I Am Now, Respond With This Understanding

Climbing has me light headed, feeling weak, troubled as I struggle to take deeper breaths. 

And yet, this yearning to get to the top is so knitted into my soul, it is life I’ve come to know as the Restorer.  Bringing clarity to the mind that wonders far and near to be entertained. 

My bones cry out for the movement each Song from this High Place offers to those who fearlessly venture out to begin. Passion has locked me into its grip and I yearn for this Now of who You are.  Finding it is what You are, for You change not from yesterday, today and forever.  

For I have a new dance. 

I have asked, “What do I do when hurts take me down?”  You took me walking on water by saying “I Am Now, respond with this understanding.” I ponder this profound simple remark that I know will change my life forever from glory to glory. 

Now’? How does this answer give me strength to find Peace I know relieves the darkened soul? 

The melt-down begins as Your Spirit seems to hover over my heart, I dare explore this Love Note.  I recall times I feel alone, no one there to give me feedback. 

“I Am Now, respond with this understanding.” 

I stand among others in worship and I can only think of my failure to be in this intimacy.  

“I Am Now, respond with this understanding.” 

My load was heavy, so much to do and I’m ashamed. 

“I Am Now, respond with this understanding.” 

I began to sense my soul taking on this Truth and the change which happens again inside out.  How many times do I give my soul just the opposite answer…”Tomorrow I will fix this, or later I will deal with such and such…” 

To understand that eternity is NOW; for as His child I have already entered into eternity and will never die (not exist but take on a new body). To know He is Now, I immediately go into honoring the Creator. 

Instead of shifting into there is no answer, I find the I Am Now has it completely in control. I can sit in this and wait. There is no hurry when I am in His Now. He is NOW, tomorrow He is NOW, in a thousand years He is NOW.  He is forever and ever the NOW. 

Fearlessly I call myself His child living in His Now existence. He is the air I breath Now.

Silly With Lies

Poppa God, I lean so heavy upon Your grace. 

Knowing that when I push through, You are the faithful One, the One to break all chains that seem to hold me back. Those chains that cause my heart to begin my focus toward You (for life that fuels each moment), with that 'burden' more often than that 'praise'. 

Hopelessly silly with lies of being deserted, alone, tested for some experiment of Yours, I come with my cripple instead of a jog. Yet the very opposite is always in place.  I'm the one that deserted you, went off alone, and/or conducting some sort of experiment to see if I can get this or that results. The amazing is that I find You so excited over me, waiting for me in every situation of my heart's playing game. 

Ready to explore another day with me like it was just created, just designed for the first time... Light has just been opened to my eyes and the song of eternal life begins for what lies before me. 

Touching into this Space, my 'burden' now becomes connected to You without the words that failed me.  

I'm tapping into Your Thoughts, and You tap into mine. We love with fresh as we mix all previous eternal moments together.  

My smile has weeping attached, as well as, war against wrong. My swaying body moves as if I'm mixing the ingredients of Power to all my situations. 

All things pass before You as if I plugged into a surge protector, as Jesus' purpose for me becomes before Your very Presence and I cling to its wish. 

I have arrived to something my heart falls into depression without. Quickening me to come back, come and stay close to the Fire that has its blaze for my keeping. 

Here now, to pour out at a Place where hands are held tightly together so distractions have no pull. Where my eyes have their search fixed to follow this new Light for today, not yesterday's feast or tomorrow's world. 

I listen to what I adore, what swells to fill my thirsty soul. 

For can a soul drink beyond what heaven pours? Can a day hold a Brightness that blinds? Can my love exceed the Love that created me? No, a thousand times, no. I am fixed upon life, eternal Life that Loves me into this Place, His Presence. 

Bouncing with joy that awaits those who love Him. Those who dares to give that exchange...their burden for His Life. 

I dance in the struggles of life because He offers a Song with every Son-rise. 

Prayer - What Does It Do

The ride of prayer has wings that lift the heavy we cannot explain. 

It’s every sound brings in a musical note that adds to the eternal song of God and humankind. 

