wondrous Spirit that encounters my heart with such extreme passion.  

Learning what Word says since I was a child; but experiencing what or how this effects my life is fascinating.  

Could it be this simple, could it be such that it only takes a curious surrendered heart?  I believe so and I believe He placed that curious heart within so that He could continually grant new revelations to fill my eyes with more love and questions to keep me going.  No matter who you are or what judgment you or someone else place on you, He answers with new pieces of His amazing puzzle as we delight in His beauty.  

Going to the great and small, Spirit simply says, “Wanna come?”  Jesus continues to build His kingdom from surrendering curious hearts.  Our questions explode as He grows and stirs within … how come, where will it, which is better, when do I, etc, etc, …!  

If I Could Go To Your World

If I knew how, 

if I could find, 

if I could go to Your world, 

my heart says I would be there 

so fast I would not recognize 

when I made the decision to do so.  

My love burns 

for what I have tasted in this place, 

this lift to my soul 

that rocks away every care.  

Oh how wonderful 

it sounds and feels 

to the weak mind 

and the weak heart.  

Like the pillow one lays upon 

to drift into sweet dreams,  

I sink into my yearning 

cupped with tears of please come.  

Begging to be excused 

from earth’s call, 

so I might lay eyes upon love 

that whispers sounds 

changing my life 

from each syllable uttered within.  

Hear my push and shoving heart; 

hear my voice with silent sounds

that sends pleas to heaven of my desire 

to lay in this pasture so green.  

I have no other want or cry, 

I have no other love, 

there is no other story 

but to want for more 

of this breakthrough 

You designed for Your entrance.  

I want to soar in Your sight

as it connects my being to Yours.

I want to see You knocking 

and I will come running 

to unlock all fears.

I have seen enough that I am watching

for every opportunity to be in this Song.

To float upon its perfect pitch

as the Word speaks healing.

Oh how wonderful 

it sounds and feels 

to the weak mind 

and the weak heart.