My Deceitful Heart

How do we offer praise with such a word as, “Holy"?  

From my experience it is by knowing, with personal examples, how far we have missed the mark.  From our cry of defeat, we better understand what we are saying when we sing unto the Lord as we call Him, "Holy."  

Think of this... what would you be saying if you called someone ‘cute’ without giving thought to how you have packaged such a statement; how you stacked up examples or took into account from some source to give this word great worth and meaning.  How many times, guilty as charged, are we of speaking with little thought to what we are declaring.  But to take into account all your judgments and past experience, declaring one cute gives a level of worth, from your standards, when spoken.  With God, who is Holy, and of such that angels do not stop declaring this level of worth 24/7, we come to join the worship; and if I bring Him 'me' and not someone else, I can release from my heart a great or small praise according to my own life shown me. 

Let me give an example from my own experience.  Today I was given a call from a scam artist.  It is in my job description to handle these calls as all businesses receive those who want to get into the budget, whether we want or not.  He is most pleasant on the phone as anyone; giving me information he wants me to believe important and greatly helpful.  I knew, almost immediately, he was not looking to my good but entirely to his own, for deception came from his first statements.  Telling me a price change is in effect to something we do not even purchase, from a company we have contract with but do not buy supplies from.  His attempts to be helpful yet deceitful, was met just as quickly by my own deceitful heart to try to trip him up and reveal something that I could hold against him; corner him into a tumbling crash over his evil heart.  Kindness was flying back and forth between us like we sincerely wished the other the riches of the day.  Until he crashed, raising his voice, saying a word inappropriate to any business call and slamming his phone down.  I sit in shock.  It was a new scam, new boldness; and I fell right into its battle as I gave in to my anger, kindle by my own righteous verdict for 'I knew this was a scam...!'  He must be exposed and see I know...! 

I repented right then and asked God, “How could I have reached him instead of such a crash for us both?”  I felt so defeated.  I had no information I could use against him nor had I attempted any sort of effort to lead him to a correction as the sweet Holy Spirit does me.  This is when I was gently guided to see how I had warred deceit against deceit and in the eyes of a loving Father, we just drank one another’s vomit. 

How does this apply to giving God praise by declaring Him Holy?

By my repenting heart God’s kindness gave me, I was led to the understanding I have repeatedly been engaged in many times  …. on the same side as my defender.  Even greater do I realize my own inability to save myself but to come daily to His grace, moment by moment, choosing to accept His love and be moved by His Holiness and not my own.  His unfailing kindness, pure heart, and motive for my life to be abundant, not wanting me to be taken by my own deceit, nor another's deception, He shows me holiness.  A step deeper, having knowledge, as I place this praise before Him, "You are Holy."

To understand He is the ONLY ONE Holy is to get that we are not.  And yet, He dwells within and we are led to holiness as we see what it truly is and become the same through Him.  What a fascinating God.

I Danced With Angels

Before you mark me as crazy, let me just share.  This is a personal but amazing moment of love I often ponder.

Sometimes I just love to reflect on experiences that I can't explain but that I love what life it brought me. One of these moments happened several years back when I was so caught up in a moment with my God and praise that I felt I was dancing with angels.  It was a moment of bright beautiful color as the angels held ribbons, soft ribbon that circled about me.  We danced and giggled as ever so often I was dipped low, twirling with such a dance, and as I would touch upon earth, I would grab another person to dance with us. On and on the ribbons were gathered around me as I saw no reason to understand, just to worship and play in the midst of such a jubilee over Jesus.  I should find this and reread my noting such a time but I remember well the excitement and wonderment once it was a memory rather than an event happening.

Was I really dancing with angels?  Was I really not on earth but high upon the heavens?  Was I dreaming during the day?  I don't know, not really, but I WAS caught up in worship.  As I rehearse again the moment, here is what it felt like...!

  

Dancing with angels was like connecting to an emotion over a fact indisputable.  Having in common the focus of such excitement; out came the party, the life that everyone wants to know and attend.  The single song has color and sound but there is only the one purpose for such elaborate decor.  The moment seals its own reality, for you see with eyes of eternity and not the arrogance of announcing other keepsakes.  Lost in the eternity of the moment; it has the now, yesterday and forever - no beginning, no end, sounding its work. The lead is the heart and all are following its gleefulness.  Each is in connection with a plan unfolding and there are no thoughts of one out of step.  Beautifully, the heart does not allow the mind to explain, only to come along and learn. Surrender to kindness, there is only amazement of love, and all moves have this deepness as its choreographer. Lost in what you dance for...One who created you and adores you.