Finding a deeper color of explanations, a more vivid look into the Eyes of One; creating a clear sky even if clouds appear to be above the circumstances life offered.  

Details happen and yet the whole picture becomes the visual I run toward.  

All those threaded into my life, come before this move of God… and it happens! 

The world turns because God Loved the whole earth and gave His Son, Jesus. 

My move, His Work in me, turns the space this whole picture was processing from heaven’s grace, and a step of eternity mixes perfect ingredients to One involved and content.  

His Glory (His story in me) comes to fill the place again and again as the ride of prayer has wings that lift the heavy we cannot explain. 

Canyon To Cross

Into His kingdom, into His Place, 

the glory of unfamiliar, 

my heart seeks with extreme passion.  

Somehow, someway, 

blocking out distractions 

that want only to scratch against 

this Face; 

but out comes an expression 

that is stirring to be alive, 

with all the curves and colors 

that open words to be worthy droplets, 

millions of word droplets 

create a Face I will never forget.   

For I look beyond any one thing 

to the great, unfamiliar great.  

Such that takes me to a lift 

as if looking over the canyon 

and to the other side 

where my feet insisted I travel.  

When in sight, 

it is just a step and nothing more, 

waiting for me.  

Now faces meet 

and the love is exchanged 

while strength is regained.  

A cheer is heard from afar, 

as if heaven wanted this union 

more than I.  

A different song begins to play 

and I find what was a destiny 

is only an open endless field.  

It’s as if dancing was the claps 

that kept beating 

while all seen and unseen 

kept my breath in timing.  

Breathing was given, 

but I could only know 

of its riches when arriving. 

An enemy starred 

but grew weary 

as the forming of face likeness 

was the results of this Place.  

Father likeness 

becomes this child’s features 

and the final chain dissolved. 

Language Connects To Find Love

Poppa, who went to all detail of creating me, where I would best be designed to live…I am overwhelmed with gratefulness.  For I cannot think of any other time I would want to be. Having access to so much history and knowing the future brings the amazing as well, how did You do this? 

And in processing my place, being aware it is designed to be closest to You with extreme consideration of my choices, You lift me higher and higher to be part of heaven’s existence. 

Made to want me as one with One, where You are, like You, holding the Substance of my movement in You.  I so want to go, be, have what You want for me. It is satisfaction no words can complete the description; experience must be a part.  

Like the constant strum of a perfect beat, my whole being begins to dance with such abandonment, as this intimate personal One connects such precision dreams to become my life.  

The I Am, who You are, sings as if to help me remember, like when I was a child learning the alphabet.  The complicated becomes the simple bases for my whole world of discovering You.  Communication has a foundation as our language connects to find Love in all things. The dance of life is on.  

My day begins and my desire is to make something beautiful of it for You; that each step is a stroke of color for a perfect picture at the end of this beautiful moment given.  That You see so deep in my heart You know what I’m communicating far past my choice of words or actions… see the yearning of giving it to You so my climb is prosperous and has Your great story to tell.  

This Kingdom… the Kingdom of Jesus’ Name, has found me and I confess Him as my Lord. 

Focus Of Unlearned Hearts

Ready to be the focus 

of unlearned hearts, 

unformed by the Master, 

whose Name is a mystery 

without surrender!  

For the surrender 

of all to Jesus 

gives its home 

as a life 

living within a glass house. 

Beholding the world 

as it watches me. 

Trusting completely 

while conversations 

make a voice of prayer 

the video of His Will upon earth.  

Traveling deep 

to grab hold of needs 

so His Story is told.  

Eyes open to His jealous Heart 

and willing to fight 

with this affection, 

mending the bleeding souls 

in battle.  

Shaking with beauty 

of mighty Fear of the Lord; 

tearing down, 

tearing through, 

standing power of Truth… 

breaking strong holds 

with Love 

that crashes every party 

an enemy tries to throw.  

Encountering a Love 

that rescues, 

cleanses, and sits me 

in high places 

with His Life abundant.  

Seeing what He sees 

and releasing 

what is given me.  

What He creates 

from my ashes - 

His tower 

to bring lost ones 

to hold onto.  

Pushing through the fear 

that being watched 

only cause’s embarrassment, 

revealing the broken undesired 

ugly of my soul; 

to Trust that tells me 

the Breath of God 

blows around 

such a surrendered position.  

Ready to be the focus 

of unlearned hearts, 

unformed by the master, 

whose Name is a mystery 

without surrender!

Weightless Space That Covers My Soul

This blanket that has covered me, 

this weightless space that covers my soul, 

I speak from. 

It wakes the heart and is relentless in its pull to be. 

I take each step; 

it seems to not matter if I’m going forward 

or backwards or side to side, 

I become closer to the reach 

it has dominated as its’ owned.  

I’ve been its’ celebration 

and carried to be rejoiced over 

as the dance of happy 

declares He did well in His Work.  

I can only cry.  

I know my failures 

and make efforts to share 

how this can’t be.  

I was blind, broken, and beaten 

with accusations 

until my cripple heart 

felt it was over. 

But Life has answered the homeless, 

those who can’t find 

this world’s place as the rescue.  

Intimacy comes 

and amazing grace 

is the station where all travel 

now comes and goes.  

Rest has a new Name, 

worthy of my laying down 

the conclusions 

and giving His Way 

as my heart’s desire.  

For eternity can seem so short, 

when the heart is so in love! 

When every sound heard 

I’m sure is trying 

to explain that which so desperately 

wants to be known.  

Love, His Love… 

this weightless space 

that covers my soul, 

I speak from. 

It wakes the heart 

and is relentless in its pull to be.

Lost and Found of God's Love

What happens when there is a pressure that takes a bite of your heart and seems to be a dead grip without the option of loosening?  It’s as if it is a screaming monster that refuses to calm.  Taking every opportunity to trigger and trip up each moment another breath is taken.  

Learning to walk with these accusations can be a journey with the sight of great light ahead, yet nothing but bumps and holes to trip and struggle through to get there. 

I wonder… when in this situation… am I at my best while in the hole, tripping over the bump, or when I’ve arrived at the great light?  Something seems to want to tell me it is more when the struggle is there.  What am I doing?  How am I responding?  What is coming from my heart during these impossible strikes?

Time happens as the journey gives unexpected! As I ponder these questions, I find those piercing accusations against my heart, those screaming monsters, falling off as heaven seems to come to earth! 

Why is that? While in the middle of an honest debate, the pouring of my soul… His Love meets this dilemma as I empty myself of pity (built from wrong thinking) as He prepares my heart to be ready to know Truth - of how the Living God feeds and cloths His universe within me.  I find my soul refreshed and my hope stirring with energy to run the race for myself, while picking up others also.  It's a blissful moment.

And then it’s gone… just like that?  I’ve feasted in a river of pleasure, solid peace that has only the Silence of extreme as its Sound.  Giving like a fountain as I play in its pour.  Singing from somewhere within, songs that are all about the ‘me’ I didn’t know. And then it’s gone. 

Again, I fell, stumbled with distraction, and lost that Voice that is Silent with extreme as its Sound.  

I try blocking the distraction with earthly tools, exchanging a distraction for a distraction.  Now, lost and running for a shelter, I knock on doors – any door – for I tasted something I can no longer live without.  Panic rises as I anticipate being lost forever.  Hungry and longing to be united again, with ‘wait’ as my friend now, I stop the chase.  

I stop. The unexpected....again.  Flowers seem to blossom around me as I wait with want of love I tasted and fiercely crave.  

I stay in confused observant eyes as I sense a new picture story about me. A completely new and deeper taste of this same love, I am still. 

How could this be?  I had perfect love. How does perfect get more perfect?  How can love grow richer in taste for my soul?  And yet, slowly, springtime gives more and I am becoming soaked in delight as I was never alone, but growing.  

He delights in the growth of love's pouring, and creating a likeness of its glory in us.  As it covers the earth, the Universe of His Love in us spills in abundance.

Dream Place of Love

There is a place more real than the offering of complete devotion; for devotion is in pieces - giving as moment by moment thoughts surrender. 