Dance is a catching up of His Story. 

More Than Now and Even More Than Eternal

Oh Poppa, fix my eyes upon You and may I find extreme uncomfortable nudges when I lose sight of Your Face.  

I call out to You for I know I am one with many words, many thoughts, and many emotions.  Dwell within my heart with full openness on my part, and be my obsession at all times.  Prosper my soul so I can keep to my vow to be Yours.  

Let my vision be of constant desire and it lead me to the waters of Your fountain.  Take me to the Presence of Holiness and allow me to touch this with gratefulness as I am overwhelmed by its fire.  

I view before me the making of eternal and may I not be arrogant to the now.  Oh but Your touch, Your fullness of conversation speaking into my life day and night with Your extravagance. 

More than now and even more than eternal, 

Your love dwelling within to form the change 

of my rags to riches as who You are takes its form in me 

and makes me amazing like You.  

Fitting me with this garment of praise that signs me up for the time of my life eternally; with eternity unclear and unknown but secure in my being of utmost content wrapped in zeal.  

My very feelings, my senses of all that takes me forward, be playing as a harp that causes the listener to instantly be brought to Your face.  Let us become lost to earth but weightless with heaven’s kingdom.  

Rage within me; this unending crave for Your love that will never go away.  Release what is taking my thoughts and speaking this honeymoon power of love that has invaded my life.  

Never let me talk myself out of trying to calm the fire.  Fan me with the wind that blows this fire uncontrollably to all nations.  Connecting hearts and songs that speak this zeal and completes this dream with purity of our cry; singing within us to guide this walk of love.  

More than now and even more than eternal, 

Your love dwelling within to form the change 

of my rags to riches as who You are takes its form in me 

and makes me amazing like You.  

His Call Pulls My Thoughts

He CALLS for me.  

His love pulls my thoughts,

singing with depth that reaches

all levels.

He seeks out my heart.  

He looks my way 

and calls me out.  

Saying my name, 

calling with a draw 

that pulls like a whirlwind 

against many walls 

made from my stony heart.  

Giving me a revelation 

that this wind is His power 

and it is without stop 

to take me to His arms 

where safety is the wonders 

of my day and night.  

While storms arise, 

I rest in a place 

where the enemy’s unobtainable break-in 

to His kingdom, 

I live.  

Lavished with His song 

filling the air I breathe 

as I inhale love 

from His throne of infinity.  

Can I declare such 

that fills the heart?  

Can I explain 

where all the movement 

of sensations travel 

as love gives exchange?

My return of His love...

to hear His call 

and share.

Guilty Of Wanting Others To Be God To Me

Thoughts:

I am broken this morning.  Broken with thoughts that I want to face and not hide.  Places where correction is my only hope.  I am so guilty of wanting others to be ‘God’ to me.  By that I mean I have searched to be loved and even went into denial when it was not there to prove to myself they love me like God loves me.  I was so ignorant and silly to do so.  I was walking in darkness, looking for God and all His promises to be filled but I looked to find it in others as much or more than I looked to find it within, where He is and lives.  

Without knowing or having a spiritual understanding, I felt my worth dissolving time and time again by my actions, their actions, my falling, their failing, my right standing, their right standing, my successes, their successes and YES, my failure and their failures.  I am ‘worth’ or have ‘love’ according to others on earth.  

Oh my my my…! So opposite of His amazing love.  I am learning His love, finding it MUST start by knowing His Love exist and that I was made for that to be poured upon. NOT to understand but know it by allowing this bazaar truth work in me.  We are His Passion and His great work.  He sat back on the seventh day and said “IT IS GOOD.”  When God repented of making mankind, I do not understand it but that statement is all about HIM…. NOT ME..!!!!!  He declared something I don’t understand about HIS WORK…!  Wow…!  

But He went another direction, I somehow believe so that in and by eternity we will be forever knowing His love BY HIS WORK IN US.  For He loves His work and thought of me before He went to action to separate the dark from the light or water from land… on and on.  Designing his role and the plan to bring ALL things into order as He continues to oversee His eternity.  Without understanding I say in folly as a child, I am loved in extreme for this a child believes and cries from the beginning to be loved.  He created that and said… ‘Don’t lose that..!  unless you remain as a child, you’ll not see my kingdom’  My thoughts….I will walk in His love and discipline but I will never know it unless I’m a child. I will slip right through my life without knowing I am so loved He sent His Son to insure my place with Trinity, unless I remain as His child.  