This Place appears as a dream, with only its own words and actions required to respond and act. It's not filled with mumbling and distractions, no, only its story. Each moment belongs to finish the picture. 

Drawing me to this Place is a call so direct, so focused, I can fix my eyes upon it and still receive all my life's fulfillment. Not missing a note within my song.

Love, His love, is this Place. A dream with no wasted thoughts or moments. Retold over and over and in newness of its unfolding picture.

Love solid, Holy, like a dream without distractions.

How Do I See God

My Lord, I am sitting here under the heavy of Your love and I hardly know how to handle such greatness.  

Like a child with delicious in her hand…I feast in its taste.  For I am here because You have called me to the table and I am confident You want me to stay.  

To be at a place of rest is the vacation of a life-time. A wonder within the soul, I will talk of its beauty forever and ever.  

How much is in store, my heart cries.  For on this mountain top, I can only think I have arrived.  It is the satisfaction above all other wonders I have experienced.  Yet, something inside assures me there is more.  

I marvel; I stumble at this Room so full of warming passion.  I have baskets to fill, spaces to stuff as much as I can accommodate; for my return to the mind can be so disappointing.  I am set on having more than enough; extreme is what I find, so I hope for abundance that will spill from my gathering upon those I will return to. 

Oh, the spin of emotions…as all I was made to experience is tickled with excitement.  Every emotion You gave has been given a delight, a part of Your love to carry its assignments to season my walk. 

Falling with the angels in a posture of awe, knowing this burning inside is the filling of unspeakable passion like the sun that brightens our path. Teaching and directing far deeper than the mind knows to understand.  

As this feast is consumed, I run with perfect love that causes Your Image to form; and places the Light to reject all darkness.  Salt flavors the earth and You put within a Salt that fills us with Your glory.  Making my story a tasty bite of delicious…Your work in its beautiful unfolding.  Taking my fall and creating a dance, taking my stumbles and creating a color that blends Your love into a picture of wonder.  

Sipping on this cup of meekness, I see upward and not down upon others.  As Jesus walked in meekness, He is the example to follow.  For He has taken my failure and assured me His blood sacrifice was capable of covering the whole world in whom He loved.  

True love…this place of filling up and seeing what You have done.  True and perfect love…a witness of my life and how You have taken up my cause, my existence as Your work. Proving love that has this ‘making a show among the darkness’ Your overcome and worthiness.  Openly for eternal beauty… giving revelation of wisdom on grace and mercy that follows Your owned ones.  Shaking me into knowledge of soberness, fruit that sees Your Face! 

For how do I see God? 

I live for Your Presence and long for its Substance to soak within my pores, my whole being. Allowing the depth of Your call be.  Coming as Your call chimes out to my heart to partake and eat up.  Feast with open heart and unafraid; taking on Your safety and not my own created walls. 

Standing in the ring but all fights choreographed as Your love instructs my moves.  Standing in Your love's embrace and eating of the greatness of who You are, I see.

I choose the more excellent way, Your Way; as I sit under the heavy of Your love and sing Hallelujah!

Climbing To Reach God

It often feels like a climb, to reach God emotions… those moments where you feel God so large within, you feel as if it is your own.  

Emotions are an expression of what is going on inside and can be so loud, it scares us back into a false state of mind or deception of safety. And then, to break down this wall we put up so fast, can be exhausting and met with confusing screams to keep this door closed. 

Courage is the mountain now. Courage to open up is the ‘climb’, and the impossible, as we look up to imagine how far we would have to go. And depending on how many hands are cupped to help lift, we can find our climb ‘seems’ beyond the clouds. 

The answer is the adventure. We are looking for the top, but He is looking for the climb in us. 

God emotions… the sweet climb of adventure as we open up and seek Him!

Trials Have Me Talking

Trials have me talking.  Got me thinking of what is real, and what is just a part of my fleeting ruins.  

For how often my mistakes (what I’m more likely to call trials) are the very center of what belongs to You. 

I can’t seem to handle them, my mistakes.  I stumble and walk crippled until I am raised to a resurrected knowledge of deep verses my shallow.  Then, and only then, does my trial (mistake) become a beautiful expression of Love in all colors.  Before this I just see in black and white (understanding of my own). 

But trials give me the Character of Your Life in me.  Shining boldness that presses its praise toward Your kindness…always.  No wonder I am to count it all joy when I encounter trials. What an opportunity to find real. How could I any other way know love as extreme, love as answers to the blackest of my heart. 

Facing a trial, I run, I hide, I fall apart; and yet it is at that moment the explosion of heaven invades with activity I will encounter - my new dance, Your victory in me. 

For what trial is it to find I am right? It is when I’m lost that I must say… who cares what others say, I’m lost and I crumble. My trial ends and Your song rises. The stand I made to be mighty, falls - to the table fit for only kings and queens.  I feast in Truth as I lie down and cry. My toes begin to tap, my arms begin to wiggle, and my ears begin to pick up a sound that my eyes now behold as new. I am captured away to journey with music of Truth, no longer drowning in the crushing of a heavy heart.  

Hearing is simply a wave of notes circling the mind, waiting for my spirit to catch its rapture.  I soar as if I never knew anything but Your love was always. And then it happens, I look back and I see a story, a song written about me.  Fearlessly, I explore as a curious spectator of something I followed with passion and shout with happiness.  Where is the trial when Truth owns my heart. La, la, la, la, la, laaaaa…. goes my thoughts…  

Life Feels Like War

The puzzle of life often feels like war to me, rather than the soft laughter of a lazy day. 

I’ve been determined that God loves me 

and I’ve struggled with 

I’m the tail-end of His thoughts.  

But each position (mountain or valley), I’m finding a history of faithfulness.  His purpose for my solo flight to blend with the army of thousands and thousands of names written upon the palm of His Hand, is His Story in me to make even the purest most beautiful sunrise pale to this picture.  

My place is just to respond… literally.  If I’m at the bottom (for this is only my fallen ability to hear), I ‘respond’ and cry out for my soul to rise from my deception. If I’m at the top (hearing One’s Voice and dancing), I ‘respond’ with filling my soul to overflow that I spill forth. 

The mountain moves by the Sound of His Voice… to me this means that my mountain top experiences are each their own example of what Love is Voicing.  If the mountain moves, and it does, then the valleys move also.  What was once a valley can become a mountain.

I am ever in learning and forever to be listening.  

And most important…. 

Respond…! 

He is a Teacher.

Wine From Him

Capturing something gone wild inside can be like stopping a river... it takes on another outlet once I think I have found a way to contain it. I'm so full of amusement this morning. Let me try to explain. You will not find wine in our house (at least as far as I know), for an accident took us to the edge of confused and now this tasty substance has no invitation. 

But Jesus told the servants to fill the water pots. (John 2) From this, His glory was shown as the ruler tasted and declared a new approach was taken in this wedding… the best for an ending.  To cause all guest to go out rejoicing and forever be a word from their mouth of such a story.  

What was being said here?  Here is what my heart tells me… Jesus knows we will drink from the world’s substance until we run out.  There is no more.  This is when we are open to partake of the supernatural… His Wine (His Holy Spirit).  Since Jesus died for us, we become His bride, His reward.  We have been drinking heavy, but it will run out and I think that is happening. It sure is for Michael and I.  We barely missed a divorce, we found ourselves in the middle of confusing statements from each other, we hardly understood the involvement we were to even have.  We ran out of wine.  But…I’m filling the water pots (my soul) and I’m experiencing new Wine.  Far exceeding all my expectations and/or my imagination.  The pleasure goes beyond words and into an over-spill of what happens inside. 

I had a dream after this awakening this morning about 3:00 a.m.  I was with a nephew, telling him of some wonders.  He gave me a hug.  It was just a kind sort of hug, but not a heart hug.  I said, “Oh my, please (I offered) embrace me.”  I was consumed with love and wanted it to be experienced, not kindly acknowledged.  