To see His kingdom is to live like a child under the magnificent Poppa of Three.  Saying and being ugly at times and I cry and weep I’m sorry.  Get up and find forgiveness by God, not always by others… this I must just show and give what I’ve received.  To be silly and adventurous at times, going too far until I am cautioned back.  On and on the ways of a child knowing they have a momma and daddy that loves, spanks from love, guides by love..etc etc… to be named after Their Name and live in that kingdom (Place – His Name).

Oh my, I easily see others as His pride and joy for I am the same.  When I discover that my worth is beyond my own debt to pay, I MUST live with that.  I can’t pay it.  Ouch.  But this is what He set as His creation and even warned me to know that He set governments upon nations… this is HIS creation.  I love the story in Daniel 3, I believe (I need to look it up) opps, it’s Daniel 5… MSG BIBLE

^18-21 “Listen, O king! The High God gave your father Nebuchadnezzar a great kingdom and a glorious reputation. Because God made him so famous, people from everywhere, whatever their race, color, and creed, were totally intimidated by him. He killed or spared people on whim. He promoted or humiliated people capriciously. He developed a big head and a hard spirit. Then God knocked him off his high horse and stripped him of his fame. He was thrown out of human company, lost his mind, and lived like a wild animal. He ate grass like an ox and was soaked by heaven’s dew until he learned his lesson: that the High God rules human kingdoms and puts anyone he wants in charge.

^22-23 “You are his son and have known all this, yet you’re as arrogant as he ever was. Look at you, setting yourself up in competition against the Master of heaven! You had the sacred chalices from his Temple brought into your drunken party so that you and your nobles, your wives and your concubines, could drink from them. You used the sacred chalices to toast your gods of silver and gold, bronze and iron, wood and stone—blind, deaf, and imbecile gods. But you treat with contempt the living God who holds your entire life from birth to death in his hand.

Wow, God is so good..!!!!  until he learned his lesson. I am His and treasured by His love in such desperate ways, I cannot comprehend.  He holds my life and I want to never take my life back again to find ‘I’ am something of my own.  No, I am His work and His affection is mine to enjoy.  Trusting His work, leaning to His answer for all things…!  

I believe this is my ‘lesson’ right now…. Don’t desire others to be God to you…. The God is the only God.  He loves unconditionally and is working His work in His creation. Do not measure yourself among yourselves, do not judge nor set sentences upon His work (Spirit’s love).  No one, me included, can be God – we are His subject of affection and He loves His work.   

Sure sometimes I wish I were the hand rather than the butt… :0) but I repent and say… to You Poppa, I give my butt…!!!!  And He loves me as a butt…!!!

Thoughts.... fascinating!

Love - What Is It

We were created to hold a substance 

unable to buy, sell, or trade; 

And yet...

we have been commanded to share; 

accepting this substance 

that comes in every which way 

but what we usually can predict! 

~

We can’t earn it, 

we can’t manipulate it, 

we can’t demand it 

and we sure can’t fake it; 

and yet again,

commanded to share.  

Love is… 

a substance so wanted 

we build our every step to find it.  

I lose it, abuse it,

and most of the time - 

become confused by it
for it trips up all selfish moves.

Love surrounds my every
response, thought, and secret
with its knowledge
of how to hear me.

Love holds no sacred
loyalty to my folly
but to my end
for my sake 
of progress and betterment.

 Love's boundaries 
are endless with
faithful pulls and stops
to give me an umbrella
in the rain.

Love has my total attention.

No matter what my adventure is, 

I am consciously and unconsciously hoping 

to find each response 

coming back 

filled with love's attitudes.  

Love desires,
 hidden so deep and strong within me, 

moves my heart 
to connect each event supernaturally; 

so much so that disappointment flies 

when I receive a counter reaction.  

Scared and troubled 

when what sets before me is war; 

two flinging their world 

as if it is the answer 

to the thirst of all others.  

Flames rise within the soul 

and a kingdom begins to scream for its rule.  

And then love,
working its strength in spite of me
comes around, for it knows
it is the ultimate results
I have been set to desire.

Take notice, oh my soul;
love wins - every time...!

Lukewarm-ness

In these moments, of Your presence so strong, so strong, so very strong…I find tears want their way to cry forth. I want to burst forth something but no clue how to allow such strength of passion inside take its leave from me so I can become empty for more to gush in.

For highest praise speaks without words as I become saturated with a substance called You Are..!  

Love takes on colors as I climb this event, this wonder of a place so pure.  My countenance must surely change, for how can my heart be so enlightened with such the song that forms and it not cause my face to match this changed delight.

How I ponder the time I live in this, Your Presence.  How it must change us from glory to glory as we watch each other forming the body of Christ before our eyes.