I believe God wants us to experience this New Wine. It isn’t something we can make or create.  It is His divine Recipe… becoming filled with the Holy Spirit (Hearing His Sound). Then we will walk out it’s drunken (boldness) spill.  We use this illustration often …. ‘see, Jesus drank wine.’  We buy our own rights to be drunk with man-made wine, rather than fill our pots because we are empty. 

For weeks now I have been pondering this…’Jesus drank wine.’  It has been so confusing to me and I continued to ask about it.  I am grateful for Truth (life abundance) that makes folly such a frazzled rag (unwanted and disposable). I am confident that He will continue to reveal this as I continue to drink this New Wine.

Conversation With God About My Children

My heart takes a turn to focus… 

focus toward the Answer to all things.  

First, I want to express my gratitude toward such a blessing as this, being in ‘life’ so full of distractions and turns but always having this Place (many mansions or places You have prepared for us) to find the rescue of Your Way, the Answer.  Finding our way involves the guidance of Your Way, and the Light always being on, gives this process a divine dance rather than a crawl to disaster. I see Your glory as my day wanders about in disarray but catches Love sensations with the pulls of guidance, the Answer. 

My song is like a child in the woods full of wolves but the safety of warriors about me.  I am loved and this love sends fiery compelling flames that capture my eyes to stare at it, with each moment losing that time crunch and I take on the beauty of ‘no time’ elapsing with love as the motive. My story, the reading of Your glory, takes my heart to Peace that simply creates being.  Being in, being held, being alive to experience.  I am here.  I have arrived…not to the beginning of time nor to the end of time… just here.  Ready to be.  

Sing Poppa, sing so loud that the world dances, and may we turn to focus…toward the Answer to all things.  Jesus is our First Love.  We are His bride.

I give my focus to see that You have my children as treasures beyond the blindness I caused or the confusion I created.  You have them in Your Divine and You see the whispers they make as struggles take a pinch here and there and bruising appears.  You are causing all things to work toward this highest praise; that Love signals on earth the things heaven pours.  

As Joy covers their homes with angel wings on assignment, You watch as Peace takes them to ‘everything is going to be alright’.  When wrong knocks, You force open exposure against the enemy and cripple the destruction to a fizzle until it is no more.  

All five You have given me have an amazing ‘look’ which causes You to declare….”Do you see what I see?”  Proudly telling me of Your Love over them!  Extending my boarders to each of their own individual world Love expands my gifts, Your treasures.  

Love breaks the heart to be a never ending place for Your Song to live and watch a child, Your child, my gifts, Your treasures.  I weep as I carry Your abundance within.  You weep as You tilt Your head with compassion and a grip that promises to always be.  

I find enough, always enough and so will my children.  

You make their song like a child in the woods full of wolves but the safety of warriors about them.

Decision Making

The thought that a decision can change so many things in my life, is a position I seldom ponder; but God seemed to unfold the great heavens and earth with decisions.  Pondering His work and then making that decision to Speak it into this/our now. 

How about the ‘decision’ to bring us to life?  He knew us far before we were.  It had been His decision to call me/you forth.  My decision to follow Christ is a life changer that took my eternity to an amazing treasure gather-er; gathering moments to take with me into the eternal.  He is good.  

This morning, I am pondering what decisions I will make… those big and small, eternal or just this fleeting moment; and graciously I am beginning to see that already in this early morning of this day… I have made several.  I have sneezed several times… I decided to get up and blow my nose. :0)  I have read a few FB post and decided to ‘like’ some.  

I have wondered about, wanting to hear from God’s love - do I press through to hear?  I decided (thought it and decision made) to position myself to WANT to hear – not what I want to hear but ‘what do You want to tell me’?  

Today is a decision making day, as the rest of my life… so in the quiet and in the storm, I position myself to think and make the choice… leaning to hear and move with His Peace as my guide.  My soul sings of His love.  

With more caution, I want to meet God with my decisions today.  

How do we do this… follow Peace!  His Peace!  It’s the calm of all your scattered thoughts. It’s the inhale of a thought okayed by your heart.  It’s the smile inside.  It’s the song that starts with just a hum.  It is a Place…as like the many ‘mansions’ He has promised He would prepare for us, not to cage us but to experience Him.  A roaring area of great love, or mansion filled with His Grace.  It is THAT door you decide to open to this ‘mansion’ He promises…. Open and come on in.  He is always in a Good mood.  :-)

Trip To Heaven

Gettin’ ready for a trip has many acts of preparations and can be a big part of the thrill, as all your imagination lets go and begins to live a little in what might/should/will happen.   

I heard yesterday from a book (I believe) we were listening to … ‘God is with me here on earth but when I get to heaven, I will be with Him’.  Dying was just an invitation to me one time (Want to sleep? And so I did until awaken by the doctor.) But someday it will be an invitation to live there.  The Presence of God, working on earth within my life, makes His creation of greater beauty, for sure, as my affection increases in speedy delights.  

This morning I have this yearning that takes in His amazing invitation to live acts of preparations for this coming event – me living with Him there.  Singing as I hear all music combined to take on His Face as words blend to show my devotion.  Moving with steps that One looking on sees as the dance of love.  Each turn, tilt, slight glance and stare, gives revelation of my love and appreciation of such surrender He made so I could be with Him.  Holding hands with each other for That Day, the Day I see Him.  Marking each face along the way; as if it held the weight of our hearts to obtain such a place.  Giving away; as each of our steps include the sharing of what is inside.  

Closer and closer to Him, which plugs you in to receive new; new substance that was never there before.  Gathering to pour out behind you, as His Love multiplies more than you can contain.  

Oh (hear my groan of want) I am caught up in preparations.  Making a trip that every single salvation that comes my way is this invitation to sing and dance to this Place.  Excitement that carries the right ‘now’ the next ‘move’ the confident ‘word’ the bright ‘light’ that leads on to give this trip its dance now and forever. 

I have but a shadow of what is to come but as I live in this shadow, I live in His Trust that it will be glorious.

Am I Worth Anything

Ever wanted something (I don’t believe it matters what), and when it is not obtained, you measure yourself – your very worth as a person.  Out comes your judgment, “Well, I’m not ‘worth’ getting that, I guess.”  The very value begins its scale over a very small item or by the strength of another as you take second to its place.  You can’t seem to change your want, so you work harder at getting; but by golly, you still can’t find satisfaction and you’re drained with anger and worry on top of empty.  Now your worth/value statement not only lowers but the passion of what you want shrinks to question severely if you should have ever wanted it.  Unnoticed to your own soul’s destruction, your value is so low, your decision making gets clogged with ‘don’t ask’ time and time again; or even this thought - just look the other way to who you are.

Love’s entrance becomes limited with your own measure set, by yourself,  according to that scale.  By failures to control a person, place or thing, (yeah, that ol’ noun that entered my world and caused me discomfort) I told myself I can’t have it and I measured myself as non-lovable, second best, or worse – no worth.  Now, who cares if I get what I want?  I’m trying to survive under ‘not loved, not of worth, no value.  Swimming in echoes over and over that tell me I am second to everyone, everything.  I sit, I cry.

Crying to my Poppa God has worked in me the same magic it did when I was a child with my earthly dad.  I was blessed for my dad would sit and listen as I cried, and then give me options and thoughts to consider, as I shared.  Somehow I knew he had taken this time because he loved me.  This memory seems to be how my Poppa God works with me…always, somehow, I have known He loves me in spite of my search and wants; whether I get what I want or not.  And my conclusion was always that finding His Love was so much better than anything I could get from this world anyway. 

But oh the pain when my painful soul drowns as it sinks down, down, down while I continued to fall in my self-measured scale. 

I’m not talking about knowing my sinful nature, my wayward heart that scatters selfish screams.  No, I’m talking that measure of value that comes when something or one crosses you with a value statement that ‘this’ is more important than you; and you become a fallen vessel unable to hold your heart as valuable as you know your heart is worth.  I, not them, begin to trash my value.  I begin to wonder in despair with the ‘I’m not worth nothing’ attitude.  In desperate attempts, I make demands that are not met, I follow the lie rather than heal the soul that is battered and torn.