Here in this love, I stand, but I feel like I will never, never be the same.  How can I wade in such surroundings and then go back to the lack this world offers.  How could I?  Why would I want to go back to dullness when You offer a bursting glorious transformation only provided from the manna on high. 

Oh God, keep me.  In these moments I cry out to keep me.  Keep me in this time and do not lead me to temptation that temps me into lukewarm-ness which has such a death grip You can only spew it out.  For there I see all is good and I forget my need, my constant need for Your goodness keeping me in the discipline of Your discipleship.   I know You but I am at ease with my soul, at ease with my lack and feel no needs. 

I want to want You, I want to plead for more, I want to search for You, I want to climb the highest mountain for I am clueless, I want to take all I have and sell it for a moment again with You, I want to share my dreams with You, I want to never be satisfied with little but want more, I want to sing Your song and not my own level of accomplishments.  I love the unsettled equation I have of who You are, for I vow to keep trying to figure out more. 

I love the search for the rock in which to build my relationship with You.  Living on the edge and fearful but ready to leap into the air of unknown at all times, knowing You are there ready to take me on the ride of my life.

Keep me from lukewarm-ness and burn within me Your fire that keeps me dancing and playing as a fearless child about Your kingdom.  Forever looking into the inheritance that was awarded me, finding new excitements at every step. 

Shake me with the fierceness of Your love and I will find what I am looking for…! 

Watch My Days

To my Father 

who owns every moment 

of my time, 

all the creation around me, 

all stops and goes of my life

 - to knowing my beginning 

to my end of days here on earth.   

So involved in creating my timing, 

my place for Your good pleasure 

and to take me 

to my fullest potential 

in gentleness and kindness, 

leading me 

to drink of Your fountain only.  

My needs met 

by Your knowledge in more ways 

than I could know 

my lack and ask.  

Merciful Father, 

so pure with motives for me, 

take me and give my daily bread today 

so that I am in strong standing 

under a plan that leads 

to the gates of forgiveness 

and gathers me 

to be sure of this pardon.  

I find hunger 

and I go seeking.  

I want to be found 

looking for food 

that I will share for eternity, 

not the turning away 

to pleasures held 

for only pieces 

of glory here on earth.  

When I am asked 

to do the bidding of another 

I have no rights or ownership in, 

give me strength 

to not take upon my soul 

their grip, this enemy 

that makes guilt or kindness 

a trick to capture my strength 

away from my assigned days.  

Help me watch my days carefully.  

Help me take 

my own self-centered desires 

or my fears 

I am not getting 

or will not be provided for, 

and squeeze this lie out of my heart.   

I want my days to be filled 

with the watch of a released heart 

after Your love, 

consumed in walking 

a straight path assigned. 

Swallowed whole in Your goodness 

as my time spent on earth 

accomplishes Your will.  

May I carry myself 

as unashamed and surrendered 

to this passion 

You serve as my stairway 

to all of heaven’s feasting.  

Feed me from above 

and I will see Your Face. 

Emotions God Has

Poppa, with You I live in a honeymoon not written by human, but by that which serves me from heaven’s substance.  I walk with thoughts that run wild with love dripping, splashing everywhere I go.  I sing to the top of my lungs and I care not how close I get to my own balance of good notes or bad, for I have a message that pushes to be released.  

I am in love with the One that creation gave as my partner in three, my wing that lifts the great emotions birthed within me.  

I take all my minutes and give them to You as a great cry for all that You are, to be me.  Your Name has a circle of aroma about me, as I dance under the union it gave my heart to move.   My eyes close to so many earth sounds that call for me as each sound only turns to vapor, but Your kingdom takes my ground and forms the solid of eternal rock upon to dance.  

I draw near, oh so near, that I feel Your breath blowing and Your heart beating.  All my ‘mines’ I bring and lay them as my answer to Your love.  For I take Your reality of acceptance and leave my fantasy of wealth this world gives as its acceptance of me.   

Wrap me in the yearning from Your heart, the serious ignition of passion to take all my burdens, my dreams to make glorious.  I take this hurricane of emotions You have for me and I glide to You in my weakness.  

I give way to Your exploding emotions of fire that makes You my God, my Poppa, my creator and reality.  I leave the lukewarm state of being, the place You are least like.  I jump into open air as I watch You running towards me with an army of angels at Your side.  

Oh how Your fire burns, Your emotions, stirred and combined to flow through me, with all You've given me a taste of.  I’m left with a trophy, scarred with the stretch love marks on those who take Your Name.  

I am where I am supposed to be, in Your love, Your Emotions, as eyes filled with love tell me to stay.