What a tragedy, to discard the heart with such a low measure of worth.  God’s extreme love demonstrated the ultimate sacrifice of His own Son to individually show my value is like an open check with a bank account larger than this world; with reserves extended to heaven’s eternal bliss. 

What a tragedy when I become distraught because a person, place or thing tried to rule my heart and I swallowed a lie of my worth.  Swimming in echoes over and over that tell me I am second to everyone, everything.  I sit, I cry.

But what a miracle when His Love rescues the heart and I dance away with knowing, I am His delight...!  Worth the gift of His Son, Jesus.  Worth the demand made, "Peace, be still" to the storm's invasion.  Worth the saving at the cost of Word leaving heaven to come in human form so "I" can find His Love never fails.  I am of worth...!

Empty Heart

The heart 

has worlds to explore 

and yet it can feel 

so empty.  

But taken to His moment, 

taken to His open gate, 

I wonder about 

like I am the tiny 

and He is the Big.  

And the fun begins...! 

As the run takes me over 

and I sing 

from depths I surrender to 

only when I think I am alone.  

And out comes 

the funky dance 

that was created 

from my beautiful careless 

choreographed childlike happiness.   

Giggles are the sounding notes 

that carry my spectacular, 

yet ridiculous, 

fun steps 

towards unheard promises 

that take a hold of me 

with power I am amazed 

have my life written about them.  

As if a stone 

was rolled away 

from the burdens of my weakness, 

music burst forth

causing me 

to be its very vessel 

to bring forth melodies 

to heights and depths 

of heaven on earth.  

I forget I felt empty.

Jokes

A conversation has purpose.  Do we really consider what we are saying or what others are trying to get across?  

Jokes – what is behind such a story, and when is it used to truly make things light? Or could it be used to get others to laugh at what you your self are angered over?

Lord, I love 'funny' but help me line each of my words up and give account to their reason to be spoken. If I can’t seem to find this possible, help me breakdown at least each conversation to hear my purpose for even making sounds into this atmosphere.  

Wickedness What Do I Do With It

What do you do with eyes to see wicked?  How are these horrible acts of violence and deception dealt with as we live and move in God's beautiful grace.

John the Baptist was a strange character who came to be a visible voice, before Jesus made His voice heard by the multitudes.  In Luke 3 I read of how John spoke to those who came to get a glimpse, and hear what all the talk about him was and I can't seem to find a single kind word to anyone, that is of course, except Jesus.  But all others (human kind)... he placed them as terrible sinners and in great need to repent.  Seeing right through them in such a degree that many apparently 'came to him' to be judged. WOW.  Luke 3:10 AMP And the multitudes asked him, Then what shall we do?

John the Baptist did not hesitate, then or prior to them asking, to tell them that they sin. Luke 3:3 AMP And he went into all the country round about the Jordan, preaching a baptism of repentance (of hearty amending of their ways, with abhorrence of past wrongdoing) unto the forgiveness of sin.

But here is the love beyond my understanding of who John the Baptist really was, and how he gave such deep guidance to sinners when they came to wonder if he was the Christ. Luke 3:16 AMP John answered them all by saying, I baptize you with water; but He Who is mightier than I is coming, the strap of Whose sandals I am not fit to unfasten. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.

AND THERE IT WAS... my thought on what to do with eyes to see wicked..!  Oh yes, we all want to do the pointing, but do we have the heart of John to walk in such repentance that we realize WE DO NOT EVEN HAVE RIGHTS TO LOOSEN JESUS'S SANDAL or do we basically just point out wrongs we think we have conquered so we are just a little higher than the one to whom we speak?  This thought took me into a new Room with Poppa. Through another door, so to speak. For I saw a man who saw the wicked of mankind, but with great conviction himself. Who spoke to those who would listen from his own place of humility. He knew he was a messenger - not Jesus - or anyone to be placed above those he spoke to.

Walking in the grace of what Jesus did, we can declare what is shown and the message we are given, but we can never place our self in a position to instruct like a creator. No, we are saved by grace just like the next guy.

And how do we see wicked

 - by the ability to know we struggle with wicked.